This Is Us
by torsdagengel
Summary: "Once the child has bonded to my grace it will be all but impossible to survive removing it before it is ready for separation. I will be…vulnerable." He waits a moment before adding, somewhat reluctantly, "The simplest option would be to remove the embryo now before it tangles itself any further." Dean is quiet for a moment. "Cas, do you want this?" The angel is hesitant, but nods.
1. Chapter 1

**Rating:** PG13 for the time being, but that has potential to change**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes, language? (is anyone seriously offended by language? Fuck fuckedy fuck fuck fuck. I just quoted South Park. Hate me.)  
**Spoilers:** none.**  
A/N:** PLEASE READ_.  
_Hello all! I never posted a story to the internet before, so I've decided to give this WIP a little test run on this website, see how people react to it and all that. I don't have a beta reader, obviously, and I'm fairly confident in my English and grammar, but it isn't my first language, so I apologise for any mistakes I may have made (esp. if I spelled angel wrong at any point. It's one letter off in my native language, and although it sounds completely different, I probably mistyped it at least once just by force of habit). Also, I didn't intend for this story to be broken into chapters, so I'm kind of just trying to find acceptable stopping points from what I've written so far. It hasn't been thoroughly revised either. It's sort of like a really detailed draft right now, I guess. Anyways, this story is really just my little guinea pig for the internet, not anything super serious.  
**A/N#2: **This story is a sort of future!fic. It's in a domestic setting, after Team Free Will has partially retired (or at least toned down their life styles). I am up to date on the show, but I will be completely ignoring the episode Death's Door from season 7, partly because ugh and partly because I am absolutely not convinced that the outcome of that episode is permanent.

Anyways, I hope anyone who pops by is able to find this enjoyable!

* * *

Oct. 12

Dean has just come in from working on a car out in the yard. He shivers as his body transitions from the cold outside air to the warmth of his home. He is welcomed by the scent of an apple pie in the oven and heads upstairs to change out of his dirty work clothes.

Cas has already laid out a fresh flannel and jeans for him on the bed, and he's about to put them on until he notices a light under the bathroom door and the consistent pattering of the shower running on the other side of the wooden barrier.

He cracks the door just wide enough to slide through and finds Castiel standing in front of the mirror with a towel wrapped around him like a blanket.

It isn't until after he wraps his arms around him from behind and plants a kiss on his cheek that Dean notices the angel has his head resting against the wall and actually looks kind of sick.

"Cas? You okay?"

The angel nods.

"Yeah? You look like you're gonna hurl."

Dean receives a questioning look.

"What is 'hurl'?"

"Y'know, throw up, vomit…"

A look of understanding appears on the angel's face.

"I…wouldn't know the feeling."

"It's just a way of saying you look like you're not feeling so great, Cas. I didn't mean you're actually gonna puke."

Castiel nods, then lurches forward and vomits in the sink.

"Or maybe you are," Dean corrects himself and immediately wishes he'd kept his mouth shut when Castiel stares up at him, wide-eyed and ghostly pale, looking legitimately terrified. He looks confused, maybe even a little bit embarrassed, and if Dean didn't know any better, he'd say he almost looks about to cry.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hey, buddy, it's okay. It's just a little puke. It ain't gonna kill you."

Castiel throws up a little bit more, the second round catching him entirely off guard, and then he turns to Dean with a look like he's just had the most horrifying experience of his existence.

"You done?" Dean asks after a few minutes. Castiel nods. He looks absolutely pitiful.

Dean says nothing, just guides Castiel downstairs, lays him down on the couch, and throws his favourite knitted blanket over him, the loosely-woven white one he bought off that god awful 'Etsy' website, or whatever it's called.

The angel is asleep within minutes with the help of Dean's soothing words and touches. It's still early, nine in the morning, and Dean has nothing better to do, so he sits and watches his angel's steady breathing and wonders what the hell could have made him get sick.

It's raining heavily when Castiel wakes up at about half past noon. He sits up abruptly and, before his eyes can focus, is gently pushed back down by a strong, warm hand on his chest.

"Easy there," comes Dean's voice from beside him.

Castiel sits up, more slowly this time, and looks around until his vision catches on Dean watching him patiently.

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better."

The hunter nods.

"I, uh, made you some tea…that chai stuff you like… if you think you're stomach is up for it, I mean."

Castiel sees the steaming mug set on the coffee table and smiles just slightly.

"Thank you, Dean."

They sit in silence for a while as Castiel sips at his tea, small sips, as he was instructed, and Dean simply watches him, partially out of fondness, partially to keep an eye out for anything wrong with him.

Dean doesn't bring it up again until that night.

"Cas, how're you feeling?"

"I feel fine."

"What was up with you this morning, man? I thought angels didn't get sick."

"As did I," he says contemplatively,"My grace seems to be being weakened by something… possibly a mild binding spell from that witch we ran into a recently. I believe I may have 'caught a bug'," the angel doesn't fail to gesture the quotations.

It still doesn't seem quite right to Dean, but the explanation is reasonable, and he can tell Castiel isn't lying, so he decides go along with it.

The angel continues to get sick every morning, but aside from that everything is normal for the next few days.

Oct. 16

It's when they're hunting a couple of low-level demons, nothing they can't handle quickly and painlessly, that things get complicated. So far, the job has been easy enough, only problem is, this thing is smart. Of course it's possessing a little boy. He couldn't be a day over four years old, and Dean couldn't hurt that kid if his life depended on it.

"Aw, what's wrong? Am I hitting a little too close to home, daddy?" the demon taunts. "You two are a lot dumber than I thought. Really, did you honestly think we wouldn't notice?"

This demon may be smart, but it's damn pathetic. So he and Cas are together, big whoop. They can still gank their asses just the same as before.

"I think you're missing the point, genius. You and your buddy are still fucked."

"Ooh, that's dark of you, Dean. I never would have thought you'd be so careless of your family, put them in danger…just like your father. Anyways, I wouldn't be so sure of yourself," it sneers, "That little parasite is taking its toll on your angel."

'_Parasite?_'

As if on cue, Castiel crashes through the rotting wall from the next room of the deteriorating house and lands on his back in the debris.

"Cas?"

The second demon makes an appearance, standing over the heap of angel on the ground. It grips him by the tie and pulls him to a standing position. The angel's head lolls and he stumbles a step, but recovers his balance.

"Dean, they're both dead," Castiel huffs, "The hosts…are already dead. You have to…I can't-"

The demon crushes him against the wall and Castiel squirms weakly in an attempt to get away.

Dean reaches for his knife, but is thrown backwards into several stacks of books sitting in the corner.

"What are you waiting for?" the demon in the little boy hisses at its partner, "Kill it."

"Why not take our time and enjoy the show?"

The little boy seems to contemplate.

"Good point."

It drops Castiel to the floor, and the angel curls in on himself, face scrunched in pain, before the demon so much as touches him.

"Oh, what's this?" it leans closer to the angel, observing, "Your little parasite is giving us a hand. Although, I supposed it's only natural such and abomination would end up siding with us."

The knife is on the other side of the room, and Dean has no other weapons. He begins reciting an exorcism under his breath.

"Don't think we can't hear you over there, Daddy. How about you shut up and let us finish our business with Momma, or we can kill him along with baby."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

The demons glance at each other.

Dean finds a rusty nail on the ground.

"He doesn't know," one of them says.

They both smirk.

"This just keeps getting better and better," the demon in the little boy snickers as the other kicks Castiel in the face.

"Alright, Dean Winchester, you're slightly more intelligent than I gave you credit for earlier. It's your _angel_ that's pitifully stupid."

"Get to the point."

"Oh no, Winchester, I think I get to have my fun here, considering I've got the upper hand in this situation. I can let you sit here and wonder for as long as I want."

Dean has ideas, but they're all absurd.

The other demon grabs Castiel again, this time pulling him up by his hair. The angel starts to double over as a seemingly sourceless wave of pain shoots through him, but is immediately yanked back upright.

He looks to the hunter, expression pained, apologetic, and embarrassed.

"Dean, I-"

The demon throws a hand over his mouth.

"No, no, no, Castiel. You're much too late. This is our juicy little secret to tell now."

"Then get on with it, dumbass," Dean spits.

The demon sighs.

"You're no fun."

"Yeah? Well I'm on business."

"Touché."

It walks to the other side of the room where Dean is still sitting on the floor.

"Do I really have to spell it out for you? I thought we already made it pretty clear, _Daddy_."

The hunter doesn't react, just continues to glare at them.

"That angel is carrying your baby, you fucking neanderthal!"

"That's impossible," Dean defends, "He's a _guy_!"

"And an angel, you _stupid_ fuck! He's carrying a nephilim, and it must be destroyed!"

The demon is afraid. The realisation doesn't vanquish the unsettling feeling growing in the pit of Dean's stomach, but he gains a sudden sense of control.

He glances at the floorboard the demon is standing on and smirks.

"Gotcha!" he says as the demon follows his gaze to the tiny devil's trap carved in the wooden plank and holding its tiny foot in place.

It gives Dean just enough leverage to get to the knife before the other demon can react. It's preoccupied with Castiel and doesn't even see him coming.

He reminds himself not to take rusty nails for granted.

He turns back to the little boy. The demon is trying to claw a break in the devil's trap with its nail, and Dean doesn't have time to think.

He stabs the demon in the centre of the chest.

It stumbles backwards on the impact and wheezes cruelly with its dying breath, "Why'd you do it, Daddy?"

Dean knows it's the demon speaking, but it's pretty convincing nonetheless.

He turns around. He can't look at it; he feels sick.

"Oh, god. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick," mumbles as he paces the room, looking anywhere but the tiny body lying in the corner, "I'm gonna be sick."

But he's not. Castiel rolls over and gets sick for him.

It draws Dean's attention away from the demons and back to the matter presently at hand.

Cas is pretty beat up and doesn't seem to be healing himself. He looks scared, but Dean is pretty sure that's mostly because he just threw up.

The adrenaline's effect is fading away, and the realisation of what the demons had said sinks in.

"Is all that shit true?"

"It has begun bonding with my grace. It is...painful, and it has weakened me greatly.

"_Is all that shit true_?"

Castiel nods.

Dean feels like he's been punched in the gut.

"I am with child."

The drive home is silent. Castiel gives up on trying to explain himself when after four tries the farthest he ever gets is 'Dean, I-' before a gesture is thrown at him to stop talking. After that, it's four hours of silence.

They don't even speak the three times Dean has to pull over for Castiel to puke on the side of the road. He can just tell when the angel gets obnoxiously fidgety.

Dean doesn't get out to remind him that he's okay or to rub his back, and he definitely would not feel bad if he'd noticed (which he absolutely did not notice) the tears threatening to spill over in Cas' eyes each time he got back in the car.

They arrive home, and Dean is still silent.

Several minutes pass, and Dean is still silent.

Castiel tries for conversation again when the hunter returns from taking the duffel bag upstairs.

"Dean-"

"Why the _hell_ didn't you tell me?" Dean is angry.

"I wasn't _sure_, Dean. I knew it only as a possibility! I… I am aware that you have wanted a child in the past. I did not wish to disappoint you if it was not the case. Dean, I had to be sure, and I was not!"

Dean is livid. His eyes are wet.

"Yeah? Well what the _fuck_ made you think it was a good idea to go hunting when you could possibly be," Dean nearly chokes on the word, "…pregnant! Why would you even risk that! You put yourself _and_ the baby in danger! You could have been killed!"

"I," Castiel looks ashamed, "I did not expect that it would begin bonding so soon. I was unaware-"

"You really never thought it might be important to tell me that _you can get pregnant_? Not once?"

"Dean-"

"Not even that I might have, oh, I don't know, maybe _knocked you up_?!"

"Dean, I-"

Castiel stiffens and doubles over.

"Dean!" he cries out, voice breaking. He drops to his knees and curls in on himself, face scrunched in pain as he gasps for air and tries fruitlessly to hold back the whimper that escapes with every exhale.

Dean rushes to kneel beside him, afraid to touch or move him.

"Cas! Cas, come on, man. Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be fine."

Castiel bites his lip and nods, not taking his red-rimmed eyes from Dean's gaze until he is slammed with another wave of pain that tenses his entire body.

He curls up so tightly, Dean thinks for a moment that he might be trying to crush himself, but it passes. It's a mystery how much time has gone by, but the tension locking Castiel's body finally releases.

"Cas?"

Dean lays a tentative hand on his angel's shoulder, as gently as he can manage.

"Are you…um," he clears his throat, "You gonna be okay, buddy?"

Castiel lifts his head, and Dean feels his throat unclench at the sight of his angel's face relaxed and not in pain.

"Yes, I am okay."

He gets Cas situated on the couch with his blanket and goes to make a cup of tea. He tells himself it's an accident that he ends up with two.

When he comes back, Castiel is exactly as he left him, but Dean notices the angel absently tracing two fingers back and forth across his abdomen.

He tries not to let the feeling it gives him get too fuzzy and hands Castiel one of the mugs without a word.

"Thank you."

"Yeah, no problem," Dean confirms and seats himself on the half of the couch that doesn't have an angel curled up on it.

"Dean, I think you should know that-"

"Cas. Listen, I'm sorry. Okay? I shouldn't have yelled at you. I wasn't thinking clearly. I was… Back there with those demons, man, you scared the shit out of me! It's just a lot to take in, and I couldn't think straight, so don't take any of what I said too hard, okay? I'm sorry."

Castiel blinks at him.

"You are forgiven."

"And you were right too, you know, about me wanting a kid. I do, but it-I just… it's your choice. You're the one who has to..carry it, or whatever, and…deal with all of that, so… you get to make the decision."

Castiel cocks his head, and the familiar gesture brings more comfort than Dean had ever imagined it could.

"What decision? If you are referring to whether or not to keep the child, Dean, your reason to leave the choice up to me is mostly irrelevant. Removal of the child, now that it has begun the bonding process, would be…extremely painful… almost as painful as it will be to follow through with the bonding of the child to my grace."

"Wow, don't sugarcoat it."

"Dean, this is serious! It isn't going to be easy, for either one of us, and I cannot do this on my own," the hunter could have sworn he saw a flash of fear in his angel's eyes, "But I am willing to do it if you also want this… If this will make you happy, then I am especially willing."

"Cas, I am happy. I'm happier than I've ever been, and I want to be a dad, believe me, I do, but… think about this, Cas. This is dangerous-for all of us! We can't just… we can't…"

"Would you prefer it if I were to abort the child?" Castiel asks seriously when Dean doesn't pick up his sentence.

"No!" Dean looks at him, surprised at how calmly the angel suggested the annihilation of their own baby, "No," the hunter takes a deep breath and shakes his head.

"How long does it, uh…?" Dean makes a circular motion with his hand, egging Castiel to complete the sentence on his own.

"Approximately three months."

Dean's face drops to his hands.

"Shit. That's not much time."

Castiel is getting shifty. His hand that had been tracing a path across his stomach is now absently prodding and pressing, searching for the source of the dull, distant pain becoming present there and trying to push it back into the depths from which it came.

"How long does this bonding thing take?"

"From my understanding, the worst of it will be over within six hours, but Dean, you must understand that it is going to be extremely unpleasant, and you are the one who will have to deal with me in such a condition."

The hunter nods.

"We must hurry with this decision. I'm unsure of how much time we have before the bonding begins again, and I can assure you that I will most likely not be coherent then."

"Cas, you're gonna be okay, right? This bonding shit isn't gonna…kill you or anything? Cause I'd sure as hell rather have you around than not, just because you didn't get some stupid abortion."

"Yes. I will be okay."

The hunter sighs in relief.

"Dean, I need your decision."

"Oh, so it's all on me now?"

"Once the child has bonded with my grace, it will be all but impossible for me to survive removing it before it is ready for separation. I will be…vulnerable," he waits a moment before adding, somewhat reluctantly, "The simplest option would be to remove the embryo now before it tangles itself any further."

Dean is quiet for a moment, long enough for tension to gather in the room.

"Cas, do you want this?"

The angel nods, somewhat hesitantly.

"Well then…since when have we ever done anything the easy way?"

Castiel's expression is unchanging, but his eyes brighten noticeably.

"You are sure of this?"

"Positive."

Castiel smiles, big and real, and it hits Dean like a comet, the realisation that _holy shit_ he could actually get to be a dad. He doesn't even realise he's smiling too until his face begins to hurt, and he wonders just how long he and Cas have been staring at each other like that. Abruptly, he pulls the angel into a firm embrace and kisses him hard on the mouth. They pull away and just look at each other for a moment.

"So," Dean breaks the silence and clears his throat, "What do we do now? Just wait for it to start doing that thing again?"

"Bonding."

"Yeah, that."

"Yes."

The idea of waiting around for his unborn baby to inflict excruciating pain on his angel makes Dean antsy, so they turn to the tv and flip through the channels in search of a distraction.

They make it through about an hour and a half of a Harry Potter marathon before Cas declares that he's about to throw up and won't be able to move without doing so in the middle of the living room.

Dean grabs the nearest waste basket and sets it on the ground between the angel's legs.

It takes him back to childhood memories of looking after a young Sam with some pretty nasty food poisoning, as he rubs his angel's back and tries to soothe him.

Castiel is still terrified of vomiting.

Each time he's forced to empty his stomach, he looks more surprised and closer to crying.

All Dean can do is sit with him and rub his back and quietly tell him he's going to be okay; his attempts are spirited but ineffective.

When Cas hasn't puked for a good twenty minutes, Dean carries him upstairs and lays him on their bed, then goes back to take the soiled trash bag outside, preferring not to the smell of vomit soak into their house.

When he comes back in, it's much too quiet for his liking. He rushes up the stairs and finds Castiel, fallen off the bed and in a ball on the floor, both arms holding his stomach and small pained noises escaping his mouth.

"Shit. Cas?"

"Y-yes, Dean?" the angel struggles to get out.

"Fuck. Is it starting? How bad is it?"

"Yes, it has started. I am… unwell, but I will get much worse."

Dean would tease him about being a cynic, but now isn't the time.

"Okay. Just tell me what I need to do."

"Nothing."

"What do you mean 'nothing'? There's gotta be something!"

Castiel shakes his head.

"How bad's it gonna get, then, if you're already like this?"

"I am not sure," the angel admits.

"Great… You okay if I move you?"

Castiel nods.

Dean carefully lifts him back onto the the bed, tucking him under the blankets this time, and planting a gentle kiss on his angel's mouth.

"You're gonna be okay, you got that? I'm here for you."

The angel nods, then returns to looking hurt and sick and enduring the rapidly escalating pain that is plaguing him.

* * *

Shitty stopping point, I know. I'm sorry. I tried.

I really hope anyone who read down far enough to see this enjoyed this little tidbit at least to some extent. I have a lot more written, but this was the best place I could find to stop it. Plus I get to leave you wondering hehehe. Or maybe not. I don't know.

It's still morning over here, so if it turns out that people like it, I might post some more tonight.

Anyways, I would really appreciate some feedback if anyone is satisfied (or dissatisfied) enough to review!  
Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Rating:** PG13 for the time being, but that has potential to change**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes, language(…?)  
**Spoilers:** none.**  
A/N: **Greetings again, and I'm so happy you've returned for a second chapter! Here I am at not quite five in the morning, awake for some reason. I'm not too sure why. Anyways, I decided to wait a few days before I would post another part, just for the sake of being slightly more consistent with updating. The next chapter most likely will not come so quickly, despite my best attempts to be consistent. What I've posted so far was mostly written in small chunks whenever I had a moment of spare time over a period of several weeks, but now that I have the motivation of people reading this story to work on it, I will probably write on it a lot more often.  
Thank you so much to the people who reviewed! I really can't believe my writing is liked by people and actually has followers! The reviews I got made me so happy! Even if it's just a small comment (even criticism) it means a lot to me that you would care so much to review, and it gives me motivation to make progress on the writing!  
This chapter marks the end of what I've written so far (if you have any suggestions or requests for the story, I would love your input and ideas!), so I can't tell when I will have enough written to post another chapter after this. I suppose future chapters will probably be shorter, but let's keep our fingers crossed that my schedule will be relatively relaxed for these next few weeks.  
Thanks for reading! I hope you can enjoy this chapter!

* * *

"You're gonna be okay, you got that? I'm here for you."

The angel nods, then returns to looking hurt and sick and enduring the rapidly escalating pain that is plaguing him.

Dean sits with him for what feels like hours as Castiel steadily begins to hurt more and more.

The hunter is rubbing his shoulder when the angel's breathing suddenly quickens and a pained sob escapes his mouth.

"Cas. Cas, c'mon, man, you're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay."

"Dean," the angel all but whimpers, sucking in a shaky breath, "It hurts."

Something in the hunter's heart breaks at that moment, at the immense pain in his angels voice, in his eyes. He can only imagine what intensity could diminish such a powerful being to this state.

"I know, man. I know it hurts right now, but it's gonna get better. I… I'll get you something. I'm gonna make you stop hurting. You're gonna be just fine, Cas, you got that?"

Castiel nods.

"Thank you, Dean," he manages.

"Yeah," the hunter's eyes prick around the edges just a bit, "Anything you need, buddy, just say it."

He goes to search the house for anything that might ease his angel's suffering.

He finds a hot water bottle and an ice pack, and is in the middle of raiding the closets for extra blankets when it happens. The screaming begins.

It starts out as a low sobbing that Dean prays he is imagining, but it gets louder and louder until Castiel is crying out for him between fits of screaming.

Dean doesn't have time to be thankful that they don't have any neighbours close enough to hear, between the panic to get back to his angel and the guilt of letting him get this bad in the first place, but the thought is there, dormant in the back of his mind.

He reaches the door and suddenly can't bring himself to push it open, but Castiel is screaming for him and he can't let him down. He said he would make him stop hurting, and he can't let him down.

Arms full of blankets and every kind of thermal pain reliever he could find around the house, Dean pushes the door open with his foot.

He hardly gets a good look at Cas, rolling and twisting in pain, eyes squeezed shut, face ghostly pale and wet with tears, before he feels sick and turns back out the door in a moment of panic.

He shuts it to dull the angel's screaming and frantically digs his cell phone out of his pocket, calling the first number in his recents list.

He hears the dialling tone once… twice… three times…four…

_"Hello?"_

"Sammy?" his voice breaks, and he sounds much more distressed than he had intended to.

_"Dean? What's going on? Where are you?"_

"I-I'm at home. I'm fine, I just-Sammy, I can't do this. I can't…"

_"Can't do what?"_

"It's Cas. He's in the other room. I don't know if you can hear, but he's-"

_"That's Cas? Yeah, I can hear him loud and clear. Shit, what-"_

"Cas is pregnant."

_"What?"_

"Cas is pregnant, and there's-the, uh…it's doing some weird 'bonding' thing with his grace, and it," Dean tries to swallow the lump in his throat, but it doesn't go away. The gesture only makes him realise how wet his face is, "It's hurting him real bad, Sammy… and there's nothing I can do about it. I told him I would make it stop hurting, and I can't do shit to help him."

Sam is quiet on the other line, and Dean is beginning to get antsy.

_"Just go be with him."_

"But-"

_"Even if it's hard for you, Dean. I know you don't want to see him like that, but that doesn't mean it's not happening. Right now he's in there all alone, and he's not in any less pain than he was when you were in there with him. If you can't make it stop, then at least you can give him that comfort."_

"Sam, I-"

_"Whatever shape he's in is a lot worse than however you are."_

Dean half sobs, half laughs, "Bitch."

"Get in there, jerk," the younger brother orders lightheartedly.

"Thanks, Sammy."

Dean doesn't wait for a response. He hangs up, composes himself, and steps back into the bedroom.

Castiel has kicked the blankets away and is on his side, arms crossed over his chest and shaking his head rapidly from side to side as he cries out for the hunter brokenly.

"Cas! I'm right here, Cas!"

"Dean," he sobs, "Dean. Dean… Dean is here. Dean is here, and Dean loves me. Dean loves me, and he is here now. Dean. Dean is my favourite human. Dean is here and he loves me and he is my friend. Dean is-"

"Cas!"

The angel's eyes clear up.

"Dean?"

"I'm right here. Shit. Cas, I'm so sorry."

Castiel stares at him and starts to reach out, as if to make sure he isn't hallucinating, but seemingly decides against it.

"You will not leave again?" the angel asks.

"No, I'm not leaving you. I'm staying right here, you got that?"

Castiel nods and seems to relax some, but the pain is still evident on his face.

"It hurts when you leave."

Dean feels something in his chest squeeze and lays down beside Castiel on the bed.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"You are being redundant, Dean."

The hunter laughs, relieved that his angel is coherent enough to realise that.

"I know. I know," he says as he dries his angel's face with the sleeve of his flannel. He kisses him lightly at the corner of his mouth.

"I love you, Cas."

A ghost of a smile graces the angel's features through his still pained expression.

"And your feelings are very much reciprocated, Dean."

Just having Dean next to him, Castiel already seems to be doing significantly better, but it doesn't last.

He continues to get worse and worse until the early hours of the morning, but Dean never leaves his side. He doesn't leave when his angel begins sobbing again, or when he can't help but cry out and let the most pained, pitiful screams escape his mouth. Dean stays with him and endures the sobs, and the yelling out, and Castiel leaving a dark, vaguely hand-shaped bruise around his wrist, and he holds his angel and talks to him, and he reminds him that everything is going to be okay.

At some point, Castiel ends up bundled in Dean's limbs and several layers of blankets, and when he finally passes out at about a quarter to four, Dean realises he's been humming 'Hey Jude' for at least the past hour and doesn't have the slightest idea as to when he started.

Dean doesn't fall asleep. He can't. All he can think of is Castiel, writhing and screaming. He almost calls Sam again, but it's four in the morning, and he already woke him up once that night.

He settles with holding his angel's hands. Feeling them soft and loose and relaxed in his own is just enough of a comfort to keep his mind from wandering places it shouldn't return to.

Oct. 17

It's half past six, and Dean must have dozed off for a few minutes. It's about half light outside, and Castiel is still sleeping soundly. The hunter runs a hand through his angel's tousled hair, so instead of sticking in every which direction, it all stands straight up.

He huffs a small laugh and gets up, intending to head downstairs and make some tea (for when Cas wakes up, of course), but he stops in the doorway and turns around to look back at Castiel who is still sleeping quietly under his shell of blankets. Dean can't shake the nagging fear that he might start hurting again if he leaves.

He decides to test his limits. The hunter brushes his teeth, peeking out the doorway every so often to check on his still sleeping angel; he showers, still no change; replaces his rumpled jeans and flannel with a fresh pair, and Castiel is still sleeping peacefully as ever.

Dean moves in for closer inspection and sees that the angel is completely relaxed, not a hint of pain leaking through his physical form. He brushes a hand through his hair again and leaves a soft kiss on his forehead before digressing to his mission to go make some tea.

He hasn't thought about it until now, but Dean realises he's actually nervous to find out whether it worked or not. What if it didn't and Cas went through all that pain for nothing?

The hunter somehow ends up with two cups of tea again. He sits down at the table and waits patiently for Castiel to come downstairs. It won't be long before he's up; he normally doesn't sleep past seven…

Seven a.m. goes by, and eight o'clock rolls around soon after. Dean is still sitting at the table, holding his empty mug and staring at the full one and the empty chair across from him. The tea is cold now, but he can always put it in the microwave. Besides, Castiel will be down soon. He almost never sleeps past eight…

Dean is brought out of his stupor by a knock at the door. He sits up straighter, suddenly realising he's acting like he's just been widowed, and takes his mug to the sink before going to get the door.

Sam is standing there, looking kind of sheepish with three coffees in a holder and a bag of something that looks like it might be a bunch of pastries.

Dean eyes the unexpected visitor up and down.

"I don't remember ordering girl scout cookies."

"Shut up," Sam half laughs.

"God, you're such a girl," Dean teases and steps to the side so his brother can come in.

They sit at the kitchen table, and Dean tells him everything that has happened in the last few days, Cas getting sick, the demons, all the things Cas had told him and the events of the previous night, all the way up to the angel still sleeping upstairs. It's getting close to nine o'clock by the time he is finished.

"Well, Dean, the guy's probably exhausted. Hell, I mean, I only heard him for a minute over the phone, but…you said he was doing that all night? I wouldn't be surprised if he was sleeping for _days_."

Sam sees his brothers expression and realises he isn't helping. He tries subtly to change the topic. "But, wow. So…you guys are having a baby in a few months…" he summarises to himself, trying to get used to the idea, "Um, so is Cas gonna like… look…pregnant?"

"I don't know. I have no idea. I don't even know if-Sam, what if it didn't work? What if something went wrong, and it isn't there anymore, and Cas had to go through all that-"

"Dean?" comes a groggy voice from the entrance to the kitchen.

Castiel is standing there, blanket around his shoulders and rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Cas," the hunter swallows, "Hey, how are you feeling?"

The angel's voice is more gravelly than usual, raw and hoarse from the strain on his vocal chords the night before.

"I…vomited when I woke up, but I am feeling much better now."

Dean looks him over. The angel seems to be fine, but that doesn't do much to help his worried lover.

"You're not hurting anymore?"

The angel shakes his head.

"Good. That's good. Uh, Sam brought breakfast stuff…if you're feeling up for it."

Castiel nods and turns to the youngest Winchester.

"That is very thoughtful. Thank you, Sam."

"Anytime," he replies, still sheepishly.

"Hey, Cas, why don't you sit down," Dean suggests, standing and offering up his chair.

For a moment, the angel seems indecisive as to whether he should accept the offer, but he obliges without protest.

"Thank you, Dean."

"Cas, stop it. I'm just being reasonable."

"Still, thank you."

Dean rolls his eyes goodnaturedly and leans against the island counter at the centre of their kitchen.

"So, Dean got me up to date on everything," Sam starts before things have a chance to get awkward.

Castiel nods an affirmative.

"Then I presume you are aware that I am with child?" Castiel states as a question.

"Cas, stop saying it like that. It's freaking weird."

"Stop saying what?"

"You're not 'with child,'" Dean says, "You're pregnant."

"But that is the same-"

"Nobody says that. Nobody says that they're 'with child.' It's just weird."

Castiel sits back in his chair, indicating Dean's victory.

"Sam, I presume you are aware that I am pregnant," the angel amends.

"Oh god, that sounds weird too."

"Dean, shut up," Sam rolls his eyes at his brother's immaturity and turns back to Castiel, "Yeah, Dean told me everything."

There is a moment before angel is about to say something more, but Dean beats him to it.

"Hey, Cas?"

Castiel gives him his full attention.

"Yes, Dean?"

"It's…still there, right?"

The angel cocks his head and studies the hunters expression.

"Yes," he says, not understanding the purpose or origin of Dean's question.

"And it's done with all that bonding crap, and everything is okay, right?"

Castiel's sudden understanding is evident on his face. Dean has been worrying.

"Yes. It is over with, and the embryo is healthy. Dean, if you are concerned, please know that it is not necessary to wait and let your worries fester."

Dean obviously isn't sure what to say to that, and Sam can feel a staring contest coming on, so he breaks the silence before he is officially third wheeling.

"Well it looks like you guys are both okay, so I think I'm gonna head out," he excuses himself awkwardly.

Dean seizes the opportunity to drop the previous topic, and they say their goodbyes to Sam. Dean doesn't forget to tease him about how he's still surprised Sasquatch can fit in that tiny old Volvo he drives now.

"He wants so badly to be a hipster," Dean muses as Sam is backing out of the driveway.

"What is a hi-"

"Nothing, Cas. It's a special type of pretentious asshole."

They go about their daily activities. Dean does some more work on the car out back; Cas cleans the house, bakes, reads, organises his sweaters by pattern and colour.

That night, Dean insists that Castiel should take a break, so they have leftover ravioli for dinner and start watching some action movie with lots of explosions, but Cas doesn't last long before he starts looking sleepy, and the movie was dumb anyway, so Dean just turns it off.

"Is it over already?" the angel slurs.

"No, Cas, you're falling asleep," Dean tells him as he stands up.

"No. I'm fine, Dean. I am still awake," he insists.

"Yeah, barely," the hunter scoffs, "And you definitely won't be in five minutes. I don't want to have to carry you upstairs, dude. You're heavy."

The angel takes a long moment to contemplate this.

"I see," is all he says.

He makes no indication that he has any intention of moving, so Dean sighs and, in one smooth motion, picks the angel up and throws him over his shoulder.

"Dean! What are you doing?!"

"Taking you to bed," the hunter says nonchalantly as he heads for the stairs.

"Dean, I am not fond of this form of transportation! I am capable of walking; my legs are not afflicted by anything! _Do not_ drop me! Dean, this is _very_ unsettling!"

The hunter laughs. He'll probably be sore from that in the morning, but Castiel's reaction is worth it.

He plops his angel on the bed and falls down beside him.

Castiel is wide awake now.

"That was mean," the angel tries to glare at him.

"It was funny," Dean chuckles.

The angel contemplates.

"I suppose it was…a bit humorous," he cracks a smile and snuggles up to the warm body beside him.

They lay with each other for a long while without saying another word.

"Hey Cas," the hunter starts after several minutes, "So uh…kind of a weird question," he prompts.

"Yes, Dean?"

"Can you, um…feel it? The baby?" Dean asks, embarrassed.

"Not so much physically, but now that it is bonded with my grace, I can feel its presence very clearly," he explains, "I'm sure you could feel it as well if you were to get close enough. It is a part of you after all."

"We're pretty damn close, Cas," Dean points out.

The angel frowns.

"I cannot see any reason why you wouldn't be able to feel it. You would know when you do. It is…pleasant," he says, "Perhaps skin to skin contact is necessary."

The angel bunches up his sweater and places the hunter's hand on his stomach.

Physically, it feels just the same as it always does, but Dean gets a weird feeling from it. It is the most indescribable feeling he's ever experienced. He can't think of a single word to explain it, but Cas is right. It's pleasant. It isn't a very strong feeling; it's actually pretty mild, but it's nice, sort of calming.

"Wow," is all Dean can think to say, "Do you feel that all the time?"

"Since I awoke this morning, yes."

"Wow. Cas, that's… I don't even know what to call it. Incredible."

"It feels funny," the angel says, poking at his stomach. Dean can't help but smile at how childlike Castiel can be sometimes.

He notices the angel has reentered the early stages of nodding off and gets him to go get ready for bed before he passes out in his sweater and corduroy pants.

"I like sleeping better when it isn't a necessity," he mumbles sleepily as Dean turns the lights off and he burrows into the blankets. "We're going to need a crib, Dean. That's a necessity for babies, as well as sleep. Babies sleep. What kinds of things do babies require? They require a lot of things. Where will we get the funds for such things? I supposed we could acquire them by-"

"Cas," Dean interrupts, "Stop fighting it. Just go to sleep."

He pulls his angel closer and wraps him in his arms.

"But I do not wish to sleep. I want to stay and talk with you…You are comfortable, Dean," Castiel adds.

"Alright, then. What do you want to talk about, Cas?"

Dean waits for a response, but it never comes. He doesn't realise how tired he has been until he closes his eyes and is encompassed by sleep almost as quickly as his angel.

Oct. 18

The hunter is woken some time around two in the morning. He first notices that Castiel is no longer in his arms and not beside him. He almost starts to panic before he registers the sound of violent retching coming from the bathroom.

Dean gets up and cracks open the door, squinting as his eyes adjust to the light. Castiel is on the floor, leaning against the bathtub, sweat soaked and looking utterly exhausted.

"Dean…I apologise," he wheezes, "I tried not to wake you."

"It's fine, Cas. You can always wake me up," the hunter looks him over worriedly, "Man, you look like shit."

The angel shivers.

"I feel…very sick."

He is pale and his usually vibrant eyes are dull, almost grey. His hair is plastered to his face with sweat, and he's shivering like he's just been pulled out of icy water.

"I am about to be ill again," he warns, "Dean, you may not want to witness th-"

The angel leans forward and heaves dark blood down the side of the porcelain.

"Cas! Shit! How long have you been puking blood?!"

* * *

And here is where I must leave you lovelies. I'm sorry. That was a bit mean of me.  
I doubt it will be more than a week before I'm back to you. Hopefully I'll get this whole ordeal all figured out soon, and I can have a set date that I'll update, or maybe I'm too much of a dreamer. Who knows. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thank you for reading this far!

I love the reviews! Please keep them coming; they definitely motivate me to write faster! (:  
Also, I would really, really love to get your guys' input and ideas if you have any for the story, since it is a work in progress and I'm being pretty flexible with it.

Thanks so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Rating:** PG13 for the time being, but that has potential to change**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes, language(…?)  
**Spoilers:** none.**  
A/N: **Well despite my putting off of unimportant things such as studying and sleep, I did not manage to get this finished any faster than I expected. I was kind of stuck at point, not really sure how to get the story from idea A to idea B, so that was probably part of it. Again, thank you so much to all people who reviewed! You are what motivates me to keep this story going, and I can't even tell you how much each review means to me! I really, really love hearing your thoughts about what I've written, so thank you. Also, **I still want to hear any ideas you guys have for this story.** I already have a basic plot planned out, but if you have any suggestions at all, complications, a character you want to see/see more of, something you want me to incorporate, etc., I'm being flexible with this story, and I really want to interact with you guys! Once again, thank you so much for reading! I'm so glad you've came back for another chapter!

**A/N #2:** NOOO THE MUSE CONCERT GOT CANCELLED *sobbing forever* Ahh, I'm really sad now. I was super excited to see them! Does anyone know if they're rescheduling the show in Oslo? I really hope so. :'(

* * *

He is pale and his usually vibrant eyes are dull, almost grey. His hair is plastered to his face with sweat, and he's shivering like he's just been pulled out of icy water.

"I am about to be ill again," he warns, "Dean, you may not want to witness th-"

The angel leans forward and heaves dark blood down the side of the porcelain.

"Cas! Shit! How long have you been puking blood?!"

Castiel is shaking violently. He curls into a ball.

"Dean, I feel very ill," he whimpers.

The angel's head lolls forward, and he closes his eyes for a moment, only to be interrupted by another wave of nausea that decorates the tile with bloody vomit.

He looks up at Dean, his expression tinted shameful and embarrassed, but mostly he is afraid. Blood is still clinging to his lips and the taste lingers inside his mouth.

"Dean. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dean. I'm sorr-"

"Cas, it's okay! It's fine! It's not your fault," the hunter tries to convince him.

"Dean," the angel moans, "It won't stop. I can't make it stop."

"Hey, it's okay, Cas," he comforts through his own panic, "It's okay. Everything's gonna be fine, okay?"

Castiel nods and curls up on the ground.

"Cas, c'mon. Let's get you somewhere more comfortable," Dean urges.

Castiel shakes his head.

"I will have to be sick again soon."

"Then we'll get you a bucket or something. Cas, you're not sleeping on the floor in here."

"I do not feel I'm in a suitable condition to relocate myself," the angel says, still shivering heavily.

Dean sighs, sending a look, both sympathetic and worried, in Castiel's direction before kneeling down beside him, carefully avoiding the bloody mess on the ground, and gathering the angel up in his arms.

He takes Cas to the couch again and hands him a large plastic bowl.

"Don't miss," he says and instantly wishes he hadn't, because Castiel looks so miserable, and all he can manage is a weak nod. "I mean, it's okay if you do," he adds hastily, mentally slapping himself for how stupid he sounds, "Just…try not to."

Castiel responds by throwing up crimson liquid in the bowl.

"Fuck," Dean swears, "Cas, that isn't normal. You're not supposed to literally puke your guts out!"

The angel closes his eyes and rests his head on the couch.

"I am aware," he mumbles.

"How long has it been going on? Cas, this is bad!"

"It…began not long before I woke you," the angel recalls. He vomits again and whimpers, "Dean, I wish for it to stop. Why will it not stop?"

The hunter paces for a minute. He runs his hands through his hair several times before he abruptly stops and turns back to Castiel.

"Is the baby okay?"

The angel is quiet for a moment.

"I…am not sure. It is difficult to feel under this illness."

Castiel is nauseous again. He puts a hand over his mouth and tries to will the feeling away, but it sticks to him like a leech. He can feel it coming on, and he can tell it is going to be extra unpleasant.

"Cas, if you gotta puke, just do it. It's only gonna get worse if you keep trying to push it back."

The angel opens his mouth to protest, but all that comes out is a large stream of thick, dark blood. It almost looks black, and that doesn't help Castiel in the slightest.

It's nearly three-thirty now. Dean can't wait any longer; Cas has already gotten bad enough.

"Shit. Okay. I'm calling Bobby. Cas, you gonna be okay for a couple minutes?"

The angel nods and hugs his knees to his chest.

Dean wraps him in blankets while he listens to the dialling tone.

_"This had better be damn important, whoever's callin' me at three in the mornin'," _Bobby grumbles on the other line_._

"Bobby, it's me."

Dean realises he hasn't thought of what he's going to tell the old hunter.

_"Boy, what're you callin' me this early for? It'd better be good."_

"Uh, angels," Dean says.

_"Angels?"_

"Yeah, you got anything about how to take care of a sick one? Cause I've got one puking blood in my living room."

_"Well jesus, how'd you manage that?"_

"It's a long story; I'll tell you later, but this is kind of urgent. I don't know how much longer Cas can take this. He's exhausted and it's freaking him out pretty bad."

Bobby sighs on the other line.

_"I'll call you back if I find anything."_

"Thanks, Bobby."

Dean goes back to sit with his angel who has wiggled out of the blankets around him so he can throw up.

The hunter puts an arm around him and receives a head on his shoulder in return.

Neither of them know how long they sit there. Eventually Cas is so tired he can hardly move. He finally stops vomiting blood, but he continues to get sick. Dean holds the bowl for him while he weakly expels whatever is left in his stomach.

When Castiel hasn't been sick in over half an hour, Dean gets him a glass of water and explains to him that he's probably dehydrated and should try to take small sips of it if he thinks he can keep it down.

The angel does so and falls asleep almost immediately afterwards.

Dean throws a blanket over him and begins pacing the downstairs of their house out of pent up worry and exhaustion and curses when he finds himself standing in the kitchen making himself a cup of tea yet again.

He still refuses to admit he likes it, and it definitely isn't making him feel better. Not at all.

The clock on the wall reads half past five.

He goes to check on Cas and finds him bundled in a cocoon of blanket, completely consumed by it from the nose down. The hunter fights the urge to make his hair stick up, not willing to risk waking him, and just stares for a moment. He takes a picture on his phone instead, because it's just too adorable to resist.

When he's satisfied that his angel is alright, he heads towards the kitchen to return to his tea and nearly spills it on himself when his phone starts buzzing on the table. He sighs indignantly, but his irritation dissipates when he sees who's calling.

"Bobby," he answers, "You didn't find something already, did you?"

_"Well,"_ he says, _"I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a book that I just _happened_ to have the only copy of sitting in my library. Boy, you are _damn_ lucky."_

"That's great! What-"

_"You are damn lucky I don't come over there and beat you this instant. You knocked up an _angel_?! What the hell were you thinkin', boy!"_

"What-How did-"

_"What, you had me researching this shit, and you think I wouldn't come across somethin' and put two an' two together?"_

"Hey! Okay, It's not like I had any way of knowing! It's not exactly something I thought I should be concerned about."

_"Quit your whinin', ya idjit. Now do you want my help or not?"_

"Yeah, I do."

_"Alright, then listen up. He needs to be eating, he's sustaining this thing almost entirely on his own from his grace and his vessel, which needs constant repairing thanks to little junior there, so he's gonna be tired. He needs to be getting plenty of sleep, and even moreso than that, Dean, he needs to be near _you_."_

"What?"

_"Proximity to you is probably one of the best things for him. The kid can draw energy from your soul as long as you aren't more than a couple feet away, so you keep that angel close as much as possible, _especially_ if Cas isn't feeling well, you got that, boy?"_

"Yeah, I got it."

_"Now, were you with him when it started getting bloody?"_

"No, but he said it wasn't going on long before I woke up."

_"Well there's your problem. Little guy was probably up gettin' sick for a while, then couldn't draw the energy from you to stop it and just kept gettin' worse."_

Dean contemplates this and instantly feels guilty.

"How come Cas doesn't know about all this?"

_"Beats me. Guess it's so uncommon they just don't bother teaching sex ed in angel school."_

"Alright. Thanks, Bobby."

_"Happy to be of service, idjit."_

Cas sleeps until noon and is sick on and off all day until he wakes up from a second nap just after six.

"You felling any better?" Dean asks.

"I do not feel ill in the slightest. It is quite pleasant."

"Thank god," Dean sighs, "Do you think you can eat something?"

"I believe I am well enough, yes."

It's mostly dark out now as they sit at the kitchen table, and Castiel eats three pieces of toast while Dean relays everything Bobby said. The angel seems intrigued but not surprised.

"So, um," Dean fidgets, "Is the baby..okay?"

He notices when Castiel absently places a hand over his still flat belly.

"Yes, Dean. The child is healthy and safe," he assures.

"What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You haven't exactly been in tip top shape these last few days."

"I'm fine for the time being, but other complications will likely arise sooner or later."

Dean looks at him, studying his stoic expression.

"Cas…"

"Yes, Dean?"

"Nothing. Never mind."

Over the next few days, Cas gets sick less and less frequently. He seems to be doing well, and the relief it gives Dean is immeasurable. He just hopes it lasts.

Oct. 22

It's one morning while Dean is just beginning to wake up; it's still dark out, and rain is padding gently against the roof. Castiel is curled against his chest, and he gives in to the urge to run a hand through his angel's hair. It's soft and shapable as always, and for a moment Dean can't help but just sit there and look at him, watching him breathe.

The hunter places his hand back on Cas' waist, then modifies the protective position so his hand is resting on his angel's stomach.

For a moment he almost thinks he's imagining it, because its very subtle, but there is definitely a slight curve to the angel's belly.

Dean will forever deny the tiny gasp that escapes him upon his discovery.

Castiel stirs slightly and blinks his eyes open just a crack.

"Dean?" he mumbles almost inaudibly.

"Right here, Cas," the hunter assures, pulling him in just that much closer.

"Your hand is on my abdomen."

"Wow," Dean half laughs, "How'd you figure that one out, Sherlock?"

Castiel gives him a confused look.

"It was a simple matter of detecting physical-"

"Cas, I was being sarcastic."

The angel contemplates this.

"I see," he says before placing his hand on top of the hunter's, "I… am beginning to feel the physical effects of the embryo. This is what you are feeling as well?"

"Uh, yeah. If you want to put it that way, I guess."

The rain begins pounding harder, and Castiel wiggles somehow closer to Dean.

The baby is a popular subject as they lay there in bed and talk and kiss until the grey, overcast sky is almost light.

Castiel gets up, and Dean is slightly disappointed when the tiny bump doesn't show through the angel's shirt, which Dean notes is actually his favourite Led Zeppelin shirt, and he can't help but smile, because Cas just looks so right wearing his clothes.

The Hunter wonders if it's visible without the shirt, but doesn't say anything.

He hears the shower running from the bathroom, and Castiel peeks his head out the door. He doesn't even have to say anything, just gives Dean a look, and the hunter knows what he wants.

The shower sex is great and much needed. Dean discovers that the bump does show, just the tiniest bit, and he wants to be mad at himself for being such a girl about it, but he just can't.

Cas makes breakfast, and by the angel's request, they decide to both go work in the yard. Dean puts on his proper attire and makes sure Castiel is suitably bundled up (sweater, coat, scarf, hat, gloves), before he begins working again on the old car he's been fixing up. He knows that he will have to start caring about the money he makes from restoring classic cars if he is going to support a family. He doesn't like the idea, but he makes a decent living fixing these things up from almost nothing, so maybe it won't be much of a change.

Castiel is harvesting some of the squash they have been growing along the side of the house. There are a surprising number of them, but he only takes a few, carefully observing each one to make sure it's ready.

Dean doesn't understand how he is so good at things like this, growing food and cooking. He must be putting some of his weird angel mojo into it, because he picks these things up like they're nothing. From his minimal experience, home grown vegetables usually seem to turn out as tiny, shrivelled little pieces of shit, but these things Cas is picking up look like what you would find at a farmers market.

The hunter smiles fondly at his angel buried in layers upon layers of fabric. He sees Cas press a hand to his stomach, and he works just a little bit harder.

After he's been through the vegetables twice and deemed the remaining squash unready, Castiel places his findings in a basket on the porch, partially as decoration and partially for free refrigerator space. He rakes leaves under the big apple tree next to the house for a while as he watches Dean work, but raking leaves is tiring and, as he quickly discovers, requires a lot more energy than he has available to spare.

He takes a seat in the tire swing he and Dean hung up over the summer and continues observing the hunter from there. He notices it beginning to rain, but the tiny flecks of water feel nice against his skin as he sways back and forth on the swing.

He is so absorbed in the feeling, he almost doesn't notice Dean walking over, and is surprised when the hunter comes around and gives him a gentle push from behind.

"It was smart of you to put a hole in the bottom, so as not to let water collect," Castiel says.

"What?" Dean asks, confused by the random statement.

"The tire," the angel clarifies, "It would be unpleasant to use if it was full of water."

"Oh. Yeah, it would be," the hunter agrees.

He continues to push his angel on the swing. They don't need to talk, just to be together. The rain is more than just a mist now, but beneath the remaining leaves of the apple tree, it is anything but bothersome.

"Dean?" Castiel starts.

"Yeah?"

The angel seems hesitant to continue, letting himself swing back and forth several times before voicing his thoughts.

"Dean, I am afraid."

* * *

So I tried ending on a lighter note than the first two chapters, but maybe I just made it boring by not leaving you guys hanging?

Man, I'm super sorry though. I took forever to update, and then I posted a short chapter. I suck. I'm sorry. I'll try my very best to become more efficient with this. Hopefully I can find a better way to fit this story into my schedule.

Your feedback is much appreciated, as always, and really helps me write. :) Please, please, please, like I said in my earlier comments, I would really, really love suggestions from you guys, and it would definitely help me write. Even if I don't use your idea specifically, it will surely help me spark some of my own (plus I just really want to interact with you lovely people).

Thanks so much for reading again! I'm really sorry if this chapter wasn't very good. I'm not terribly proud of it myself, but I will do better on the next one! I have a few different things in mind, so we'll see where it goes. See you all soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Rating:** PG13 for the time being, but that has potential to change**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes, language(…?), some pretty severe angel!whump in this chapter, also a bit of nondescriptive nakedness  
**Spoilers:** none.**  
A/N: **So, I somehow managed to poop this out ridiculously fast. Don't expect it to happen again, because this chapter is just some kind of small miracle is itself. Thanks so much to everybody who reviewed! Your kind words definitely contributed to this update being so quick! I still have yet to receive any ideas about the story from people. :'( Ah well. I suppose you'll all get around to it if you want to. Thanks so much for coming back yet again! I hope you enjoy this chapter. It should be a lot more exciting than the last one. (;

* * *

The rain is more than just a mist now, but beneath the remaining leaves of the apple tree, it is anything but bothersome.

"Dean?" Castiel starts.

"Yeah?"

The angel seems hesitant to continue, letting himself swing back and forth several times before voicing his thoughts.

"Dean, I am afraid."

The hunter takes a moment to process this; it isn't what he was expecting to hear.

"Hey, it's okay, Cas. I'm scared too," he says, "I'm pretty sure most new parents are."

"Dean, most new parents are not male angels bearing a half human child. The factors to be afraid of are endless! I… Dean, the reason I never told you I could bear a child is because I didn't know!"

The swing has stopped, and the hunter remains standing speechless behind it.

"Cas…"

"I didn't know and, Dean, I don't know what is going to happen to me."

The angel turns around to look at him with glossy eyes.

"What do you mean, 'you don't know'? Cas, you said…"

"Have you heard of nephilim, Dean? They are the children of angels, born of the daughters of men. They are not the children of men born of unsuspecting angels occupying vessels not meant to carry children. There have been stories of such things happening this way, but… I always believed them to be nothing more than myths. I… I do not know what will happen. Dean, I…"

"Cas," Dean gives him a look that Castiel has prayed he would never have to see again, a look of hurt and betrayal; it was not a reaction he had expected from the hunter, "Cas, you said you were going to be okay!"

"Dean-"

"You _told me_ you were going to be okay! I…" the hunter continues over the stupid lump forming in his throat, "I said I didn't want to risk losing you, and you said-"

"Dean, please! I didn't! I didn't lie to you! I-Dean, I didn't…"

"What, so you're telling me-"

"Dean, you asked if I would survive the child bonding with my grace! I told you I would, and I did. I did not lie to you, Dean!"

"I don't care!" the hunter snaps, "What about when I told you I didn't want to risk losing you, huh? Did that just not matter or something, because it seems a lot to me like we're taking that risk now, and we have no way of turning back!"

Castiel looks Dean in the eyes for the first time since the conversation went downhill. Dean is angry, and Castiel has no good excuse.

The angel panics, and disappears between a flutter of unseen wings.

"Shit," Dean mutters as a heavy wave of guilt crashes over him, and he suddenly feels like the biggest jerk on the planet, "Cas! Cas, I'm sorry! Oh fuck, I'm so sorry!"

If the angel can hear him, he makes no indication.

Dean runs to the house, calling Cas' name as he checks each room to no avail.

He's panicking. Castiel hasn't eaten since breakfast, and they've hardly been near each other all day, not to mention its cold and raining, and he hasn't taken a break since they went out. Dean already has a bad feeling crawling in his gut, before he even thinks of how much it must have drained Castiel to fly right now. He doesn't hesitate another second to grab his car keys and get out the door.

Dean has Sam on the phone while he's searching the country roads for his angel. It's getting dark, and he has no other way of keeping himself calm enough to function.

"Oh my god. Sammy, this is all my fault. It's all my fucking fault."

_"Dean, stop it. Beating yourself up over this isn't going to fix anything."_

"God, he looked so scared, and then he was just _gone_… Dammit! Sammy, what if he's dead! He could be dead, and it'll be all my fault!"

_"Dean! Calm down and watch the road. You said he couldn't have gone far, and I think you're right. Where would he have gone that's close by?"_

"I don't know! That's the thing! There isn't anything around here; it takes ten minutes just to drive to town!"

_"Okay, have you _tried_ calling him? …Dean?_"

"Shit."

There is a long stretch of torn up dirt that looks like the landing place of a decent sized meteorite in a field of tall grass.

"Gotta go, Sam."

Dean throws his phone in the passenger seat as he pulls over. He exits his beloved impala and runs across the field to the skid mark in the earth.

Whatever created the miniature crater is now gone and has left nothing behind but the muddy evidence of its crash landing.

Dean notices a disturbance in the grass where something has dragged itself through it. He follows the path with his eyes and spots something move about fifty feet away in a small section of padded down grass.

He rushes through the rain towards the source of the movement and finds Castiel on his knees, supporting himself with one arm as he violently heaves dark crimson into the grass beneath him.

His other shoulder is dislocated and mud is caked into his hair from his crash landing. He is soaked and shaking, and his skin is so pale it's tinged slightly blue, or maybe it just looks that way in contrast with the dark, dripping hair plastered to it and the alarming amount of blood smeared on his face and down the front of his sweater.

He heaves again, bringing up more blood, and his good arm gives way.

He notices Dean as he lands on his side in the mud and the look on his face gets caught somewhere between relieved and mortified.

"Cas-!"

"Dean," the angel coughs, splattering more blood on his hand, "Dean, I am sorry. I apologise for not honouring your wishes. I-"

"Cas, stop it. Stop. You have nothing to apologise for. Shit. I'm so sorry."

"You do not need to repeat yourself, Dean. I heard you the first time."

The hunter Is confused for a moment.

"Right after you disappeared?" he asks.

The angel nods.

"Yes. I heard you, but I was… unable to return."

Dean is overwhelmed by the clashing relief that Castiel is alive and the worry about his condition.

"Hey, it's okay. It's all gonna be okay, buddy, you got that? I've gotta move you, though, okay? Your shoulder is dislocated, so its gonna hurt, but I need to get you to the car so we can get you back home."

The angel nods and winces slightly at the movement, but lets Dean pick him up.

They don't make it far before it becomes apparent that, as much as carrying an angel is difficult, carrying an angel across a field in the rain through tall grass and deep mud is pretty much impossible.

"Dean," Castiel says, wiggling to indicate the hunter should set him down.

Dean does so, and realises what the angel is about to do just a moment too late.

"Cas, don't!"

But the angel has already touched a hand to his shoulder, and suddenly they're standing just outside the car, and Cas is vomiting more blood on the very edge of the road, half on the concrete, and half in the dirt.

"Dammit, Cas…"

Dean places a hand on his good shoulder to steady him. He notices Castiel has stopped shaking, and presses the back of his hand to the angel's neck.

His skin is like ice.

"Fuck. Cas, take your clothes off and get in the back."

"Dean, I don't believe now is the proper time to have a 'quickie'."

"What? Cas, no! You're hypothermic; I need to warm you up! Now get naked and get in the back."

The angel does as he's told and wraps himself in the the blanket Dean gives him, while the hunter turns the heat all the way up.

Dean peels off his wet shirt and jacket, throwing them in the trunk and grabbing more fleece blankets before joining Cas in the backseat.

His jeans and boxers meet the floor, and he pulls Castiel into his lap, being extra careful of his shoulder.

He's so cold, Dean is pretty sure he would be dead if he was human, and that contradicting feeling of combined worry and relief is back again.

The hunter places a hand on his angels belly, waiting for that strange feeling to come again, to be reassured, but it isn't there.

"He is fine," Castiel says, just as Dean is about to panic, "You won't be able to feel him now, but I am focusing what heat I have been able to retain so he will be comfortable."

Dean is taken slightly aback by the angel's choice of pronouns.

"It's a he?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"How can you tell? Can you like sense its gender or something?"

"Yes, I suppose you could say that. Although I could be… 'sensing' incorrectly."

Dean nods and wipes some of the newly drying blood from Cas' cheek and the corners of his lips.

"Fuck… Cas, don't ever do that again," Dean huffs, holding his angel a little tighter, "God dammit…"

The hunter presses his head to the angel's neck and just breathes for a moment.

"I'm sorry I frightened you."

Dean huffs a small laugh.

"Frightened doesn't even begin to cover it."

They sit there, naked beneath the blankets in the back of the impala, on a deserted country road in the near-dark as rain taps against the hood of the car. They sit there until Cas regains some colour to his complexion and has warmed up enough to start shivering again and safely endure the drive home.

The angel is mostly asleep by the time Dean puts his clothes back on and drives them back to the house. He remains that way when Dean carries him inside and until he is placed unexpectedly in a hot bath and joined soon after by his lover behind him.

Cas takes a while to wash and warm up, but when they're finished, Dean sits him on the bed and pops his shoulder back into place, using the not-actually-on-three trick, much to Castiel's dismay.

The hunter isn't quite ready to cover up his angel's ever so slightly protruding tummy when he finishes bandaging up his shoulder and instructing him not to try and heal himself, but he does want to make sure he stays warm, so he helps him into a clean sweater in addition to some warm sweat pants and thick socks.

They go downstairs, and cuddle up on the couch.

Dean makes tea and popcorn, and introduces his angel to Donnie Darko. Castiel somehow understands the movie the first time through without anything being explained to him. Even after seeing the movie several times, Dean still doesn't really get it.

"Cas," he prompts as they are lying in bed.

"Yes, Dean?"

"I really am sorry… about earlier. I shouldn't have gotten so angry. I don't know why I just lost it like that, but I…"

"Dean, you are not at fault. You are not in control of your emotions, and you had a valid reason to be upset."

"Yeah, well I am in control of how I deal with my emotions, and I had no right to be taking it out on you… I just have been really on edge lately. I'm worried about you, Cas. When you're getting sick and hurting, and you can't fix yourself," Dean is slightly choked up now, "That's fucking scary, man, and I know it must be hell for you, but it's no tea party for me either."

Castiel looks at him with a guilty expression as he sets his hand on top of the hunter's that is resting on his belly.

The angel looks like he's about to apologise again, but Dean cuts him off.

"You're gonna be just fine, Cas. You said it wasn't gonna be easy, and it hasn't been, but everything is gonna be fine; remember that. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?"

Castiel nods.

"Thank you, Dean," he says, relaxing into his position in the hunter's arms and promptly falling asleep.

Dean is woken by his angel avidly shaking him into consciousness sometime in the wee hours of the morning.

"Cas? Cas, what's wrong?" he scrambles to sit up.

Castiel chuckles, "Nothing is wrong, Dean, just," the angel looks down, slightly embarrassed by his excitement, "I can feel his heart beating."

Nov. 6

Cas doesn't fit into his jeans anymore. He's sure he did just a few days ago, but it's hopeless now.

He's started wearing Dean's pants, which he has to roll up at the bottoms, but even those are beginning to feel a little tight. Thankfully, his tummy is still hidden well by his oversized sweaters, but t-shirts and flannels are out of the question for going out in public (not that anything other than a sweater would be appropriate for the chilly weather outside).

At first, he sort of looked like he'd just put on a few pounds, and with the help of baggy clothing, he still does, but without it he definitely looks… pregnant… and the habit Cas has developed of touching a hand to his belly definitely does nothing to help diverge that image.

Dean is taking him to the farmers market to pick up some other vegetables to go along with the exponentially growing collection of squash sitting on their front porch.

They close at five, so Dean hurries as he reties Castiel's scarf correctly and adjusts his hat so it isn't heinously askew.

It never fails to impress the hunter how amazingly incapable Castiel is of dressing himself properly. Of course, it is sort of adorable, and he actually kind of enjoys fixing the mistakes for him, but nobody needs to know that.

There are just a few little tarp covered stands lining the end of the street. Not many people are willing to stand out in this weather just to sell a few of their goods.

Castiel picks out some carrots, sweet potatoes, and various other typical vegetables, along with a bunch of strange looking leaves and some weird lumpy things that Dean isn't even going to try to name.

They head back home, and Dean stands on the far side of the island counter in the kitchen, watching his angel chopping and mixing squash and the various strange looking vegetables to make some kind of soup that smells absolutely evil.

"Cas, we need to buy him clothes… and diapers," Dean starts spontaneously, "And he'll need a carseat and bottles, and we'll have to get formula, and he needs a crib. We should probably get baby blankets too, maybe a stuffed animal or something. He needs a room too. I guess I just assumed we'd use one of the empty ones, but they're not very welcoming. We should paint it. I think we need to get special shampoo or soap or something, too… and don't you need to powder their butts? I'm pretty sure you have to put powder on their butts."

"I don't know, Dean. My experience in this area is not a reliable source of information," Castiel says as he sets two bowls of soup on the table.

"Damn. We have a lot to do… what about names? What're we gonna name him? We don't have a whole lot of time to figure these things out…"

"No, we don't," the angel agrees, "I would expect another five weeks at the very most."

"What?! Five weeks?! You said three months; it's hardly been one!"

"It seems that I miscalculated the gestation period. He is developing more quickly than I expected."

"Great," Dean groans, "Just great. And when exactly were you planning on telling me this?"

"I did just now," Castiel says bluntly.

Dean sighs and lets it slide.

"Dammit, we have a lot to do…"

* * *

And here is where I must leave you once again. Sorry it's a bit short.

I'm in a really good mood right now, for whatever reason. Maybe because it's really starting to feel all holiday-like and cosy around here… well, indoors. It's _damn_ cold outside, holy hell!

Anyways, I really hope you enjoyed the chapter! Thanks so much for reading!

Once again, I really, really appreciate each review, and they really do motivate me to finish the chapters more quickly. I still would really love to hear some suggestions from you guys, but nobody seems to be willing to share if they're having any ideas.

Maybe you all just have so much trust in me (you really shouldn't) that you don't even bother to wonder what will become in the next chapter, because I'm just that good. That's gotta be it. That's it for sure.

Really, though, I would appreciate any ideas very much. Don't be afraid, I promise I'm friendly! I don't bite! I'm from up north; I'm not actually a troll (humans live here too, y'know)!

Again, thanks so much for reading! See you soon…ish. :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Rating:** PG13 for the time being, but that has potential to change**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes… if you're still here, you're not gonna be offended by anything new  
**Spoilers:** mild S5**  
A/N: **What's this? I'm back again? Oh Jesus, and you're back too! WHAT IS THIS. Wow. I would really like to thank everyone who reviewed! Everyone is so nice, I just don't even have words to say how happy you make me. You all say these wonderful things, and then I'm afraid I'll disappoint you with the next chapter, and then you all say wonderful things again…/happy sobbing. Sorry this update took a while. I really tried, but school is just being a little bitch right now. :( Anyways, here's chapter five! I hope you enjoy!

**A/N #2: **Just in case anyone was curious, they did reschedule the Muse concert. I just have to wait until July now. Ehhhhhh… I really shouldn't be complaining. I still get to see them, so yay! Let's celebrate with this new chapter!

* * *

"Damn. We have a lot to do… what about names? What're we gonna name him? We don't have a whole lot of time to figure these things out…"

"No, we don't," the angel agrees, "I would expect another five weeks at the very most."

"What?! Five weeks?! You said three months; it's hardly been one!"

"It seems that I miscalculated the gestation period. He is developing more quickly than I expected."

"Great," Dean groans, "Just great. And when exactly were you planning on telling me this?"

"I did just now," Castiel says bluntly.

Dean sighs and lets it slide.

"Dammit, we have a lot to do…"

Nov. 10

They're painting one of the empty rooms they'd never had a use for before upstairs. It's directly across from their room. The doors are actually parallel to each other, which Dean had always thought was a bit strange, but now it's sort of comforting.

They chose a light greyish colour with a slight blue-purple tinge. It looks nice with the white moulding and windowpane, and it's pretty much gender neutral in its subtlety.

Cas insisted on helping, but had been pretty sick the day before. He paints occasionally on the more easily accessible spaces, but Dean wants him to take it easy.

Right now, he's sitting on the floor, one hand absently resting on his belly, the other painting the lower half of the wall with an unnecessary amount of precision and concentration.

"Cas, how're you doing?" Dean asks.

"I am fine, Dean," Castiel says, sounding slightly irritated and still concentrated on his painting.

Then suddenly, the angel goes stiff. His eyebrows furrow, and his expression becomes almost…offended.

Dean watches him, worried.

"Cas?"

"Dean," the angel looks like a stranger just walked up to him and punched him in the face, confused and upset, "I believe he is irritated with me."

The hunter gives him a questioning look, "What do you mean? Are you like reading his emotions now or something?"

Castiel is staring at his belly like it's just committed a crime.

"No. He just kicked me."

He looks to Dean for condolence.

The hunter just laughs.

"Cas, he's not mad at you. He's just testing out his limbs."

The angel frowns.

"It isn't necessary for him to be so violent about it."

Castiel stiffens again and moves his hand a little lower, "Dean, I think he is angry."

The hunter smiles fondly.

"Nah, he just doesn't know how to control his movements yet."

Dean is fidgeting like he does when he wants to ask something but can't push his pride far enough back to man up and say it. Castiel doesn't point it out, but he can take a guess as to what Dean is pining over.

"Do you want to feel him?" he asks.

The hunter nods sheepishly and places a hand delicately on his angel's stomach. Its another few minutes before the baby kicks again, but Dean feels it, and he's speechless.

It's one thing talk about him or 'sense his presence' or whatever, but physically feeling him move is indescribable.

"Wow," Dean muses, "Little guy's really in there."

Castiel looks at him, perplexed.

"Of course he is. What else would be-"

"Nothing, Cas. Never mind."

They manage to finish painting the room with just enough time to head into town for dinner.

It snows as they're driving, and Dean looks over at the passenger seat to see Cas sleeping peacefully against the window, wrapped snugly in his blue scarf and ushanka. The baby's shape is lost somewhere beneath the layers of jacket upon hoodie upon sweater, but Dean knows he is there.

They get pizza from a local place, and Cas eats about two thirds of it. Dean pokes fun at him for being a bottomless pit, and Castiel spends about ten minutes explaining to him how that statement is almost entirely accurate.

It's dark by the time they are done at the restaurant, and there is a thin layer of white on the ground from the on-and-off snowing since they'd left the house.

Cas grabs a blanket from the trunk before situating himself in the passenger seat of the impala.

"Don't get too comfortable," Dean warns, "We're not going home just yet."

He stops and buys hot cocoas, enjoying the pleasantly surprised look on Castiel's face, before he drives them to a small park at the centre of town. It isn't much, only a slide and a few swings, but it's peaceful with the quiet snow gently floating down around them.

Cas exits the car, following after Dean, his blanket draped over his shoulders as a protective shell from the cold and his cocoa proving to make a very pleasant hand warmer.

They sit on the swings drinking their cocoas in silence. Cas' is peppermint. He likes that.

The angel's nose and cheeks are rosy with the cold against his milky skin. The little flecks of snow stand out on his eyelashes and in the tuft of dark hair sticking out from his hat.

All Dean can think of is how gorgeous he looks right now.

"Dean… you wish for me to voice my concerns to you, correct?"

The hunter gives him a worried look.

"Yeah, I do. What's the matter, Cas?"

"Dean, you remember the last case we were on, yes? With the two demons…"

"Yeah. Of course I do."

Castiel is hesitant to continue, as if speaking his fears aloud will make them come true.

"They were afraid of our baby; they wanted to kill him while I was vulnerable… yet, I am still vulnerable now, and since then, we haven't so much as heard of any omens in the area. Don't you think that's a bit strange?"

"Now that you bring it up, yeah, that is kind of weird."

Castiel places a hand protectively over his belly.

"He seems happy right now," he informs the hunter, "He's just wiggling around… Dean, what if-"

"Cas, don't torture yourself," he says, "You know what? The only reason those demons knew about him was because they saw you, and neither of them got away, so it's not like they could have made it public news or anything."

"Word travels fast amongst demons, Dean."

"Not when they're dead, it doesn't. Cas, I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay? You should know that."

The angel nods.

"I do know that, Dean, but I am still afraid… I am not accustomed to being so weak, knowing that I would be unable to protect myself were the need to arise, and it frightens me."

Castiel is watching intently as the snow falls from the sky.

"If my brothers and sisters were to have reason to wish him dead," he continues, "There would be no hope of stopping them."

"Cas, we averted the apocalypse! I think we can take on a few-"

"Dean, the apocalypse was something much bigger and much more complicated than this, and we did not stop it on our own! Many people gave their lives. The entire human race was at stake, not one half-human child! People will not sacrifice their lives for the sake of one child, Dean, and it would be wrong to ask them to… It wouldn't matter anyway, because if heaven wanted him extinguished, it would be as simple as sending someone down to rip him from my grace. We would both be dead instantly."

Dean watches as his angel kicks up snow and bark chips with the toe of his shoe, his face solemn and contemplative. He pulls the ear flaps of his ushanka down, tighter around his face, keeping his gaze on the ground as he does so.

Dean remembers when Cas first got that hat. He said he liked the irony of it because the the fuzzy white interior was so warm, but it reminded him of clouds, which are very cold.

"Dean, I feel ill," the angel says, finally looking up at him, "Can we go home now?"

The hunter gives him a sympathetic look and stands up.

"Yeah, Cas. We can go home… Shit. I'm sorry, buddy."

Castiel stands as well and walks over to rest his head on Dean's shoulder. The hunter puts his arms around him and gently pats his back.

They stay like that for several minutes. It's snowing harder now, falling down in large flakes around them.

"This is pleasant," the angel says, his body now relaxed, leaning against the hunter's, almost limp.

"Yeah," Dean agrees, "You still wanna go home?"

Castiel contemplates.

"I'm feeling better now… I would like to stay…like this."

Dean kisses the top of his head.

"Okay," he agrees.

They stay there for a long time, until the cold is stinging their fingers, and Castiel is beginning to drift asleep. And if their kisses got a little heated before they left, if they had to take care of some things in the back of the impala, no one was around to witness it but the snow.

Castiel rests his head against the window as they're driving home. He keeps blinking himself awake just as he's about to fade into sleep.

"Just go sleep, Cas. I'll wake you when we get home."

"I'm trying to," Castiel says, sounding more than a little frustrated, "He won't stop moving."

He places a hand on his belly as if he can will the baby into stillness.

Dean can't help but laugh a little at Cas' frustration.

"He's an active little dude, isn't he?" the hunter chuckles and receives a glare from his angel.

Nov. 12

It was funny a first, but apparently the baby is nocturnal… or maybe he just really doesn't want Cas to sleep. Ever.

After two days of hardly any rest, Castiel is finally passed out on the couch, and he is gone. Dean's sure he could start chucking rocks at him, and the angel wouldn't so much as twitch.

He decides to go out and work on the car. It's almost ready to be put up for sale, and it won't take long for him to add the final touches.

The work is even quicker than he expected, and he finishes with time left over to complete another project he's been working on out in the garage.

It's supposed to be a surprise for Cas, and it's almost done. The only thing left to finish is the paint job.

He has nothing better to do, so he takes his time, layering the white smoothly and evenly, and doing the same with the slightly glossy overcoat.

The time passes quickly, and before he knows it, he's taking a step back to look proudly at his work. He smiles to himself, knowing it will look great in the baby's room, not to mention save them a good deal of money not having to buy a crib.

He goes back inside to find Cas still out cold on the sofa. He's slept through most of the day now, but Dean really isn't surprised.

He looked like shit before he finally passed out. He was barely even coherent. Dean had asked if he wanted some toast, and Cas began telling him about how much he hates corn dogs.

To be honest, Dean had been getting worried. He never quite made it there, but calling Bobby had crossed his mind more than once.

Waiting around the house for Cas to wake up is boring the hunter out of his mind. He doesn't want to wake Cas up if he turns on the tv, and he can't exactly leave the house.

He had spent a good amount of time carrying the pieces upstairs and reassembling the crib in the baby's room, but that's over now, and the hunter is left with nothing to do but sit around and wait.

The next thing he knows, Castiel is shaking him awake, muttering something about neck pains and not sleeping at the kitchen table.

Dean tries to deny it at first, until he realises that he had just been asleep, and he really is sitting at the kitchen table.

He doesn't even remember going in there, much less making himself the half empty cup of that stupid tea that's cradled between his palms.

He wants to be annoyed by Castiel's snickering at his sleep induced haziness, but he only seems to be able to find it endearing.

They have an early dinner, and Dean shows his angel the crib. Castiel loves it, its simple design with the protective sigils carved into the headboard.

"It's perfect," he tells Dean and kisses the hunter on the cheek.

That night before bed, Dean catches him looking in the mirror at his swollen belly. It's a struggle for him to get Dean's pants buttoned now, and his sweaters conceal his tummy less and less each day.

"Something wrong, Cas?"

The angel places both hands on his stomach.

"I have not felt him move since I woke up…"

The look of worry on the angel's face is something Dean wants badly to go away.

"Hey, it's okay, Cas. I'm sure he's just tired too," the hunter assures, "I mean, he was the one doing all the moving around, right?"

Castiel contemplates this, then nods.

"Yes, that… sounds logical," he says, mostly to convince himself.

Nov. 13

Sometime in the early hours of the morning, Dean wakes up to Castiel's violent twisting and turning beside him. Small, sad noises are escaping his lips, and Dean can't tell if Cas is hurting or just having a bad nightmare.

The angel begins thrashing, and Dean shakes him awake. His eyes shoot open, only to fill rapidly with tears.

"Dean?" he whimpers brokenly as his hands search frantically between the layers of tangled blankets to feel his baby.

"Dean, he's gone! He's gone! He's gone! He's gone!"

"Cas!"

"He's gone, Dean! He was already gone! He came to us gone!"

"Cas! Stop it! He's okay!"

The hunter grabs his angel's hands and places them over what he is searching for, letting his own linger on top of them, "Cas, you're okay. He's fine. Everything is fine; it was just a nightmare."

The angel watches Dean's face before he curls in on himself, protectively holding his tummy as he begins to sob.

The hunter watches him worriedly as he holds him and lets him cry on his shoulder and runs his fingers soothingly through Castiel's hair

"You wanna talk about it?" he asks after several minutes.

Castiel is quiet for a moment. He bites his lip, and the gesture seems very human.

"I was dreaming… it was just a dream," he muses.

"Yeah, Cas… just a dream."

The angel is quiet again. His sobbing has turned into an occasional sniffle or hitch in his voice.

"He was stillborn," he finally says, "Then he was just gone. There was not a trace of him, and there was nothing we could-we couldn't save him…"

Castiel is holding back tears; Dean can see it.

He pulls his angel closer, running fingers through his hair.

"Hey, it's okay, buddy… it was just a dream, but it's okay to cry, Cas," he says.

"You're one to talk," the angel counters with a sniffle, but he listens to Dean and stops holding back.

The hunter continues to hold him, softly speaking reassurances to him. It puts the angel at ease, but Dean never realises just how tense he is until Castiel suddenly relaxes against him all at once.

The breath he takes in sounds relieved, Dean notes, as if he was unable to take in air while he was distressed.

"He just moved," the angel says.

It was small, only a little shift, but it's enough to bring Cas out of the frightened, worrying state he'd been in.

Nov. 17

The nightmares have continued for three consecutive nights. First the baby was stillborn, then he was born very weak and ill ('I watched the life drain from him. I _felt_ him die, Dean,' Cas had said), next he was killed by demons, and now Dean is watching his angel, waiting for the inevitable, for Cas to wake up frantic and scared.

It turns out he hadn't needed to stay awake for him.

Dean knows its coming when Castiel starts tossing and turning, but this time the angel wakes up screaming.

His cries are a mixture of 'No!' and 'Stop!' and 'Leave him alone! Don't touch him!'

It breaks Dean's heart.

He gets closer and sees that Cas really isn't awake at all.

"Cas!" he shakes him, "Cas, wake up!"

"No! Don't touch him! Don't touch him!" Castiel thrashes and pushes Dean away.

The angel opens his eyes to see the hunter leaning over him, hands raised in surrender.

"Dean," he chokes. He's sweating, and his skin is like paper, "Dean… they wanted to kill him. They tried to-they almost killed him."

"Cas…"

The hunter tries to place his hand on the angel's belly, but Castiel pushes him away and scrambles to put as much distance between them as he can without falling off the bed.

"Don't touch him!" he screams. He sounds scared, and Dean's heart shatters.

"Cas, it's me," he inches closer. Castiel moves back.

"Stop! Don't touch him!"

Dean opens his mouth to speak.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM!"

* * *

Alas, the time is upon us where I must leave you lovelies (hanging) once again.

I apologise for the update taking a bit longer than usual. The last several days have really, really sucked for me, and this story has kind of been my go to source of happiness.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I'll try my best to be quicker with the next one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Rating:** PG13. I think that one's pretty much set in stone by now. **  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes… if you're still here, you're not gonna be offended by anything new  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **Hi again! I'm so sorry for the crazy long update time! I've been really busy as of late, but I should be back to quick (well, not painfully slow) updating real soon. Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed! Once again, you guys really are my main source of motivation, and you all say such lovely things. Thank you! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! I feel like I didn't do so well with the second half of the last one, so hopefully I can make up for it in this chapter :)

* * *

"Don't touch him!" he screams. He sounds scared, and Dean's heart shatters.

"Cas, it's me," he inches closer. Castiel moves back.

"Stop! Don't touch him!"

Dean opens his mouth to speak.

"DON'T TOUCH HIM!"

The hunter backs away, shocked.

Cas is afraid of him.

He feels something squeeze in his chest at that. It hurts.

Castiel has somehow scurried his way into the corner of the room where he is now curled in on himself, trying to hide in the shadows.

Dean stays put but makes another attempt to console him.

"Cas, it's me, Dean… I'm not gonna hurt you, buddy. Why would I ever hurt you?" he reasons, his voice leaking a lot more hurt than he had hoped for. He receives no answer.

"Cas, I'm _not_ gonna hurt you. How could you ever think that?"

He can't see well, but it appears that the angel is beginning to look ashamed. Cas moves forward slightly from the corner.

"Dean?" he mumbles cautiously, his voice shaking.

"It's okay, Cas. I'm not gonna hurt you. I would never hurt you. You know that… Never."

The angel comes to the edge of the bed.

"See? Cas, it's okay. There's no-"

He's looking at the hunter, his brow slightly furrowed, lips pressed tightly together, a frightened note to his expression.

Dean knows that look.

He also knows it's too late to intervene as Castiel gives him an apologetic look before leaning forward and getting sick on the carpet.

The hunter sighs.

"Dammit, Cas… you really couldn't've waited for a bucket?"

The angel is shaking.

"S-sorry…" he whimpers, his voice hardly above a whisper, "Dean, I'm sorry…"

The hunter looks at him, eyebrows furrowed.

"Cas…"

He sees the angel beginning to sway and hurries to him with the trash bin before he pukes on the floor again.

"Dean, I'm sorry…" he mumbles again, not bothering to wipe the sick from the side of his mouth.

Dean curses and does it for him, or maybe for himself. He's not really sure, and he doesn't really care.

_'The shit I put up with for you_,' he thinks to himself. He's pretty sure he would never, ever wipe puke from Sam's mouth, but then again, his brother would probably have the common sense to do it himself.

"S-sorry…"

"Cas, stop. You're sick. You aren't supposed to be sorry for being sick," he says, frustrated.

He reaches out to rub the angel's back, but pulls away. He isn't going to risk another episode like that.

It's almost become a reflex now, to touch him when something is wrong. It's frustrating not to. He won't though. He won't… but then Castiel rests his weight against him, and suddenly everything seems okay.

Dean is surprised at first, but tentatively puts an arm around his angel.

He can feel him drifting from consciousness when he doesn't get sick again and carefully lifts him back into bed.

The angel sits up abruptly and pushes Dean away the moment his head hits the pillow.

"No! No, I can't go back!"

"Cas, you need to sleep," the hunter says, "You're tired, man. You can't extert so much of yourself to sustain the baby and just not do anything to make up for it."

"Dean, I can't! I can't! They want to kill him!" Castiel pleads.

The hunter looks at him apologetically.

"Cas…" he sighs, "What was it this time? They're just dreams, Cas. They can't really hurt you."

"No, Dean," Castiel captures the hunter's eyes with his own. He watches his expression, his gaze lingering on the scattered freckles across his nose and cheeks. He wonders if the baby will inherit them, "This time it was my brothers."

Angels.

The hunter swears he can't breathe for a moment.

"What-Cas, are you sure? Was it real? I mean, you're sure it wasn't just in your head?" he panics.

Cas is biting his lip again, slowly shifting his gaze from one side to the other. He looks so painfully human right now, and Dean doesn't know what to make of it.

"I don't know, Dean," the angel says, "But I can't go back. I will not take that risk."

The hunter lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair.

"What are you going to do then, Cas? You can't just not sleep. It doesn't work like that."

"I was fine without sleep before, Dean."

"Yeah? Well you're not anymore, Cas, and you're not gonna be as long as you've still got a baby onboard."

The angel gives him a less than appreciative glare.

"What else do you propose I do then, Dean? Go back to sleep and pray that my brothers won't be waiting there to pry into my thoughts and find where we are? Just pray that they won't show up here prepared to kill?"

"Cas, I didn't mean-"

"I know that is not what you meant, Dean, but you cannot let me fall asleep. That is the risk that is at stake."

Nov. 19

Cas hasn't slept in almost three days. He looks sick. He is sick.

His skin is pallid and clammy. His eyes are dull and vacant. He looks as if he's about to die from some horrible, life-sucking terminal illness.

"I never get to see his face," the angel mumbles, his voice hollow and sad.

"What, Cas?" the hunter asks, as if he were speaking to a dying cancer patient.

"I never get to see his face… before he dies," he says quietly, "I want…to see his face. I want to know if he has your freckles, Dean. "

"Hey…you'll get to see his face. Real soon, Cas… and if he doesn't have freckles, then that really ain't much of a curse."

The angel blinks at him.

"Dean, please stop talking to me like I am sick and dying," he requests disinterestedly.

"Then stop fucking _looking_ like you're sick and dying, Cas! … _Goddammit_! Have you seen yourself? You look like you could go out any second!"

Castiel stares at him vacantly. He doesn't notice the liquid gathering in the hunters eyes.

"God_dammit_," Dean whispers as he walks away.

Sam comes over that night to stay up with Cas so Dean can sleep.

It's obvious he's surprised by the size of the angel's belly. He doesn't mention it, but he stares and then tries too hard not to look.

Dean passes out on the couch almost instantly, and the room suddenly becomes very awkward.

Sam is sitting in a chair across from Castiel, who is staring at him thoughtlessly, like a zombie.

"So have you guys thought of any names yet?" he asks, trying to break the tension.

The angel doesn't reply for several seconds.

"No," he answers bluntly.

He sounds worn out, tired, and looks it too. The exhaustion is present beneath his half-lidded eyes and stands out against his colourless skin.

"None at all?"

"No."

Sam realises he isn't going to get anything more from the angel out of that question.

"Can I, uh, get you anything?" he tries again.

The angel shakes his head.

Maybe it's the baggy pants and huge sweater that's practically eating him, but he looks so small and delicate, curled up around his tummy.

Either way, it's obvious he isn't in the mood for casual conversation, so Sam switches the topic to something more useful.

"So, Dean told me about the nightmares you've been having."

Castiel doesn't say anything but seems to give his attention to the younger Winchester.

"There's no way you can tell if anyone's messing with your head?"

The angel is quiet. For a moment, Sam thinks he isn't going to respond again.

"I normally would be able to sense the difference of their presence," he says after a minute, "A celestial presence in a dream would stand out from those created by the mind… but my grace is very weak at the moment, and everything is so hazy in these dreams. I cannot tell."

Sam nods, somehow seeming a bit more relaxed.

"Well I'm no expert, Cas, but it sounds to me like those are just regular dreams."

The angel is more alert now, still tired, but no longer dazed and out of it.

"Yes, Sam, I am well aware, but I am not willing to take such a risk on the chance that it is not 'just a regular dream.' It would potentially compromise the lives of both the child and myself, as well as endanger your brother… and if such an event were to occur in which the child and I were not to survive, your brother _would_ find a way to blame himself. You know that," he says, glancing at the lump of Dean on the couch, sprawled out on his stomach like a starfish.

The young Winchester nods as he seems to contemplate this.

"What are you gonna do then?" he asks, "I mean, eventually you're just gonna pass out…and no offence or anything, but you don't look like you're gonna make it much longer."

"You will need to keep me awake in the event of my 'dozing,'" Castiel says, complete with air quotes.

"Well, eventually you're body isn't going to care if anyone is keeping you awake or not, and there's no way you can keep this up for another-how much time did you say is left again?"

"Three weeks at best."

"Right. You're going to have to sleep eventually."

The angel is staring vacantly at the carpet.

"Cas."

No response.

"Hey. Cas."

Still unacknowledged.

"_Castiel_."

The angel sits up, startled, then melts back into the chair.

He keeps closing his eyes and opening them very slowly, almost rhythmically.

"Where's Dean?" he asks, "He said he wasn't going to leave again. He said he wouldn't."

"Dean's right there on the couch, Cas. He hasn't gone anywhere."

"But, he said," the angel continues, placing a hand on his belly and suddenly looking completely heartbroken, "He said he wouldn't leave…"

"He didn't _leave_, Cas. He's right next to you," Sam attempts to calm the now shuddering angel, "See?" he asks, holding up one of Dean's arms that had been hanging over the edge of the couch and waving it at Castiel.

The angel freezes. A tear that had been threatening to spill falls and races down his cheek, but he just stares at Dean.

"When did Dean get home?" he nearly whispers, still unmoving, "I was so worried, and he didn't even say hello…"

"Cas, he's been here the whole time," Sam tries to tell him.

The angel leans back in the chair, completely unresponsive and looking weirdly upset, like he had just confirmed some tragic detail that he had been expecting for a while but hadn't fully wrapped his head around its weight.

"Castiel," he tries again, "Cas!"

Sam is getting the feeling the angel doesn't even know he's there.

He reaches over and tries to shake Dean awake. The older brother stirs and swats Sam's hand away.

"Dean, wake up," he says more sternly, slapping his brother on the back.

"Jesus, Sammy, what-" he sees the concerned look on his brother's face, "What's wrong?"

The hunter glances over at his angel curled up and rocking back and forth in the chair.

"I think he's hallucinating," Sam says, "I tried to snap him out if it, but I don't think he even knows I'm here."

Dean sighs, looking worriedly at his angel, and gets up.

Castiel is doing that thing with his eyes again, opening and closing them very slowly.

"Hey, Cas," the hunter says softly, as he bends down to be at eye level with his angel, who briefly looks up at him before letting his eyelids sink back down. A tiny smile pulls at Dean's lips at the sight of his face.

"Dean…" he whispers with a certain relaxed fondness that doesn't show in his expression.

Several seconds tick by and his eyes don't open again. Several more pass, and he doesn't move a muscle.

Dean's smile falters.

"Cas? You still with us, man?"

No response.

"Cas…?"

Nothing.

The attempts at shaking the angel awake prove to be fruitless, but Dean keeps trying for far too long, and Sam has to reason with him that Castiel is exhausted, and he doesn't seem to be having any nightmares, so maybe the best thing they can do is just let him sleep.

Nov. 26

Castiel had ended up sleeping for a full day an a half. He Never showed any signs of having nightmares, and when he awoke, he had no recollection of having any dreams whatsoever.

It seemed a little odd to Dean that they had ceased so abruptly, but he supposed going three days without sleep could probably mess up your dreaming patterns or whatever the hell you would call that.

They'd had to buy Castiel new pants. It was an experience Dean never ever wants to resurface, possibly the most awkward encounter of his life.

But on the bright side, in case it ever comes in handy, they now know that Castiel is capable of fitting into women's jeans.

The last few days have been wonderfully uneventful. The baby is very active, according to the angel, who now has at least one hand on his belly more often than not. He hasn't had a single nightmare since that whole fiasco, and things are going unexpectedly well.

Things are going too well, and Dean is worried.

He sold the car. The pay is more than enough to pay for baby essentials and get them through the month.

They've already bought a two-in-one carrier-slash-carseat, and way more pairs of socks than the baby could ever need. Dean had tried to tell him that when they're that small, babies' feet are usually covered anyway, but Cas just couldn't get over how cute and tiny they were, hence the small pile of zero to three month sized baby socks in the corner of their room.

Castiel still sleeps a lot; he gets tired easily and still gets sick on occasion, but that's nothing new or out of the ordinary… well, as far as ordinary goes in his condition.

Dean wanted to get him out of the house for a while, so they're at the park again, all bundled up with hot cocoas in hand. The snow is several inches deep and entirely undisturbed upon their arrival. It's so peaceful and calm with the quiet all around them and not a single person in sight.

The swings are beckoning to be occupied. Dean pads through the snow effortlessly, dragging his angel slightly by the hand as Castiel trails more strenuously behind.

It's becoming difficult for him to walk. The strain on his vessel is becoming apparent, and he doesn't quite seem to have the juice to fix the pain.

He's still smiling, though. He looks so beautiful with the moonlight illuminating his alabaster skin and the pinkness on his nose and cheeks, lighting up his chapped lips that just might be a bit more swollen than usual thanks to the hunter beside him, who just might happen to be suffering the same ailment.

It's so perfect. Everything is so perfect… yet something doesn't feel right.

Castiel can't diagnose the cause of his uneasiness. He almost feels too happy, like he hasn't completed the necessary tasks to earn this reward.

He places his hand in its seemingly natural place now on his belly.

The baby wiggles slightly inside of him, as if he can sense Castiel's need for that small comfort.

The baby is fine. Everything seems fine.

Castiel decides to push his worries aside, writing it off as hormone induced anxiety.

They sit on the swings and talk for the better part of an hour. Many things come up pertaining to the baby, but there is a silent mutual pact between them that the subject of names is to be avoided.

Neither of them are quite sure why, but it doesn't feel like the right time.

It's just as they're about to leave that Castiel really starts feeling uneasy. Dean notices this time.

"Everything okay, Cas?" he asks.

The angel nods and steps forwards so he can rest against the hunter's firm stature.

"You are very comfortable, Dean," he says.

"Uh, thanks," the hunter replies.

The angel nuzzles into the crook of his neck, "You're welcome."

Dean holds him for awhile, knowing that's what he wants and feeling the contentment radiate from his smaller body.

"We should go, Cas. You look tired."

The angel agrees without protest or hesitation, and Dean plants a kiss on his forehead before turning to walk back towards the car and reaching a hand back in offering to Castiel.

He turns around when the angel doesn't take it, to find that he is completely gone, not a trace of him, aside from the footprints in the snow.

"Cas…?"

There is a loud thwack as his angel reappears thirty feet away being slammed into the trunk of a large tree by a man Dean has never seen before but can tell is an angel by the silver blade he is threatening at Castiel.

"The abomination has lived far too long," he says with a swift blow to the other angel's face.

Castiel looks both terrified and ashamed, his lip bleeding and a bruise forming on his cheek, balance noticeably off.

Dean tries to yell out, but he's too late. The unnamed angel is too quick, thrusting his blade at Castiel with every intention of killing both him and the child.

The hunter's voice is caught in his throat as he waits for the inevitable blast wave of his life shattering into a billion pieces.

It never comes, though.

He peeks up just in time to see a bright light encasing his angel and has to shield his eyes.

He feels a burst of wind, and then the light fades away. He removes his arm from over his eyes and looks around frantically for his engel. There's no sign of either of them.

"Cas?"

Nothing.

"Cas!"

Silence.

Then he is startled by a sudden weight against his side.

"Cas! Holy shit!" he exclaims as he catches his toppling angel, holding him tightly against his chest, "What the hell just happened?"

"Dean," he chokes, wiggling slightly away from the hunter's grip. He lets him go but keeps a steadying hand on his angel's arm as he throws up crimson in the snow.

"You okay, buddy?" Dean asks, rubbing his back.

The angel nods.

"What the hell was that?"

"A defence mechanism of some sort. I believe it was my grace lashing out to protect the child."

He leans his weight back against the hunter, resting his head on his shoulder, "It has… drained me."

"Damn," Dean whispers, holding him tighter, "Holy shit. Cas, I thought you were dead."

He runs a hand through hi angel's hair, "How is he?"

Castiel moves a hand to his belly.

"Startled, but alright."

"Jesus christ, Cas…"

"_Dean_," the angel reprimands at the blasphemy.

The hunter chuckles and plants a chaste but strong kiss oh his angel's lips.

"Thank god, I can't believe you're okay."

"We were concerned about that," an unwelcome voice spits, "You didn't really think we wouldn't have a back up plan, did you, Castiel?"

The other angel is back. He's angry.

Castiel is afraid, but he manages to find his voice, "Akriel, please-"

"These are my orders, Castiel. Heaven has excused you of many things, but we will not overlook this abomination."

Dean is fuming.

"He is _not_ an abomination!" the hunter snaps.

"Oh, but it is," Akriel counters, words venomous and laced with hatred, "Castiel, I'm sure you are well aware that you cannot retain that parasite solely from your own grace… you need your human."

Castiel's stomach drops at the realisation of what Akriel intends to do.

"No!" he cries out as Dean falls to the ground, coughing, wheezing, sputtering blood, holding his stomach where a serious bullet wound has suddenly appeared from nothing.

It happened so quickly.

Akriel has gone, his work finished, and Castiel falls to his knees beside his rapidly fading hunter.

"Dean," he sobs through his now slightly swollen cheek and busted lip.

"Cas," the hunter chokes, as if realising just now that his angel is there, the colour is draining from his face as though it were being sucked out by a straw, blood staining the once pure snow around him. There's so much blood, so much red.

"Love you… Cas…"

* * *

Dont hate me. I have to keep you guys interested, okay? Plus I stayed up ridiculously late,just so I could get this chapter to you. You can't hate me. I hereby declare it illegal.

I managed but of a longer chapter, hopefully it makes up somewhat for the long wait.

As always, reviews are highly appreciated. I would really like to hear some ideas of baby names from you guys! I think I have one picked out, but I would really like to hear what you guys have, especially those of you who are more familiar with more American names, because you might be able to tell me something I like better. :)

Thank you so much for reading! I will see you all hopefully much sooner than this last update was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Rating:** PG13. I think that one's pretty much set in stone by now. **  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes, some pretty nasty angel!whump because I'm a dick  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **Merry not-Christmas-yet! Here is your update that I tried to get to you early and totally isn't early at all! But hey, at least it was faster than the last update! I know I'm mean, but I'm not _that_ mean enough to make you muddle around in suffocating anxiety wondering what the hell I've done to precious little Dean for a whole week before I go and break all your lovely little hearts. What. Nothing. So, happy couple days to Christmas/day after the day after the so called Mayan apocalypse! Well, I guess just the day after the apocalypse since most of my readers are in the US, and I'm in your tomorrow right now. I'm with the doctor. What. I'm not high…right now… just oddly excited.

Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, and extra brownie points to those few who suggested some names! As I predicted, you guys had way better ideas than I did, so thank you very, very much! :)

Alright, sorry about all my nonsensical rambling. I hope you can ignore me and enjoy the chapter! Thanks for reading :)

* * *

Dean falls to the ground, coughing, wheezing, sputtering blood, holding his stomach where a serious bullet wound has suddenly appeared from nothing.

It happened so quickly.

Akriel has gone, his work finished, and Castiel falls to his knees beside his rapidly fading hunter.

"Dean," he sobs through his now slightly swollen cheek and busted lip.

"Cas," the hunter chokes, as if realising just now that his angel is there, the colour is draining from his face as though it were being sucked out by a straw, blood staining the once pure snow around him. There's so much blood, so much red.

"Love you… Cas…"

The angel can see the light fading from his eyes and doesn't hesitate another second. He knows he doesn't have the strength to spare, but what is it worth if he doesn't have Dean?

The angel places his hand over the wound, healing to the best of his abilities. It's strenuous, painful. He feels sick. The world is spinning, thrashing, won't slow down, won't stop. He can't heal him, not fully, but it's helping. Dean's breathing is becoming more steady, less pained.

Castiel has to stop for a moment. He can't focus. The nausea is catching up to him.

He leans over and vomits a startling amount of blood, but he can't stop just yet. Dean is still in critical condition. The angel starts up again, swallowing down another bout of sickness. He goes until he physically can't continue, and it's still not enough.

It takes Castiel several minutes to get enough of a break from throwing up to think.

The nearest hospital isn't so far.

He knows he shouldn't be flying, but Dean's life is in danger. It's depending on this. Everything is depending on this.

He can take on the extra pain and the sickness, as long as it means Dean will be okay.

The angel touches a hand to Dean's shoulder and spreads his wings.

He is barely able to protect Dean from the landing. He crashes into concrete beneath snow, just outside the ER, shielding both the hunter and his baby and breaking the impact with his shoulder once again.

One of his wings is broken, twisted and contorted and utterly useless, and he fails to hold in a pained cry, his true voice leaking out and putting a small crack in the window of an ambulance parked at the side of the building.

Dean will be okay until the doctors find him. They'll see him, but Castiel knows he can't hang around.

He will have to lie; they will want to examine him; it won't end well.

He can't fly with a broken wing, and he can't hold back the warm blood rising in his throat much longer. He can hide, though, and he can make sure Dean is okay.

Nov. 28

Dean wakes up in a hospital bed. There's a nurse with her back to him writing something on a clipboard, but the room is otherwise empty. The sound of her pencil scratching against the paper is irritating.

The hunter coughs, not because he means to, but it gets the nurse's attention anyway.

"Oh," she says in surprise, "Well you're awake soon."

He shifts and grimaces at the sharp pain in his stomach.

"Don't move too much, sweetie. Gotta be careful with those stitches. You're lucky to be alive."

She walks over to check his vitals.

"What happened?" he asks, still a bit groggy, "How long was I asleep?"

"A couple days. Honestly, I'm surprised you're awake already. They found you bleeding in the snow outside the ER the other night. Whoever left you there had the decency to put a scarf under your head, but they didn't stick around to answer any questions. I can't really blame 'em though. You got yourself a pretty nasty gunshot wound with no bullet, already partially healed, and somehow still bleeding like it's fresh. The doctors are baffled."

Dean furrows his eyebrows as he takes in the new information.

"Cas," he whispers, "Where's Cas?"

The nurse gives him a look, probably confused by the odd name.

"Is Cas your brother? He came by yesterday, but you didn't have any ID on you, so we couldn't confirm the relationship."

"Giant sasquatch-looking kid?"

The nurse nods.

Dean sighs, "Nah, that's Sammy. He _is_ my brother, though. Cas is…"

"Boyfriend?"

The hunter looks at her, flustered and slightly mortified that she could tell so easily. Apparently his horror shows on his face.

The nurse smiles.

"You don't need to answer that one, sweetie. Do you remember anything that happened at all?"

_I was trying to defend my pregnant angel boyfriend from a pissed off messenger of heaven sent to kill our baby_.

"No," he lies.

"Well you just lay back and rest, okay? I'm sure your brother will be around again soon," she says as she adds a clear liquid to his drip feed.

Dean wakes up several hours later, the haze of morphine still clouding his senses. He's slept through the entire day, probably missed Sam if he came by again.

A nurse comes in with dinner and informs him that Sam had been there only a few minutes ago. Great. Just barely missed him.

He's in the middle of being reminded how much he hates hospital food when there's a knock on his door.

"Dean?"

"Sam," the hunter looks up at his brother in the doorway, "Sam, where's Cas?"

"He's here," the younger brother confirms, a hint of sympathy in his voice, "He said he was going to go get some fresh air, so my guess is he's probably in the bathroom puking."

"Goddammit," Dean muses, "There's a bathroom in here too, y'know. He could at least come say hi."

"Dean, he's been really sick-"

"Well keeping a distance definitely isn't gonna help that."

"No. Dean. I mean he's been _really_ sick," Sam reiterates, shifting his gaze to the floor, then back to his brother, "He's afraid of the doctors seeing him… plus I'm pretty sure you don't enjoy waking up to the sound of puking angel."

"Wouldn't be the first time," Dean mutters.

Sam sighs, "Not my point."

Dean realises for the first time just how tired his brother looks… sort of how he would imagine a person to look after staying up all night with a sick angel.

"Have you been with him this whole time?"

Sam looks away sheepishly.

"Well, yeah," the younger brother replies, "What else was I supposed to do? He's my friend too, y'know."

Dean cracks a small smile.

"Nothing, just… thanks, Sam."

"What about you, Dean, I'm mean, _jesus_! That was a close call."

"I'm fine, Sammy. It doesn't even hurt."

Sam gives him a look.

"That's the morphine, Dean."

"So what? Still doesn't hurt."

The door opens and shuts loudly, and suddenly there is an angel standing in the doorway… except he doesn't look like an angel. Right now, he is nothing more than a pale little sick thing wrapped in a blanket.

Dean stares at him for a moment, elated to see him and terrified by his state of appearance.

He looks exhausted, weak, utterly miserable.

"Dammit, Cas…"

The angel is shaking just slightly.

"Dean… I am very pleased to see you are alright."

The hunter watches his eyes, trying to read him.

"Cas, c'mere," the hunter swallows and motions for him to come closer, "Did you zap us over here?"

The angel nods, now standing close beside Dean.

"Were you trying to heal me?"

He nods again.

Dean pulls him down into a tight embrace.

"Cas, you stupid son of a bitch," he half chokes on the growing lump in his throat as he runs a hand through his angel's hair, still holding him tightly and not even caring that Sam has a clear view of his red rimmed eyes and definitely-not-going-to-cry face.

"Dammit, you could have died!" he pulls his angel even closer as he loses his control over a single tear that falls away and lands hot and wet against Castiel's shoulder.

"You _would have_ died," the angel argues.

He's right.

Dean sighs.

"I know, Cas, but… you've gotta stop scaring me like that, man. Dammit! I can't…" he shakes his head, "I can't keep doing this."

The angel stares at him, and Sam makes some excuse to leave that is instantly forgotten by all three of them the moment he exits the room.

"They will not come after us again," Castiel says, "If they had planned to, they would have done so by now."

Dean nods.

"Is, um… is he okay?" the hunter finally asks the question that's been itching in the back of his mind.

"His movements are… becoming weak," Castiel says sorrowfully. Dean can see him move a hand to rest on his belly beneath the blanket wrapped around him.

"He needs you," the angel adds before pulling a chair up next to the bed and resting his head beside the hunter.

Dean cups his face and ghosts his thumb gently over the barely healed split in his lip.

The dried blood stands out against the sickly pallor of his skin. Even his lips are no more than a pale pink.

"I made sure they found you," Castiel mumbles, eyes closed and already drifting, "I… remained hidden, but I did not leave… not until I was sure you were in good hands."

Dean moves his hand up to run through the angel's hair. Castiel seems to relax at the touch.

"Thanks, Cas," he tries to tell him, but his angel is already asleep.

He wakes up hardly fifteen minutes later with a start and very nearly jumps out of his seat. Dean chuckles at the surprised look on his face as he places both hands on the sides of his swollen tummy.

"He has regained much of his strength," the angel says, frowning slightly as he rubs small circles over the spot on his belly where the baby had just kicked.

"Does that hurt?" Dean asks.

Castiel glances at his stomach.

"Occasionally. It's… more startling."

Dean nods in understanding and smiles fondly at his angel as he moves over and motions for Castiel to lay beside him.

"This bed is very uncomfortable," the angel remarks as Dean wraps an arm around him and he rests his head against the hunter's shoulder, "The hospital should put more effort into keeping their patients comfortable."

Dean cracks a small half smile.

"Yeah, I can't say I'd disagree with you on that one."

Nov. 29

Dean doesn't remember falling asleep. He supposes he has the morphine to blame for that.

Sam had gone home, and they somehow convinced the hospital staff to let Castiel stay after visiting hours.

Dean wouldn't let him sleep in the chair, he remembers, so the angel had been curled up beside him on the bed.

It's about three a.m. when the hunter is woken by the sound of Castiel getting sick in the tiny bathroom by the door.

The noise seizes for a moment, and Dean takes the opportunity to call out to him.

"Cas…?"

No response.

The vomiting continues.

He sits up and is surprised by the complete lack of pain in this abdomen, but doesn't think much of it.

He's a little unsteady on his feet, but he doesn't need to walk far.

Castiel is curled up, limp and leaning with his eyes closed and cheek squished against the porcelain.

He looks even sicker than he did earlier, white as snow, breaths quick and shallow, blood staining his lips and smeared in awkward directions across his face.

"Cas," Dean says softly, kneeling down beside the angel and placing a hand on his back.

"D-" is all he gets out before having to heave again, lurching forward violently, muscles clenching and quivering.

"Dean," he moans, almost a sob.

"Right here, Cas… Man, you look like shit."

The angel whimpers and dry heaves.

"Hey, hey. It's okay, buddy."

Castiel shivers and curls up more tightly.

He seems to be done, so he leans against Dean who puts an arm around him and rubs his shoulder comfortingly.

"What's going on, man? How come you're getting so sick?"

Castiel doesn't answer.

"Cas…?"

"Dean, I… I wanted you to get better. I want to go home," the angel says shamefully.

"What? Cas, stop worrying; I'm fine, okay? I wanna know what's up with _you_."

Castiel looks down, observing the tiles.

"I told you, Dean, I… I wanted you to be better."

The hunter looks at him, confused for a moment, and then realises.

He lifts up his shirt and looks at the place where the bullet wound once was. There is nothing left of it but a bit of scar tissue.

"Cas… did you do this?"

The angel looks away again and nods.

"_Dammit_! Cas, why would you do that? I was fine! I would have been fine!"

Castiel swallows, looking shameful.

"I'm sorry, Dean, I… I underestimated the amount of energy I was using. This along with the strain from my wing was… too much."

"What? Cas, what's wrong with your wings?" the hunter questions, concerned.

Castiel presses his lips together and shifts his gaze to the side.

"One is… twisted and broken in several places," he says, "From when I landed here."

He doesn't mention that it was due to carrying Dean's extra weight and is grateful that the hunter doesn't seem to notice that he left out any details.

"Dammit, Cas! You can't keep doing this! You can't keep letting yourself get hurt!" Dean reprimands, "The baby needs you. Dammit, _I_ need you! Cas, you can't do this to yourself over shit that doesn't matter… you can't."

"You were hurt-"

"I was _fine_," the hunter tries to explain, "And now you're not fine!"

Castiel slumps further against him, "I did not intend to cause so much damage," he says slowly, quietly, "I told you, Dean, I miscalculated. I didn't mean…"

The hunter waits a moment for him to continue and then realises he's fallen asleep.

Dean sighs as he scoops up his angel and carries him back to bed.

It's a bit of a struggle; Cas has gotten noticeably heavier, but he gets there, even if his breathing does become a bit laboured.

He lays him down and runs a hand through his hair as he plants a kiss on his gently parted lips. He looks so deceptively peaceful.

"Fucking dumbass," he whispers fondly, pulling away and moving to lay down beside him.

Dec. 1

They've been home for a couple days now. Cas can't button the pants he got less than a week ago, and Dean is finally starting to freak out about this whole being-a-dad thing.

"Hey, Cas?" he starts as he sets a mug of chai in front of the angel and sits down across from him with his own cup of good old manly coffee.

Castiel looks up from his book on parenting and shifts a little.

"Yes, Dean?" he acknowledges before setting the book down and happily stealing a sip of his tea.

"So, uh, well I've been thinking-I mean, I guess I didn't really think about it before, but then I did…recently, but, um… how exactly is he gonna… y'know, get out of there?" the hunter asks, gesturing to the angel's stomach and trying not to think about some of the possible answers.

"You mean, how will I give birth to him?"

"Uh… yeah," Dean says intelligently.

"To be honest, I am not entirely sure. I am… trusting that I will be able to act upon instinct, but all I am aware of is that he will detach from my grace, and I will be required to leave my vessel in order to remove him physically," he takes another sip of his tea, "I am not entirely certain of the process… the best way I can think to explain it to you is that it's somewhat similar to flying, moving between different planes of existence and-"

"Okay, Cas, okay. I'm not going to understand a thing you're saying of you keep going," Dean says with a small smile, "Well that sounds a lot better than my other theory about ass babies."

Castiel looks at him quizzically.

"Dean, what is an ass baby?"

The hunter shakes his head with a quiet laugh, "Nothing."

Castiel seems to be thinking about something. His face gradually falls from questioning to worrisome. He takes a slow sip of his tea.

"Everything okay, Cas?"

He looks up to meet the hunter's eyes.

"Yes. Everything is fine, Dean. I just… am afraid."

Dean watches him with concern.

"Is it gonna hurt?" the hunter asks.

Castiel nods.

"How bad?"

The angel shifts and presses a hand to his belly.

"I… do not know."

Dec. 4

"Dean," Castiel whispers sometime in the dark of the early morning.

The hunter rolls over and wraps an arm around his angel.

"Dean," he says a little louder.

"Mornin', Cas…" the hunter mumbles groggily.

"_Dean_."

"Huh? Wha-Cas, what's up?" he asks, finally blinking his eyes open and sporting a concerned expression.

"I do not feel well," the angel murmurs, holding his stomach.

Dean focuses his eyes better and sees the look of discomfort on his face.

"You gonna puke?"

The angel shakes his head.

"No, but… it hurts."

The worry deepens in Dean's expression.

"What do you mean? What kind of hurt?"

"It is like… I am being stabbed repeatedly," he breathes out, shifting slightly.

Castiel suddenly stiffens as a pitifully pained noise escapes him.

Dean sits up and reaches toward him out of habit, but the angel relaxes slightly just then.

"It… is very painful when he moves," he explains, his breathing still heavy.

"Shit," Dean muses, "Can you tell what it is, what's causing the pain?"

The angel shakes his head and locks up again.

"Dean-" he chokes out.

"Hey, it's okay, buddy. It'll be over soon," he soothes, pulling his angel closer, holding him securely.

The tension releases from his body after a moment, and he lays there shivering in the hunter's arms.

"Dean, I… I think it is starting."

"What?"

Castiel doesn't answer. His shaking is gradually becoming less apparent.

"_Cas_. Cas, what's starting?"

"It's… only the beginning… not for… few more hours," he mumbles, hardly conscious.

Dean is finding this whole abruptly falling asleep thing very inconvenient.

"Cas? What's starting? Are you having a baby?" he tries, speaking softly and slowly.

The words feel strange on his tongue.

Castiel shakes his head meekly, "Not for… few more hours."

* * *

Now the question is, is Cas really about have the baby, or is he just talking nonsense because he's sleepy?

I'll give you a hint: Occam's Razor.

They mentioned that in the last episode, and I was really proud of myself that I understood what that was.

Ugh, I'm looking back in this now and realising I feel like I did a shittastic job on this chapter. I'm sorry if it wasn't good quality. I tried to get it out really quickly as sort of an early Merry Christmas to all you wonderful readers, but I failed miserably at that, and I think all I really did was do poorly with my writing, so I'm sorry.

Reviews are cherished as always, thank you so much for reading!

Merry Christmas to all of you fantastic people! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday! (;


	8. Chapter 8

**Rating:** PG13. I think that one's pretty much set in stone by now. **  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG, slash, possible English mistakes, more angel!whump because I still haven't stopped being a dick  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **Hello everyone! Yes, I still exist! (Oh my god it's 4AM. Do you see how much I love you guys?) I hope everyone enjoyed their holidays! I am sooo sorry for the long update time! Please forgive me! Hopefully this longer chapter will make up some for the wait. I had planned to post this first thing yesterday morning, but then I remembered some things I'd wanted to add in, and I didn't really have the opportunity to just sit down and write it… but here's your chapter now! I hope you all enjoy! I think it's the longest one yet. (:

* * *

"Dean, I… I think it is starting."

"What?"

Castiel doesn't answer. His shaking is gradually becoming less apparent.

"_Cas_. Cas, what's starting?"

"It's… only the beginning… not for… few more hours," he mumbles, hardly conscious.

Dean is finding this whole abruptly falling asleep thing very inconvenient.

"Cas? What's starting? Are you having a baby?" he tries, speaking softly and slowly.

The words feel strange on his tongue.

Castiel shakes his head meekly, "Not for… few more hours."

Dean's stomach drops.

"Cas…?"

No response.

"Cas, are you having the baby in a few hours?"

The angel nods ever so slightly.

The pains seem to have left him, and he snuggles up into the hunter's embrace.

Dean tries to calm down. He tries to go back to sleep, but his efforts are useless. He tries to tell himself it's just Cas sleep talking; the baby isn't supposed to come for another week.

But then he looks at the angel's swollen belly and the way his shirt doesn't quite cover it all.

The small sliver of skin peeking out above his waistline is sort of adorable, but it makes Dean realise that at the rate the baby has been growing, there's no way he's hanging out in there for another week.

Dean is still awake when Cas begins tossing and turning several hours later, shifting uncomfortably in his sleep.

He's still watching him with concern when the angel's eyes crack open and Castiel mumbles something unintelligible.

"Hey, buddy," the hunter whispers, "How're you doing?"

The angel gives another inaudible slur. He still looks exhausted.

"You think you can eat something?" Dean asks softly.

The angel shakes his head weakly, eyes half lidded and expression pained.

"Okay… that's okay, you just-just hang tight, okay? How bad is it?"

"It is… painful," he manages, voice barely above a whisper, "I… can feel he is beginning to… to separate himself… from my grace."

Castiel grimaces and clenches his jaw. His breathing is steadily becoming more and more laboured.

The alarm clock on the nightstand reads nine o'clock.

"Cas, are you-is it really starting now?"

The angel looks at him with red rimmed eyes and nods.

"I believe this is comparable to-"

The use of his vocal chords causes him to cough, bringing up small flecks of blood that show on his hand as he pulls it away.

"Going… into labour," he finishes with a notable amount of effort.

"Shit. Cas, don't talk if it hurts."

The angel nods and closes his eyes.

"Don't leave," he whispers, so quietly his words are almost inaudible.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cas," Dean says as he leans over to cup his face with one hand and kiss him gently on the lips.

Castiel whispers something barely recognisable as a 'thank you' and seems to relax slightly back into the sheets.

The first few times the baby moves, Cas tries to stifle the cries of pain wanting to escape him, but Dean tells him it's okay and he shouldn't hold back.

His condition is deteriorating rapidly, but the worst of it, thankfully, is not constant. It comes and goes in waves where Castiel is all but screaming from the pain. He can't breathe. He shouldn't even need to, but here he is gasping for air, each breath an unanswered cry for help from his screaming lungs.

He's pale, sweating, nauseous. Even his dark hair, normally sticking in all directions, looks tired and sickly. It's wet and droopy, holding on for dear life to his pallid skin.

The pain tones down for a while, and Dean has never seen the angel so clingy. Even with the baby between them, Castiel manages to tangle his limbs with Dean's so much so that the hunter wonders if he even has the strength to detach himself. Cas is sort of reminding him of a leech, actually.

The hunter looks at the clock. This has already been going on for well over an hour.

"Cas, how long is this gonna take?" he asks, gently stroking his angel's wet hair.

"I do not know," Castiel admits, "It could be over very soon, or it could go on for several more hours."

"You mean you can't tell how much of it is done or anything?"

"I can, but… the process progresses at different rates, and they are… unpredictable."

Castiel looks out the window. It's snowing big, fluffy flakes.

"He will get to experience this snow, yes?"

"Yeah, Cas. We can show him the snow."

The angel smiles at that before the pain begins to return to him, and his expression quickly falls to hurt and then agony soon after.

The cycle continues, the pain worsening each time it returns.

Castiel screams. He sobs, and cries out for Dean, who tries to take his mind off the pain with chaste kisses and loving touches. It works only to a small degree.

He discovers that rubbing the angel's belly seems to help numb his suffering as well, but there is nothing he can do to take away the sharp reflection of pain in his eyes.

The clock now reads half past eleven, and this separation thing isn't showing any signs of letting up.

Cas is tired. He looks like he's about to pass out, but the pain is keeping him wide awake.

The angel whimpers softly into Dean's shirt.

"You're almost there, Cas," he encourages, "You're doing great, buddy."

Castiel's breathing suddenly quickens. His brow furrows as he squeezes his eyes shut and weakly calls out to the hunter.

"Hey, hey, hey! C'mon, Cas, you're doing really good."

His breaths are so loud and desperate and scared, it almost sounds like he's having an asthma attack.

"Dean-" he cries, voice broken and pleading.

The hunter opens his mouth to console him, but the angel lets out the most pained, heartbreaking cry Dean has ever heard.

It's quiet for a moment, aside from Castiel's desperate intaking of oxygen.

"Cas…?"

"Dean," he breathes out, worn and exhausted, "Dean… close your eyes."

The hunter does so.

"You should… cover you ears as well," the angel adds, "Just… just in case."

"Cas, are you going to be okay?" he asks, peeking his eyes back open for a moment, for one last look at his angel.

"I do not know," Castiel admits, voice heavy with guilt, "However, in the event that I am not 'okay', Dean, I would… like you to know that I do not regret our decision to keep the child. I would not have it any other way, and… I love you, more than heaven and the earth itself."

Before Dean can respond, he adds hastily, "Now do as I've told you. I cannot hold back much longer."

Despite the hunter's desire to reiterate to Cas his reciprocating feelings, he obeys reluctantly, wishing he could continue to hold his angel and help him through the pain.

Dean can see the light through his eyelids. It's fine at first, but it gets brighter and brighter until it's too much to take even through closed eyes. The light is literally brighter than the sun.

The hunter curls up to shield himself from the offending photons. It is so strong he can feel pressure from its energy.

He's waiting for something, some kind of explosion, whatever this is all building up to. He's expecting a blast wave of some sort, but the light just flickers and goes off, like blowing out a candle.

It's silent… not quiet, just silent.

Dean is afraid to look. Will Cas be there when he opens his eyes?

Something isn't right. It's too damn quiet.

He takes a deep breath and peeks up.

Cas is sitting upright. His stomach is perfectly flat, not a trace that he was ever carrying a baby, and he is cradling something tiny and naked tightly against his chest.

Dean would have been elated by this image, except Castiel looks panicked and devastated.

"Dean," he chokes, voice cracking, "Dean, he-he's not breathing."

The weight of those words fills the entire room. It's suffocating.

Castiel is flicking his eyes from Dean to the baby, back and forth, as if trying to decide between them.

He makes up his mind and holds the baby in one arm, pressing two fingers to his tiny chest and using up whatever power his grace has left to give.

"Cas! Cas, what are you-"

A blue glow within the baby's chest illuminates a shadow of his tiny ribcage, then it starts with a small twitch in his hand, and suddenly the tension in the room is dissolved by the sound of a newborn baby's cries.

Castiel looks about to pass out and doesn't waste any time handing him off to Dean, who is still recovering from the shock of everything that had just happened in the last minute.

The moment the hunter takes hold of their son, Castiel falls over in a heap of exhaustion.

It takes Dean a second to notice the blood dripping down from his mouth, but he hastily sits him up with one hand so he doesn't choke.

The hunter doesn't have time to get him the trash bin, keeping his angel steady with one hand and holding a tiny screaming baby in the other, but Cas somehow manages to catch most of it on his shirt.

"Holy shit," Dean breathes out, both relieved and flustered, "You gonna be okay, buddy?"

The angel nods weakly.

"I am dirty," he says disapprovingly.

Dean manages to help him clean up with one hand and grabs him a non-bloodstained shirt.

The baby is still crying. He calms down just slightly when Dean sits down and gives him back to Cas, but not by much.

"He's hungry," the angel tells him, so Dean spends the next fifteen minutes trying to figure out how baby formula works, struggling to open a ridiculously taped up box of diapers, and finally grabbing a pair of tiny pastel blue footie pyjamas with a print of little green dinosaurs on his way back to their room.

He hadn't really gotten a good look at him until now as he's resting in Castiel's arms, sleepily sucking at his bottle.

He's so small and delicate, not even able to hold up his own head. His eyes are still too dark to tell the colour, but they look bluish… or maybe green…

He has a lot of hair. Dean is pretty sure new babies are supposed to be almost bald, but not this little guy. He's got a full head of chocolate coloured fuzz sticking in every which direction, very much resembling Castiel's.

His tiny hands are grasping curiously at the air, taking big handfuls of nothing.

Dean lets him grab on to his finger. The baby's own tiny digits can't even wrap the whole way around it.

The hunter chuckles at his son's curiosity and lack of understanding. He can't believe how perfect he is. His little button nose and squishy cheeks are the most adorable thing. Dean doesn't even realise how big he's smiling.

"Cas, what's his name gonna be?" he asks, finally realising they actually need to figure this out now.

"I have not chosen a name for him. I… thought it was customary that we name him together," the angel says, looking slightly disappointed.

"Yeah, we'll name him together, Cas," the hunter assures, "But we need some ideas first… and you get first pick, man; you're the one who did all the work."

Castiel considers for only a moment, observing his son's uncoordinated movements.

"I… do have a certain fondness for the name Matthias," he says almost cautiously, "I believe it is quite fitting given the circumstances… It means 'gift from god.'"

Dean smiles, watching the baby's sleepy eyes drifting open and closed. He can't explain it, but for some reason the name seems absolutely perfect.

"I like that," he says fondly, "Baby Matthias."

"That will be his name then?"

The hunter nods.

"Yeah, it… I dunno, it just feels right."

"Is it not also customary to give the child a second personal name?"

Within minutes of naming the baby, Castiel is passed out with one hand holding onto little Matthias, who is peacefully sleeping on his full belly against the angel's chest, making cute, quiet noises each time he breathes.

Dean snaps a picture on his phone, intending to keep it to himself and then realising he should probably let Sam and Bobby know the news.

He sends them the same picture with the text, 'Matthias Alexander Winchester' before tossing his phone to the side where it can be easily ignored.

He scoops up his sleeping angel and baby into his arms and smiles so big, because of course only his perfect family would be this fucked up, but even so, he couldn't possibly ask for anything better.

Matthias doesn't sleep long, but he's quiet when he wakes up, just opens his eyes and stares at Dean.

His daddy is watching him right back.

The hunter pokes his cheek playfully and laughs when the baby continues to stare at him almost stoically, completely indifferent to having his face squished. He wonders if he's just imagining it, but it reminds him so much of Castiel.

Dean makes a mental note to test out Cas' reaction to cheek squishing sometime.

Sam is over now, and it's finally become apparent that it has been a long fucking day. Dean had discovered earlier that Castiel is still so exhausted he can't keep himself standing upright for more than a few seconds before his legs give out from under him. He'd managed to help him downstairs when Sam got there, but that was all in vain, since apparently Cas still hasn't stopped falling asleep abruptly and without warning, and is now curled up on the couch beneath his blanket, very much unconscious.

Sam is holding Matthias, who is watching him curiously and making soft, content little noises.

"I still can't believe how small he is," Sam muses, somewhat awestruck, "I mean, I know they're little, but I guess I've never actually seen a newborn baby… or held one at least, but they don't look this tiny in pictures."

"Right," Dean scoffs, "And I'm sure that has nothing to with the fact that most people aren't the size of a fucking moose."

Sam rolls his eyes.

"Wait-pictures? Dude, were you fucking researching babies?"

The younger brother shrugs, "Well no one else was going to do it, and no offense, but the thought of you and Cas trying to take care of a baby on your own is kind of hilarious."

Dean glares.

"Oh _ha_ ha. Yeah, very funny, Sam."

"I'm just saying, you guys could use some help."

"He's right, Dean," Castiel says, suddenly sitting upright and alert.

"Well welcome back, sleeping beauty," Dean teases.

The angel cocks his head and looks at him, perplexed.

"But, Dean, I did not leave," he says, confused.

The hunter sighs heavily, and decides to just go with it, "That's right, Cas. Very good."

After Sam had left, they'd decided to move the baby's crib to their room, because even with a baby monitor, across the hall is just too far too soon.

Matthias has been asleep for several minutes now, but Castiel doesn't want to lay him in his crib.

He's tired again, his eyes steadily becoming less and less cooperative to stay open, but he still refuses to let go of him.

"Cas, you can lay him down, y'know," Dean tries to convince him.

He turns to look at the hunter. Maybe it's the glow from the lamp on the nightstand, the angle it's lighting his features, but he looks sad and regretful, maybe even a bit guilty.

"He's gonna be right there, Cas. You'll still be able to see him, and he'll wake us up if he needs something, trust me."

"Dean," Castiel says cautiously, glancing down at Matthias and then back to the hunter, brow furrowed and lips quivering, "Dean, he almost… this morning, when he… I almost didn't have enough…"

Castiel seems to be searching for the correct words, but they don't come to him.

"Didn't have enough what? Cas, what are you talking about?"

"I almost could not give him life, Dean!" he chokes, voice hushed but still stern, "You were right. I exerted too much of myself and did not reserve enough power for our child."

Castiel tightens his hold on Matthias. It's subtle, but Dean notices the movement.

"I was selfish, and it nearly cost us his life! I… I thought I would have the opportunity to replenish my strength, but I-my foolishness triggered the separation process, and I… Dean, I almost killed him," he whispers, letting out a shaky breath and finally allowing himself to cry.

Dean wonders for a brief moment if he should be mad at him, but he decides it doesn't matter, because all he can feel is upset that his angel is so broken about this.

"You didn't almost kill him, Cas. It wasn't your fault, and it doesn't matter anyway, because he's alright now. He's fine," Dean reminds, wiping the tear tracks from his angel's cheeks.

"I am still upset with myself," Castiel mumbles, quickly replacing the wetness Dean had just fixed, "I feel… great remorse."

"Well stop, okay? It wasn't your fault. Matthias is just fine, and everything is okay, so stop it."

Castiel turns to say something, tear streaks glistening on his face in the lamplight, but is interrupted by the baby's quiet fussing that quickly becomes upset wailing as he is woken up.

The angel shushes him quietly, resting the baby's head on his shoulder and holding his tiny body against his chest. He rubs small circles on his back as he whispers something to him in Enochian, and Matthias is soundly asleep again in less than a minute.

"Y'know, I could be wrong," Dean starts, a hint of a lighthearted smirk in his voice, "But I'm pretty sure he's not holding any grudges."

It earns him a faint smile from Castiel and a small laugh.

"I believe he is incapable of such things, considering he is still learning how to form memories."

Dean contemplates that for a moment, giving Cas a strange look sort of confused, a bit skeptical.

"Well he obviously remembers you… and don't even try to tell me he doesn't trust you with everything he's got, cause that was ridiculous. Babies don't wake up angry and just go back to sleep like that."

Castiel looks a bit sheepish, glancing at Matthias as if he isn't sure he had actually gotten him to go back to sleep.

"What did you even say to him?" Dean asks, "Can he understand that?"

The angel nods.

"I… told him that he is safe and needs to rest."

"Huh," Dean nods in understanding, "That's funny. I could say the same thing to you."

Castiel glances at the crib sitting two steps away, then back to Matthias.

"He's not gonna go anywhere, Cas," Dean assures as he moves to the angel's side of the bed to sit next to him.

"Yes, I am aware of that."

"Good. Now c'mon, buddy. You need to get some sleep," the hunter tries again, patting him on the back.

Castiel finally gives in and stands up, taking one smooth stride to the crib. He stays there for a moment and runs a hand over the protective sigils carved in the wood before releasing Matthias reluctantly from his arms.

"You did well with the sigils," the angel compliments, "He will be safe here."

Dean smirks.

"Well y'know… just taking precautions," he says, a little too proud of himself.

He takes the fuzzy blanket hanging over the side of the crib and drapes it over his sleeping son before brushing his hair back a bit and planting a light kiss on his forehead.

"Sweet dreams, little guy," he whispers.

Cas is looking a little awkward, standing there all stiff like.

"You gonna kiss him goodnight?" Dean asks.

The angel looks at him, seemingly surprised that he asked, then without a word, leans down and presses his lips to his baby's forehead, just as Dean had done.

"Sleep well, Matthias."

Dean wakes up sometime in the middle of the night. He feels around for his angel, but Castiel's half of the bed is cold and empty.

"Cas?" he calls quietly, sitting up and taking a moment to let his eyes adjust.

Castiel is standing by the crib, cradling Matthias in his arms.

"Cas, what's going on? Did he wake you up? Was he hungry again?"

"No. He is sleeping."

Dean watches him for a moment. He sounds a bit shaken.

"Is everything okay?"

Castiel nods.

"He is fine."

Dean gets up and goes to his angel's side.

"What about you?" he asks.

Cas is quiet for a moment.

"I had… an unpleasant dream," he mumbles, leaning against Dean.

His skin is hot.

The hunter touches the back of his hand to his angel's cheek.

"You feeling okay, Cas?"

The angel shakes his head.

"When I awoke, I thought I might be ill," he says, "But I was not."

Except he sort of does look like he's still going to puke.

"Dammit," Dean sighs, "You still think you might get sick?"

The angel nods a bit hesitantly.

"Okay," the hunter sighs tiredly, guiding Castiel to sit on the bed and taking Matthias to lay back down in his crib, "Alright. How about you just lay down and try to get some sleep… and if you really start feeling like you're about to spew, then we can deal with it then."

It isn't five minutes before Cas is curled over the toilet, expelling a good deal more from his stomach than he's eaten in the last few days. There's no blood this time, thank god, but Dean is starting to get worried.

And of course, it's just his luck that Matthias would choose then to wake up in need of a fresh diaper and a bottle.

_Thanks. Great timing, dude_.

* * *

Tack så mycket for reading! (That's actually Swedish. My friend is teaching me. Yay!) I tried to leave this on a little less suspenseful note, since it's probably going to be a while again before I get the next chapter up. I'm really sorry about all this waiting I'm making you guys do! I have a lot of things to get done and not much time to do them in. :( I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter! Reviews are loved and appreciated! Thanks so much for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**Rating:** PG13.**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG baby, slash, possible English mistakes, a bit more angel!whump once again because I don't want to get my title as O Great Asshole revoked.  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **I know I warned you guys about the wait, but I still feel badly. I'm really sorry. It's just that I really need to keep focus on my studies right now (stupid school). :( Oh, but I have some exciting news (it's actually not exciting at all)! I made a tumblr! Now I can follow all my lovely readers, and you guys can send me prompts! Its the same username I have here, torsdagengel. Also, I turned twenty last Thursday. Ugh, I'm getting too old for writing fanfictions. D'x Nooooo I don't wanna grow up! Can I just be Peter Pan please? Ahhh. Thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I'm really not joking when I say you guys are my main source of motivation. I also forgot to mention in my last author note (and I totally feel like and ass about that), someone without an account left a really lovely review, and I couldn't respond to it, but it made me so happy, like I really almost died! I think the name they went by was Destiel Lurker, and I just wanted to say thanks, because you really made my day. I actually almost cried, which is really embarrassing (hey, I'd been having a bad day. Don't judge), but thank you so much! I literally could just gush at you for hours!

Anyway, I'm really sorry this took so long to get to you! I hope you can enjoy!

* * *

Cas is curled over the toilet, expelling a good deal more from his stomach than he's eaten in the last few days. There's no blood this time, thank god, but Dean is starting to get worried.

And of course, it's just his luck that Matthias would choose then to wake up in need of a fresh diaper and a bottle.

_Thanks. Great timing, dude_.

Dean rubs small circles on his angel's back as he tells him he's going to go take care of the baby and will be back soon. Castiel gives him a weak nod in acknowledgement and promptly digresses to his former task of being miserable.

"Alright, c'mere little guy," Dean sighs, pulling a wailing Matthias out of his crib and cradling him against his chest, "We're gonna get you all fixed up so you can go back to sleep and I can go take care of your papa."

Matthias calms down just slightly at the contact and the sound of his father's voice.

Dean curses to himself as he's changing him, wishing he had closed the door to the bathroom to at least muffle the sound of his angel being sick, and then he feels like a total ass for just thinking that.

He takes Matthias downstairs to make him a bottle, which he finds is significantly more difficult to do with only one arm, but it doesn't matter so much, because the bottle is basically a miracle baby silencer.

Dean sits with him on the couch while he eats, watching as his eyes fall from alert and observing to heavy and sleepy.

"Geez, you were hungry, huh, little guy," he comments at how quickly the baby had drained his bottle.

Matthias responds with a content sigh and closing eyelids.

Dean waits a couple minutes to make sure he's actually asleep before carrying him back upstairs and laying him carefully back down in his crib, tucking him up snugly in the same fuzzy blanket he had used earlier.

"Night, little buddy," he whispers before heading back towards the bathroom door.

He really doesn't want to push it the rest of the way open, much less go inside.

He's beyond worried now. Cas isn't pregnant anymore; he shouldn't still be getting sick. There shouldn't even be anything left in him to be getting sick of.

"Cas?" he calls softly as he steps inside and puts the door behind him, cringing slightly at the violent retching noises coming from his angel.

"Dean," he manages when he gets enough of a break to speak, lowering his head in shame and avoiding eye contact, "I apologise for this… It is repulsive."

"Cas, it's fine," Dean assures as he kneels down beside him, "It's not your fault."

The angel leans forward and weakly expels a small amount of bile, then slumps down against Dean, exhausted and shaking rather violently.

The hunter puts an arm around him and whispers gently to him, "S'okay, buddy. Don't worry."

Ironically enough, it turns out that angels are a hell of a lot more difficult to put to sleep than babies.

Dean doesn't have the slightest clue as to where it's all coming from, but Cas manages to puke up large amounts of yellow liquid for at least another hour before it finally turns to empty dry heaving and eventually passing out on the bathroom floor, leaning back against Dean who is running soothing hands through his disheveled hair.

He carries Cas to bed, flopping down tiredly beside him and wanting nothing more than to close his eyes and sleep for several days.

He can hear Matthias making tiny noises in his sleep as he breathes, and he can't help but smile.

Cas has rolled onto his stomach, and Dean pulls him over so he is laying against his chest.

The rhythm of his breathing is a comfort, and the hunter wastes no time falling asleep.

Dec. 5

Cas wakes up panicked and nearly sobbing around six in the morning. Dean is immediately awake and alert.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

The angel doesn't answer him, just shakes his head violently and tries to get up.

Dean grabs him by the shoulder.

"Cas, what is it?" he asks, looking his angel in the eyes when he turns back to look at him, close to tears and breath hitching.

"_Cas_."

The emotion in the angel's expression looks dangerously volatile and is quickly rising in level of panic.

There is a growing tension in the room, as Castiel's breathing quickens. He keeps shifting his gaze over to the crib.

It's starting to worry Dean that he still isn't saying anything. He looks so scared and frantic.

"C'mon, Cas, you've got to tell me what's going on," the hunter pleads.

The angel swallows visibly as he tries to catch his breath.

"Dean…"

Suddenly Matthias is awake and extremely upset.

It scares Dean at first, but then he sees that it's snapped Cas out of whatever kind of anxiety attack he was just having, and he is tremendously relieved.

The angel takes a few last, quiet breaths to stable himself, glancing around the room as he does so and looking slightly surprised that everything is alright, before he stands hastily and moves to Matthias. He just watches him for a moment, then picks him up from his crib, handling him like he is made of glass.

Dean notices both his angel and his baby relax at the contact of one another, and he feels relieved himself.

Castiel sits back down beside Dean, cradling Matthias close to his body, the baby's cheek squished as he rests against his papa's shoulder.

The angel is quiet for a moment.

"Two of my sisters came to me… to express their congratulations," he recalls slowly, quietly, "It was… very kind of them. There are very few of my siblings who approve of Matthias."

He pauses for a long time, looking at their son, oh so gently repositioning him to lay in his arms where he can watch his baby's curious eyes observing the darkened world around him. The angel is staring at him longingly as if he wants to touch him, run a hand through his fuzzy hair, poke his little nose, plant a kiss on his soft, rosy cheeks, but doesn't know how to do so without breaking him.

Dean is about to end the silence, tell Cas it's okay to touch their baby, _his_ baby, comment that what he'd told him so far doesn't sound so bad… but Castiel looks like he has more to say, so he waits patiently for him to continue.

"They… they also came to warn me," he says, a subtle underlying tone of horror seeping into his voice, "They came to warn _us_… that there are several of my brothers conspiring against us… and that they want something to do with Matthias."

His voice breaks on that last note, his eyes quickly gathering liquid and overflowing.

Dean feels his stomach drop, his heart skip a beat.

Matthias begins to whimper like he's about to cry, and Castiel holds him tighter, stroking a thumb gently, a bit hesitantly, against his cheek.

"Cas, nothing is going to happen to him, okay? We're not gonna let it," Dean assures, "Besides, now they're gonna have to do a lot more than just pull him out of you if they want to get rid of him."

Castiel moves his arm to a more protective position around Matthias, looking afraid and mildly offended.

"But, Dean," he gives the hunter a pleading look, "He is still so delicate… it would not take much-"

"_Cas!_ Nothing is going to happen to him!" Dean says sternly, raising his voice a bit more than he probably should have, "You got that? He's a Winchester, and we ain't easy to kill… It doesn't matter anyway, cause I'm not gonna let anything happen to him. Do you understand that? _Nothing_."

The angel nods cautiously.

"Good."

Dean pulls him in closer so he can plant a kiss on his temple.

"I'm not gonna let anything happen to either one of you," he adds, a dash of fear buried beneath the layers of other emotion gradually softening his voice, "I finally have a real family, Cas. It's… I don't even know - it's a miracle. I have you two and Sam and Bobby, and you're all okay… I ain't gonna let anything take that away from me, alright?"

Castiel watches him stoically for a moment, his gaze lingering on the hunter's eyes.

"Yes. I understand, Dean," he says, as he turns to kiss him on the lips. It's a simple gesture, chaste, insignificant by its appearance, but it means so much more, because it's usually Dean who initiates any form of affection.

Not that it's any less wanted by him, but Castiel always seems to be nervous about making the first move, so he typically just doesn't.

"You should go back to sleep, Cas. You need the rest."

Castiel agrees without protest, slipping under the covers without so much as a word, still holding Matthias firmly in his arms.

"Cas, he can't sleep with us; he's still too little," Dean tells him with an apologetic expression.

The angel looks sad and conflicted, and Dean's hear sinks a little.

"Here," he says as he gets up and pushes the crib so it sits directly up against their bed.

"How's that, Cas? You can still see him, and he'll be right next to you."

The angel scopes out the new modification, observing it carefully, and after a moment, seems to approve.

"It seems a well suited alternative," he admires before looking down and giving Matthias one more longing look, then handing him off a bit reluctantly to Dean who is standing and has better access to the crib.

He doesn't lay him down though. Instead he reoccupies the space next to his angel, holding Matthias where they can both see him as he struggles to hold his heavy eyes open.

"It's okay, you know. He's your kid, Cas," Dean reminds.

The angel looks at him, confused.

"You have a right to poke at him."

The hunter moves closer and wraps an arm around him, pulling his angel in to lean against him, "And he can't even be annoyed with you."

He runs his hand through Matthias' hair as an example, making it all stand up, the same way he does with Castiel.

"See?"

The angel is watching closely, but still not partaking.

"Jesus, Cas, it's _okay_ to touch him. He's not a fucking bomb."

Castiel frowns.

"Dean, I am well aware that our child is not an explosive device."

The hunter rolls his eyes.

"That's not what I mean, Cas. You're acting like you're afraid of him or something. Just stop, okay? I don't know what's going through your head, but the world's not gonna explode if you show your kid some affection. He's not gonna break; you're not gonna hurt him; there's nothing wrong with it, okay?"

Castiel stares at him for a moment, then leans in a little closer, watching the awkward, uncontrolled movements as Matthias' tiny hand opens and closes without coordination on top of his little chest.

The angel reaches out and sifts his fingers gently through the baby's hair and rubbing the side of his face when, after a few minutes, he begins to fuss a bit out of tiredness.

"See? That ain't so bad," Dean encourages.

Castiel nods in agreement.

"He seems to be fond of having his face touched," he notes.

They continue like that until Matthias is asleep again.

Then Dean lays him down and returns to his half of the bed, wrapping his body around Castiel to satisfy his role as the big spoon while Cas watches over the baby.

Everything is alright for a while, and it doesn't take long before sleep takes over.

The morning is long and stressful. Cas is really sick. He's locked the door to the bathroom. Dean assumes it's so he will stay focused on Matthias, but it's actually having quite the opposite effect.

He picks the lock on the door when Matthias is asleep again.

Cas is on the floor, eyes closed and looking sickly pale. He sits up abruptly when Dean opens the door, trying to look like he's doing better than he is.

"Hey, it's just me," the hunter assures, moving closer, "You okay, buddy? What's going on?"

Castiel is nervous. Something is worrying him, and he's getting shifty.

"Dean, I… I think my vessel is… shutting down," he croaks, stumbling over his words, "For lack of a better term."

Dean furrows his eyebrows.

"What? Cas, what the hell is that supposed to mean?"

The angel looks like he's about to puke again for a moment, but it passes.

"I… when I was carrying Matthias, my vessel, as you know, was in constant need of repair, but I… I was only able to make temporary amendments at the time… they are coming undone now, and I am still lacking the strength to make proper reparations."

Dean notices then that his breathing is off.

It's too laboured, too shallow, too necessary.

"Cas…?"

"Dean, I can't continue to repair the damage," he breathes, a bit frantic, "My grace is not mending itself… I am becoming weaker. I cannot sustain this cycle."

"Shit… Okay. What do you need, Cas? Why isn't your grace healing itself?"

Castiel glances at the porcelain he's practically cuddling with, obviously feeling nauseous but trying to keep the feeling at bay.

"It is too busy trying to mend everything but itself… but it is essentially causing more harm than good in the process."

"Okay, well how do we fix it?" Dean asks impatiently, a slight edge to his tone.

Castiel finally leans over the bowl and vomits dark blood, his entire body shaking as he expels the thick liquid.

Dean moves closer to rub his back.

"God dammit, Cas…" he sighs worriedly.

"I just need… my grace needs time to regain strength… need to change its focus…"

The angel's eyes are closing, his head tilting to the side.

"Hey, hey, hey! Stay with me, buddy," Dean pushes, nudging him gently, "You gotta stay with me."

Castiel mumbles something unintelligible.

"Cas."

The angel is still.

"_Cas_."

He shifts a bit and coughs painfully, sputtering blood on his hand.

Dean sits him up and steadies him with a hand on his back, leaning him forward slightly to ease the pain.

"God dammit… Cas…"

He coughs again, lightly this time, then tries to force air into his lungs with little success.

It's hurting him just to breathe. Dean wonders if he's even absorbing any oxygen.

It wouldn't seem so, judging by the desperation and labour of his breathing and the way he's relying entirely on Dean to keep him upright.

"Cas, c'mon man. There's gotta be something we can do. …What about that soul touching thingy? You can get energy from that, right?"

The angel shakes his head.

"Dean," he wheezes, "That is very dangerous… I will… not take such a risk."

"Well correct me if I'm wrong, Cas, but it looks a hell of a lot to me like you're _dying_ on the floor in here, so danger really isn't so much of a concern of mine," Dean spits.

"Dean. I said _no_," Castiel repeats firmly.

The hunter is very quiet for a minute.

"Cas, how's your body?"

The angel gives him a strange look and deflates tiredly.

"All of the organs are shutting down. It is basically falling apart from the inside-"

"No, Cas. I mean would a doctor have any reason to think you're not human?"

"Not at the moment. Why does that have anything to-"

Dean stands, pulling his angel up with him.

"Dean-"

"I'm taking you to the hospital," the hunter says, leaving no room for argument.

Cas can walk on his own, unsteadily, but without assistance. He gets himself in the car while Dean brings Matthias out, bundled up and hidden away under a blanket through the snowy transition between the house and the impala. Dean straps him into his carseat for the first time.

He's never left the house until now, and he makes it quite clear that he isn't enjoying the car ride, or maybe he's just mad about being woken up. Either way, he isn't happy.

And if that's not just the icing on the cake, the emergency room is packed when they get there.

Dean tries to tell them that Cas is really sick and needs help now, but the nurse ignores him and points them to the waiting room.

He tries to argue further, but Cas nudges him in the other direction and silently tells him with his eyes that it's not worth it.

They get to be trapped in the crowded, noisy space, standing in the corner, enduring the stares and dirty looks from all the narrow minded assholes clogging the atmosphere with their hatred.

The seats are all taken, and nobody seems willing to give up their chair for Cas, even though he's obviously very tired and sick. Dean finds it infuriating, but he keeps his mouth shut.

Castiel is leaning against him, pretty much about to fall over, but the hunter is keeping him upright with one arm and holding Matthias in the other.

The little guy doesn't like all the noise, so Dean has the blanket over him again. It helps to some degree, but he can still sense his baby's uneasiness.

He wonders briefly if all parents can detect their kid's emotions like that or if it's just because Matthias is special.

He checks his watch, then looks back at his son.

"Hey, little guy. You're a whole day old now," he coos softly, lifting up the blanket just enough to see his face.

Castiel smiles weakly and reaches out to touch their baby's soft face.

He is leaning heavily on Dean in doing so, and when he tries to stand back up on his own, vertigo sends him falling forward, barely saved from the floor by Dean catching his arm.

"Whoa there, buddy. Careful… take it easy."

But Castiel can't take it easy, because now he's working too hard on trying not to puke in the middle of the waiting room.

Dean quickly realises this.

"Shit. Hey - hey, it's okay, Cas," he tries to comfort, but it's not okay, because apparently people don't respond well at all to guys vomiting blood ten feet away while they're relaxing in their nice plastic hospital chairs.

Matthias isn't too happy about it either, and now with a screaming baby, they've got most of the waiting room watching them, and not a single person getting up to help.

Dean notices they've caught the attention of a young nurse.

"You just gonna stand there, or are you gonna help us out?" Dean asks, seething with irritation.

She scurries off to go get someone, and the hunter returns his attention to Castiel.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, buddy. Don't worry."

* * *

Ahhh I'm sorry. I know that was a dumb place to stop. Please forgive me.

I'm hoping I can get the next chapter finished more quickly than this, because that was just ridiculous. I can't promise anything, though, so huge apologies in advance if I end up making you guys wait forever again.

I'd really appreciate your feedback! Also, if you want to give me your tumblr so I can add you, that would be very much appreciated as well (and then you can send me some prompts). (;

I hope you enjoyed the chapter; in very sorry if you didn't. Thanks do much for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Rating:** PG13.**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG baby, slash, possible English mistakes, still more angel!whump but a bit more on the comfort Half of the hurt/comfort scale  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **So I got quite a bit less feedback than I usually do and lost a few followers over the last chapter (which I've never noticed happen before), so I apologise to anyone who was not satisfied. Thank you very much to those of you who did review! It means so much to me to hear what you guys think, I can't even tell you. I'm pretty nervous about posting this chapter. I'm not sure if I did any good on it, but I hope everyone finds it more enjoyable than the last one (despite my very limited knowledge of anything to do with medical issues. AHH. I really hope I didn't write anything too ridiculous)! I was able to finish this chapter a bit faster than last time, thank god, despite how stressful this last week was for me and my very busy schedule as of late, so that's a plus. Thanks so much for reading! I'm sorry it's pretty short, but I really hope this chapter is enjoyable!

* * *

"Whoa there, buddy. Careful… take it easy."

But Castiel can't take it easy, because now he's working too hard on trying not to puke in the middle of the waiting room.

Dean quickly realises this.

"Shit. Hey - hey, it's okay, Cas," he tries to comfort, but it's not okay, because apparently people don't respond well at all to guys vomiting blood ten feet away while they're relaxing in their nice plastic hospital chairs.

Matthias isn't too happy about it either, and now with a screaming baby, they've got most of the waiting room watching them and not a single person getting up to help.

Dean notices they've caught the attention of a young nurse.

"You just gonna stand there, or are you gonna help us out?" Dean asks, seething with irritation.

She scurries off to go get someone, and the hunter returns his attention to Castiel.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay, buddy. Don't worry."

The angel coughs lightly, and the pained look on his face deepens.

He slouches against the hunter's body, shaking with exhaustion, and closes his eyes.

"Cas. Hey, you've gotta stay awake with me, buddy."

Castiel goes rigid for a second, and then limp. His breaths are sporadic and shallow.

"C'mon, buddy. Don't you pass out on me," Dean nearly whispers, shaking him gently.

The angel is unresponsive

"Cas, c'mon, man!"

His voice comes out more broken than he had been hoping for. Castiel is silent and still.

Dean is about to shake him again, but is carelessly brushed aside by one of several medics who are now crowding around Castiel and lifting him onto a gurney.

The last thing Dean notices is the stream of crimson steadily creeping down from Cas' mouth and the sudden feeling of immense fear and panic radiating from Matthias as he is taken away.

Matthias is crying harder now without Castiel close by, and the curious onlookers quickly lose their interest.

Dean is about to follow them, but the young nurse from earlier stops him.

"Please, sir, wait here. You'll only be in the way," she tries, nervously holding out a clipboard in his direction, "If you want to help, the best thing you can do for him at the moment is to fill out his medical history for us."

Dean is about to make some sarcastic remark along the lines of 'great, I'll just fill all that out with my extra set of arms', but the nervous look about her makes him decide otherwise.

He sighs defeatedly, taking the clipboard and pen from her with his free hand and going to sit on the floor against the wall where he had been with Cas just minutes before.

He begins filling out the basics: 5'11", 165lbs, but it's difficult to focus with Matthias so upset.

Dean notices an older looking man glaring very indiscreetly in their direction.

Dean returns the look and resumes filling out the paperwork.

_Birthday, it wants a birthday… shit, what was Jimmy's birthday?_

Matthias seems to be getting more and more upset. Dean tries to calm him down, rocking him slightly, quietly talking to him, but nothing is helping.

The man is still glaring at them, and it's really starting to piss Dean off.

The last straw is when he turns to them several minutes later and asks if Dean can tone it down a notch.

"Yeah, sure thing. Let me just find the volume control," he spits, feeling somewhat satisfied by the man's growing annoyance, "I know, it's just so irritating that he's _fucking terrified_."

The man is slightly taken aback and grumbles something in his own defence, crossing his arms as he turns back in his chair.

Dean continues trying to calm Matthias.

He tries everything. Rocking him isn't helping, and the waiting room is too noisy for his voice to be of any comfort. He tries holding him in different positions, seeing if he's hungry or too hot or too cold, rubbing his back…

Holding him to his chest where he can feel the vibrations as Dean softly hums 'Hey Jude' does some good, reducing the noise by a good measure, but the screaming resumes the moment he stops.

They've been waiting around for a couple hours now, and Dean has no idea how Matthias hasn't worn himself out yet and gone to sleep. He can't even get him to eat, and it's starting to become very worrisome.

He tries to convince the nurse to let them see Cas and, just to make his day that much better, finds out that he's been taken to the OR for emergency surgery due to severe internal bleeding and won't be out for another two hours at the very least.

Dean feels like his world is caving in on him, a crushing kind of fear and stress that condenses the atmosphere and makes it hard to breathe.

He calls Sam from a pay phone at some point, thankful that there's no one else in the hallway who could be bothered by Matthias' incessant crying.

He knows it's pretty much hopeless, but he still hasn't given up on trying to comfort the little guy and continues to sway back and forth while he listens to the dialling tone.

He fills Sam in on everything that's going on, maybe even cries a bit, and that's all it takes to get his brother there in record time.

It's about an hour after Sam arrives that a nurse comes out to the waiting room with the news that Castiel is in recovery, drowsy and very delicate, but awake and available to be visited. Dean can physically feel the relief it brings him and is making his way down the hall the moment he has the floor and room number.

Matthias continues to cry the whole way there, and Dean hums to him again in hopes that he will quiet down and not disturb anyone in the rooms they're passing by.

He calms down significantly the moment they reach the door, and even more once they step inside the room.

Castiel has his eyes mostly closed. He still looks like shit, but it's a hundred times better than when Dean last saw him, so there's no complaining.

"Cas?" he calls softly.

The nurse had said he was tired; he could easily have fallen asleep in the time it took to get there.

The angel opens his eyes a bit more and gives a small but genuine smile to the hunter standing in the doorway.

"Hello, Dean. Hello, Sam."

"Hey," he returns with a grin as Sam nods in acknowledgement, "How're you feeling, buddy?"

Castiel shifts slightly.

"Much better," he says with a light cough but no pain to his expression, "However, I still find these beds heinously uncomfortable."

Dean gives a small laugh.

"Yeah, that's one thing you can always count on."

He walks to the edge of the bed, pulling a chair up close and sitting down; Sam remains standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Little guy missed you," he says, "Started screaming bloody murder when you left and hasn't calmed down until just now."

Matthias is still crying, but it's quiet in comparison.

Castiel furrows his eyebrows, watching their baby closely as Dean carefully passes him over.

Once he is in Castiel's arms, it's only a matter of a few hitched breaths and a long sigh before Matthias has quit crying completely and is relaxed and content, mere seconds to end what had been unstoppable for hours.

"He was afraid," Castiel says observantly, "He must have sensed something was wrong and panicked when he could only detect one of us in the vicinity… his movements are weak"

The angel holds him closer, looking a bit worried.

"I bet he's exhausted… probably starving too," Dean says guiltily, obviously blaming himself, "I couldn't even get him to eat."

Castiel doesn't speak for a moment, quietly observing Matthias as he lays calmly in his arms, watching him back with dark blue eyes that may or may not actually be green. He raises a tiny, uncoordinated hand that grabs onto the angel's shirt, opening and closing around the fabric, curiously feeling the texture of the hospital's provided attire.

"He still needs to draw energy from my grace on occasion," Castiel adds, still watching the baby, "He is doing so now. I… believe that absence may have contributed to his distress."

Matthias starts to fuss again, and Castiel gently repositions him to lay at a more upright angle.

"His hunger is beginning to catch up with him," the angel informs, brushing a soothing hand over the baby's hair.

Dean gets a bottle ready, and Matthias sucks it down so quickly, the hunter is worried he might choke. He's fine, though, and is asleep in the blink of an eye.

Sam doesn't hang around long either, and soon it's just Dean and Cas.

"You sure you're doing alright?" Dean asks skeptically.

The angel nods, absently ghosting his thumb back and forth across Matthias' cheek.

"This physical aid is very helpful. There is still much repair to be done, but I can can feel my grace beginning to mend itself."

The hunter visibly relaxes.

"Good. That's great," he says, feeling tremendously relieved by this new information, "And you're feeling better too?"

Castiel nods.

"Significantly."

Matthias sighs loudly in his sleep, his little limbs twitching and moving on occasion.

Dean can't help but smile proudly at him.

"Man, he's a wiggly little guy, ain't he," he comments.

The angel nods in agreement.

"I remember it was very bothersome when I was trying to sleep."

Dean smiles a little bigger.

"Yeah, speaking of which, Cas, you should probably try and get some shuteye."

The angel nods, quietly glancing down at their son.

"And you will watch over him?" he asks, handing him to the hunter.

"Nah, I'm just gonna set him on the table and leave," Dean deadpans.

Castiel looks horrified for a moment and then seems to realise it's a joke.

Dean smirks, patting his angel's shoulder and planting a kiss on his cheek.

"I'm not going anywhere, Cas," he assures.

"Thank you."

They talk quietly until Cas falls asleep mid-conversation, and Dean is left watching the steady movements of Matthias' tiny chest as it rises and falls, listening to the soft noises he makes with each breath.

He sleeps for several hours before waking up, hungry again, but Dean somehow manages to keep him quiet enough not to wake up Cas. He eats quickly and is out again like a light, nestled closely in Dean's arms.

The hunter frowns slightly, hoping it isn't harmful for him to be so exhausted.

He holds Matthias a bit tighter, taking the baby's little hand in his own and gently thumbing over his tiny fingers. Not a single word he can think of does the feeling any justice.

It's indescribable, to hold this tiny person, warm and soft and solid in his arms, moving and breathing and very much alive, and know that he and Cas made this.

He glances over at his angel, who is still laying as he was when he had fallen asleep several hours ago on his side, body slightly curled, lips gently parted, one arm tucked into his chest, and the other slightly outstretched in Dean's direction where the hunter had previously been holding his hand.

Everything is good right now; they're together, they have Matthias, and Cas is already doing way better.

It's just after Matthias wakes up a second time to be fed that things start of go bad. Dean gets him back to sleep with no troubles, and he stays that way, resting peacefully for a whole ten minutes before he begins fussing in his sleep and wakes up, scared and upset.

Dean tries for a moment to soothe him, but he only cries louder.

Cas blinks his eyes open, propping himself up with more effort than he should need. He looks confused for a brief moment and then he frowns, eyebrows furrowed and look clearly expressing that something is wrong.

Then it starts with a small stream of blood falling slowly from his nose. He reaches up a hand to wipe away the unknown substance, looking surprised at the red on his hand and horrified the moment it registers as blood.

"Dean," he says quietly, tone serious, voice shaking, and eyes wide with fear.

He opens his mouth to say something more, but another stream of blood runs over his teeth, filling the lines in his dry, cracked lips, and trickling down the side of his mouth. He raises a hand to catch the liquid, a small pool forming in his palm that then drips through the cracks of his fingers, landing in splattered red dots on white sheets.

Matthias screams as if he were being tortured, tiny lungs desperately gasping for air to create the most terrifying sound Dean has ever heard.

He's torn and heartbroken between his baby and his angel. Something, clearly, is very wrong with Cas, but Matthias sounds like he's in physical pain.

Dean panics. He checks Matthias anywhere for blood but finds nothing, then looks back at Cas, who has fallen into a fit of wet, bloody coughing and looks like he's trying desperately to catch a break and say something.

They're saved by a nurse who had heard Matthias screaming and come to make sure everything was alright. The affair ended in a repeat of earlier, Cas being rushed off to the OR and Matthias screaming his head off for the next several hours while he was gone, and Dean spends the entire wait internally beating himself over the way he froze up and just stood there like an idiot.

One of the doctors had taken a look at Matthias and found nothing wrong with him, said he's perfectly healthy aside from being a bit under-rested, then proceeded to scold Dean about letting Cas get so dangerously dehydrated and not bringing him to the hospital sooner. If the 'take better care of your family' wasn't already implied, it was in the doctor's expression and did nothing to dull the hunter's already raging self hatred.

Cas isn't awake this time when Dean gets to see him again. He had somehow managed to tear out every single one of his stitches, Dean had found out, and is now laying flat on his back, eyes closed and arms exposed to the less than comfortable chill of the room (Dean pulls the thin blankets up to cover him). There's an oxygen mask over his face and multiple bags on his drip feed.

Matthias has reduced his crying to a small snivelling in Dean's arms. His eyes are looking heavy, and the hunter's trying to rock him to sleep and feed him simultaneously is so far proving to be successful and eventually turns into another cycle of Matthias sleeping, waking up to eat, and falling back to sleep.

Dec. 6

It isn't until Cas wakes up that he notices. It's when Dean sort of just stares at him and his open eyes, when he removes the oxygen mask from his face, and the first thing he says to the hunter is, "You look unwell."

It's then that Dean suddenly realises he hasn't eaten in at least a couple days, or slept at all, for the matter. Not to mention the lack of a full night's rest in the days preceding to Cas' hospital stay.

He probably really does look like shit, so he brushes past the comment.

"Cas," he says quietly, his relief evident in his face, "Jesus, I thought I told you not to scare the shit out of me like that!"

Castiel watches him for a moment, looking a bit confused like he's trying to remember something.

"I apologise for causing you distress," he says, still with his eyes on the hunter.

Dean shakes his head.

"How're you feeling, buddy? You still aren't looking so hot."

The angel averts his gaze.

"I feel tired," he mumbles, "I feel very tired, and… there was something I needed to tell you, but I can't remember what it was… it was important."

"Okay… that's okay. Just take your time," the hunter responds patiently, "Are you feeling any _better_?"

Castiel blinks slowly and looks at Dean again.

"I can't tell. I just feel… drained."

"Yeah, you're telling me."

Castiel starts to shift, then winces and stops.

"Dean, I needed to tell you something important," he says, clearly stressing over the subject to the point that he's nearly frantic.

"Okay," he says, worry etched in his voice, "Alright. Don't worry; we'll figure it out."

Matthias makes a series of small noises from his place in Dean's arms that attracts the attention of both his parents.

Dean looks back at his angel, who is still watching their son.

"Was it about him?" the hunter asks

Castiel isn't immediately responsive to the suggestion.

"…Or the angels?"

Dean wishes, the moment the words leave his mouth, that he hadn't said anything.

Castiel stiffens, eyes wide and fearful, his breaths quickly becoming desperate gasping for air.

"Cas! Cas, calm down! You're gonna hurt yourself again!"

"_Dean_," he breathes out, now coughing slightly, dotting his hand with small flecks of blood, "Dean, they've been suffocating my grace… they are trying to kill me."

* * *

I hope that was an enjoyable chapter. I'm sorry about the cliffhanger, but I feel like I'm starting to lose peoples' interest, so I've got to keep it suspenseful.

Like I said, I was really nervous about posting this chapter, so I'd really appreciate to know what you think!

Thanks so much for sticking around and putting up with my crap for ten whole chapters!


	11. Chapter 11

**Rating:** PG13.**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG baby, slash, possible English mistakes, and the still ever present angel!whump  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **Still not as fast as I had hoped, but I finished it in under two weeks, so yay! Man, I should complain about not getting feedback more often. You guys were on fire with those reviews for last chapter! Thanks so much! Seriously, I really, _really _appreciate it. :) In other news, I've just reached 10,000 hits for this story, which is fucking awesome! So thank you guys so much for all your support. To be completely honest, I probably would have abandoned this story along time ago if it weren't for all you lovelies and the wonderful things you say. You guys are seriously the best! So thank you. That's about all I have to say, so I'll let you get to your new chapter! I tried to incorporate some cute moments with the baby, since a lot of people were asking for that, so hope you all enjoy! Thanks for reading :)

* * *

Dean wishes, the moment the words leave his mouth, that he hadn't said anything.

Castiel stiffens, eyes wide and fearful, his breaths quickly becoming desperate gasping for air.

"Cas! Cas, calm down! You're gonna hurt yourself again!"

"_Dean_," he breathes out, now coughing slightly, dotting his hand with small flecks of blood, "Dean, they've been suffocating my grace… they are trying to kill me."

"Cas, you've gotta calm down!"

The angel shakes his head.

"No. Dean, it's _them_. They are restoring the damage done to my vessel; they - they are going to exhaust my grace until it is so tired it will just… go out. They are going to-"

"Shut up, Cas! Don't you fucking talk like that. They are _not_ going to kill you, you understand me? No one is gonna lay a fucking finger on you."

"But, Dean-"

"Dammit, no 'but's, Cas. How many times do I have to tell you? I am not giving you up for anything - either one of you, you hear me? You should fucking know that by now."

"_Dean_," the angel pleas, "If they were to succeed, what do you think would happen to Matthias?"

He looks down at the baby who is now awake and watching with wide eyes.

"You saw how he was when we were separated," Castiel continues, "I can't bring myself to think of what would happen if that separation were to be permanent… if I were to be-"

"_Cas!_ I said shut up!" Dean snaps.

Matthias begins to whimper at his father's raised voice.

"Dammit," the hunter whispers under his breath, then looks back at Cas, "Can you walk?"

Castiel assesses himself.

"For a short distance, I believe so. Why would I need to-"

"They have to be able to see you, right? If they're gonna hurt you?"

The angel watches him curiously.

"Yes."

"Get up. We're going home."

Cas is a bit shaky walking on his own, but they get out of the hospital without so much as a single disturbance.

He's pretty tired by the time they reach the car, leaning against the door and closing his eyes while Dean straps the baby into his seat.

The drive home is silent, aside from Matthias' quiet fussing in the back, probably because Cas is exhausted, Dean notes, or maybe because he'd been feeling nauseous the whole way home, he later realises when his angel throws open the door and pukes in the driveway upon their arrival. He sits with his head between his knees as Dean gets Matthias out of his seat.

The hunter comes around and steadies Cas with his free hand, helping him stand.

"C'mon, buddy. We're almost there."

Castiel leans against him heavily, stumbling a bit here and there, but they somehow manage to make it into the house and up the stairs to their room.

Once he's able to set Matthias down, Dean undresses his angel, removing his coat and replacing that stupid hospital attire with one of his own comfortably worn AC/DC shirts before putting him in bed.

"Dean, they're going to find us," the angel protests, words slurring as he tries to get up.

The hunter pushes him back down and takes a seat beside him, holding Matthias where they can both see him.

"They aren't just going to disappear, Dean," he tries, "They will find us… The sigils here will not remain effective with my strength declining; we can hide here, but we will not be able to keep them out when they find us."

Dean brushes the unruly mess of hair from his angel's face.

"Cas, don't think about any of that. We're all okay, and you need to rest right now."

"But-"

"It's not gonna do us any good if you're still so sick you can hardly move," he continues, "It's only gonna get harder unless you can heal up a bit… so get some sleep. Me and Mattie will be right here."

Castiel looks up at the hunter questioningly.

"Dean, his name is not 'Mattie'."

The hunter smiles.

"Hey, he needs a nickname," he reasons with a small shrug, "Matthias is kind of a mouthful."

The angel seems to accept the explanation with a small, tired smile and decides to give in to Dean's requests, curling up beside him and sighing contently as he settles into the sheets.

"I will rest," he mumbles tiredly, "But only until my grace has been restored to an acceptable efficiency."

Dean supposes that's the best he'll get from his stubborn little angel.

"Promise you will wake me if something is wrong," he adds, his expression a saddening mix of concern and exhaustion.

"Promise," Dean assures, leaning over and brushing his angel's hair back as he places a soft kiss on his lips.

"Thank you," he slurs quietly, finally allowing his eyes fall to closed.

His breaths become deep and relaxed within minutes, and Dean is relieved to no end.

He sort of regrets not trying to get him to eat something first, but he isn't going to complain, because Castiel is finally sleeping and looking relaxed.

He passes time playing with Matthias, who is perfectly content to let his father poke at him and squish his cheeks; he even seems to be enjoying the attention. His peach fuzz hair, Dean discovers, is just as malleable as Castiel's, and it proves to be equally as entertaining.

He laughs quietly to himself when his son starts opening and closing his mouth like a fish. It's just plain cute an funny at first, but then Dean remembers reading that babies do that when they're hungry and spends the entire time he's making him a bottle tense and praying that Cas won't choose the two minutes he's not there to wake up.

He's relieved to come back to his angel still sleeping soundly, not appearing to have moved a muscle. He sits back down with Matthias, who is eagerly reaching his arms up in the general direction Dean is holding the bottle, still making fish like movements with his mouth.

"Just a sec, little guy," he says as he gets situated against the headboard, propping Matthias up where it's easier for him to eat.

Even after he's drained the bottle, he continues trying to suck from the empty plastic and resumes the persistent opening and closing of his mouth when Dean takes the bottle away.

"What, you want more?" he asks giving him a 'seriously?' look as if Matthias would understand what it meant, "I think you've had enough."

Dean tries to burp him after that, and half the baby formula he'd just consumed resurfaces on the hunter's shoulder.

Matthias smiles like he's proud of himself, and Dean wonders briefly if he's going to be one of those kids who likes to stick their fingers down their throat because seeing their froot loops again is apparently fucking hilarious.

He looks over at Cas again who's still sleeping like a rock. He's so still, he almost looks dead, but Dean can see the subtle rising and falling of his chest.

It scares him a bit that Cas is so far gone, but he supposes it's probably best while he's healing himself.

He doesn't really seem to be getting better either… Not that he's necessarily looking worse, but it's a bit concerning when it seems like he's frozen in time.

Dean really starts to worry when he sleeps past dinner time. The hunter, having yet to eat anything since he'd taken Cas to the hospital, settles for some cold pizza and half a tub of spaghetti that was in the fridge, trying (not so successfully) to simultaneously feed both himself and the baby. Only afterwards does he deem the method unproductive and more of a loss than a gain.

He hurries upstairs, back to his angel, suddenly wondering just how efficient Heaven's tracking methods are and how much time they have before those dicks figure out where they're hiding. He's been trying not to think about it, but the nagging question is finally wiggling its way to the surface of his mind.

They had never been able to find him and Sam easily, and with the sigils still keeping them hidden, they should be safe as long as they stay on the property… right?

That all seems logical, but Cas didn't seem to think that was the case.

The angel hasn't so much as twitched since he'd fallen asleep that morning. It's definitely starting to freak Dean out, and after he rocks an already drowsy Matthias until he falls the rest of the way to sleep and makes sure he's situated and cosy in his crib, he sits down beside his angel again and brushes a hand through his hair, pulling back in surprise when his fingers unexpectedly graze his ice cold skin, and that's all the confirmation Dean needs to be sure that something is very wrong.

"_Cas_," he tries to shake his angel awake, but he's entirely unresponsive, "Cas, you've gotta wake up, buddy; something's not right."

Still nothing.

"Cas, c'mon man," he pleads, shaking him harder.

The angel shifts slightly beneath the hunter's grip and slowly begins to crack open his eyes.

"Dean," he manages, voice quiet and hoarse, "I do not feel well. It is very cold in here."

"No, Cas, your body is freezing. What the hell is going on?"

Castiel is quiet for a long time.

"I feel very weak," he nearly whispers, completely ignoring the question.

"_Cas_, what's going on? It's not fucking normal to spontaneously go hypothermic when you're all wrapped up in blankets in a well heated room."

"I am aware, Dean. My grace has weakened greatly since-"

"What? Cas, you were supposed to be getting better, not worse!"

The angel takes in a shuddery breath, a layer of moisture now gathering on his brow.

"It is possible that my siblings have discovered a way to… manipulate the state of my physical and celestial forms through dream intervention, although it is more likely that they have planted something on me to moderate the draining of my energy," he says.

"What, you mean like some kind of angel parasite?"

Castiel curls up a bit tighter around himself.

"That… could be a somewhat accurate analogy," he decides, snuggling up, closer still, to Dean, "Whatever it is they are using to strain my grace… it is taking energy in whatever form it can get it…which I suppose would be heat in this case," the angel adds to clarify.

He rests his head against Dean's side, enjoying the hunter's warmth, then tenses suddenly.

"Dean," he chokes, now holding his stomach and struggling to take in air.

"Cas, what's the matter?"

"Dean, it - it hurts."

The hunter sits up, leaning over his angel worriedly.

"Cas, what hurts?" he asks, working much too hard to keep his voice level and calm.

The angel is too busy trying to get his lungs functioning to respond.

"What's hurting, Cas? You've gotta tell me; I can't help you if you don't tell me," Dean pleads.

Castiel weakly props himself up a bit with one arm, his expression deeply pained. He spares a glance at Dean before leaning over the edge of the bed and puking some kind of glowing blue liquid that hits the ground but doesn't soak into the carpet, just sits on top of it like oil on water. It continues to glow for a brief moment before the soft light fades, leaving behind a clear substance that quickly evaporates to nothing.

"Cas, what - what the _hell_ was that?" the hunter stammers, no longer able to hold the fear out of his voice.

Castiel, now collapsed in a weak little puddle looks at Dean, both apologetic and afraid.

"That was… part of my grace," he manages, quiet and ashamed, "Dean, I cannot heal myself. I am… too damaged."

He glances sadly at Matthias still sleeping in his crib.

"Dean, you will have to find a substitute for my grace. He still requires such energies to sustain himself. Your soul alone will likely be sufficient if you just keep him close by… He will most likely be almost entirely human and not develop any angelic powers or tendencies… if that is how you so choose to-"

"Cas, what the _hell_ are you talking about?" the hunter states more than asks, knowing full well what the answer is. He's angry. He can feel a lump forming in his throat.

"Dean, I am not going to survive this."

"Bullshit!" he calls, eyes watering, "I am _not_ gonna let you die."

"Dean-"

"No. You've got a kid to raise and a fucking life to live; you are not dying like this. I don't care if it's dangerous; Cas, you're gonna touch my fucking soul or whatever the hell it takes, and you're gonna be okay."

"Dean, the risk-"

"I don't care. Just do it. I don't fucking care."

Castiel sits up with a good deal of effort, moving towards Dean, but he hesitates. He hesitates a moment too long, and suddenly there's more blue light spilling from him and quickly dissolving into the world.

"Cas, c'mon," Dean urges, "Before you get any worse."

He can hear Matthias, now awake, beginning to whimper from his crib. Castiel makes up his mind.

"I would suggest you lay back and brace yourself," the angel warns.

"Check and check," Dean notes, laying back against the pillows propped up on the headboard.

"You are sure of this?"

"Yes, Cas. Just do it already."

The angel nods, looking at him apologetically as he carefully reaches a hand inside him, light escaping from the cracks between them.

Matthias' distress has escalated, and he's screaming now, scared and upset.

Dean's face is scrunched in pain as he tries, for the sake of both his son and his angel, not to yell out.

He succeeds for the most part, breath heavy as Castiel pulls his hand out and falls down beside him, looking tired but no longer sick.

"You good? Better?" Dean asks between breaths.

The angel nods.

"Much… thank you, Dean."

He gathers himself into a sitting position and pushes himself off the bed, his movements already much quicker and more alert, Dean notices.

He sits back down with Matthias in his arms, the baby's cries ceasing the moment he realises that both of his parents are okay.

"Hey there, buddy. Sorry we scared you," Dean says quietly as Castiel moves closer with their son.

Matthias sucks on his lower lip and stares at him, cheeks still flushed from crying.

He lays contently in the angel's arms, making faces that Dean finds very entertaining. Cas gently combs his fingers through his hair and rubs his little head. Matthias leans into the touch and cracks a crooked, toothless grin in response to the contact.

It's just them for now, no heaven, no hell, no emergencies, and everything is okay, even if it's only for a little while.

Dec. 7

Cas is doing significantly better. He isn't tired or getting sick, and he says his grace is healing well.

He has his first experience changing a poopy diaper (with Dean's supervision, of course), which takes about ten times longer than it should have, because 'the baby is very sensitive, Dean,' and Cas has to go about the process 'very gingerly,' so as not to irritate his skin.

"I don't understand how he can produce something so vile when all he consumes is powdered milk," he says in retrospect, eyeing the wrapped up diaper with disgust.

"It's just part of the miracle of life, Cas," Dean jokes, patting his angel on the shoulder as he stands to take the offending object to the bin outside.

Everything is going well, but there is a nagging fear present as they go about their day, about the other angels and whatever they're plotting. Cas says he's almost got enough juice to sustain the sigils around the property at full power, and pretty soon he'll be able to start healing his broken wing. They can't stay there forever though, and leaving will immediately put them at risk of being found. Not to mention, a life of running and hiding from heaven would not be any way to raise a child, or really a practical lifestyle for anyone, for that matter.

The obstacles and complications are mutually understood by the hunter and the angel, but they remain unspoken, a silent agreement between them to enjoy the time they're sharing now while there are no apparent actions available to be taken, and discuss the matter when it will not disrupt this opportunity they finally have to bond with their child.

It's snowing huge flakes after dinner that are illuminated by the lantern out on the porch. Their size and consistency is just like the ones that had been drifting down when Matthias was born, and Dean is reminded that he had promised they could show him the snow.

They bundle up - well, _Dean_ bundles them all up. Matthias has a baby sized ski hat with a strip of a geometric pattern that wraps around it and a big puffball on top. It's still a little big on his head, but that really just makes it cuter.

His little fingers are completely covered up by the overly long sleeves of his nice warm footie pyjamas, and then he's wrapped in that ridiculously soft, fuzzy blanket again, as well as a couple more slightly larger but not quite so unbelievably soft blankets for good measure.

The large open area at the side of the house is a gorgeous plane of undisturbed snow.

Matthias is on sensory overload, looking very happy from his place in Castiel's arms, and radiating contentment, but unsure as to whether he should stare at the huge expanse of white across the yard or watch the giant falling pieces of it parading from the sky.

They stay out there for a while, Matthias simply content to watch and observe. He lays warm in Castiel's arms, and they both watch from the tire swing while Dean makes a small snowman and names it Chevy.

Matthias' little nose and cheeks are flushed and rosy by the time they're about to head in. Castiel's are much the same.

The angel gives Dean a turn with the baby, handing him over very carefully before they begin to walk back towards the house.

He's about to make a remark about how adorable the baby is right now, but is silenced by an unwelcome fluttering of wings.

"Give me the abomination," the corresponding voice demands, a serious tone about it.

It's the same angel that nearly killed Dean. Akriel.

"Neither you nor Dean Winchester should be alive right now," he says, almost angrily, "You have defied heaven in more ways than one. Now hand the child over, Castiel."

He's panicked; he feels his heart drop rapidly from his chest. This is not how today is supposed to end, not like this, anything but this.

"No."

"Hand over the abomination, Castiel, or you will die by my hand. It is property of heaven; you have no right to keep it."

Matthias is crying now.

"_No_. He is not anyone's 'property', and you may not take him," Castiel spits, seething.

"It is to be a weapon of heaven, Castiel, a very powerful and volatile weapon, and is of high value. You are still damaged, Castiel; you will not stand in my way."

Cas steps forward, standing as tall as he can make himself, still falling just short of equal to Akriel's vessel, but it doesn't matter, because the look in his eyes is deadly.

"I said no."

Akriel cocks his head at him, leaning slightly closer.

"Then you are choosing to die."

Akriel appears behind him, but Castiel is fast. He blocks the hit and barely misses the other angel's shoulder.

"Dean!" he calls, desperation taking both his voice and expression, "Take him inside!"

The hunter hesitates, looking worriedly at his angel.

"Now!" Castiel yells as he blocks another attempted hit, "_Go!_"

Dean reluctantly heads for the stairs, hand protecting Matthias' tiny head as his cries harder with each step he takes away from Cas.

Dean's heart stops when there is a bright light behind him. The twisting feeling in his gut makes it hard to breathe. He doesn't want to turn around because he has this horrible, painful feeling, and when Matthias screams like nothing he's ever heard, Dean knows.

He forces himself to look back, and physically feels his heart shatter.

Akriel is gone, and Castiel is lying on his back, snow kicked up around him and a visible impression of his wings like they've been drawn into the white with charcoal.

* * *

Dont hate me just yet. (;

Please give me your thoughts on the chapter. Remember, more feedback gives me more motivation to write! (See that? Now I'm bribing you guys with cliffhangers).

Thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Rating:** PG13.**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG baby, slash, possible English mistakes  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **Huge apologies for making you all wait so long after a cliffhanger like that! I did have a pretty good excuse, but I still feel really bad. :( I tried to let anyone who follows my tumblr know what what was going on, but that's only a few people, so I don't think that was very successful. Anyways, I was feeling pretty sick when I was finishing up the last chapter (so sorry if I was making less sense than usual), and I was in some serious fucking pain, like probably the worst pain I have ever felt in my life, the couple days after I posted it. Well, it turned out that I had appendicitis, which they just barely caught before my appendix ruptured (and I am a seriously lucky fucking duck for that), so I spontaneoulsy had to have surgery, and that had me in the hospital for a bit, then I spent my first few days at home laying on the couch watching movies all day while I was high as fuck on pain meds. So, needless to say, I wasn't exactly in the best shape to for writing anything… Anyways, I hope you can at least partially forgive me and enjoy the chapter! Thanks for reading!

* * *

"I said no."

Akriel cocks his head at him, leaning slightly closer.

"Then you are choosing to die."

Akriel appears behind him, but Castiel is fast. He blocks the hit and barely misses the other angel's shoulder.

"Dean!" he calls, desperation taking both his voice and expression, "Take him inside!"

The hunter hesitates, looking worriedly at his angel.

"Now!" Castiel yells as he blocks another attempted hit, "_Go!_"

Dean reluctantly heads for the stairs, hand protecting Matthias' tiny head as his cries harder with each step he takes away from Cas.

Dean's heart stops when there is a bright light behind him. The twisting feeling in his gut makes it hard to breathe. He doesn't want to turn around because he has this horrible, painful feeling, and when Matthias screams like nothing he's ever heard, Dean knows.

He forces himself to look back, and physically feels his heart shatter.

Akriel is gone, and Castiel is lying on his back, snow kicked up around him and a visible impression of his wings like they've been drawn into the white with charcoal.

He can see where one of them is pulled in slightly, as much a Cas could manage with it bent and twisted out of shape. It's painful just to look at, and he can't help but think of the pain it must have been causing him all this time.

That isn't what's important though, because maybe he's still alive. There's got to be at least a chance, because Cas can't be dead, and Dean's gotta help him, cause he's hurt real bad for sure, but there's no way he's dead, not after everything they've been through. He can't be.

"Cas!"

Dean runs to his angel, kicking up snow behind him, still holding on tightly to the tiny screaming bundle in his arms as he's calling out, praying for any kind of response.

"Cas!"

He falls to his knees beside his angel, his vision blurring with unshed tears as he sees the wound in the centre of his chest. The blood has soaked through his layers of clothing and marked his jacket with dark crimson.

His eyes are closed, and his skin is cold when Dean checks him for a pulse.

He bleeds, so he's gotta have a heartbeat, right? Dean's sure he does, sure he's felt it before… but not now.

He's remembering wrong then. That has to be it, because he isn't dead; there's no way.

"Cas," he cries softly, voice cracking as a few stray tears drip from his eyes and fall to their deaths in the snow, "You gotta wake up, buddy. C'mon."

The hunter shakes him slightly, throat clenching tighter as he loses more tears down his cheeks.

"C'mon, man. You gotta wake up. Mattie needs you… I need you too, Cas. We both do real bad."

No response, no breathing, no heartbeat.

Dean pulls the limp, lifeless form of his angel into his lap, brushes the mess of hair from his face, and for once in his life, allows himself to cry. That's how Bobby finds him some unknown amount of time later.

Dec. 8

He'd been on a hunt in Connecticut and came home to a text from Dean, _Matthias Alexander Winchester_, with an attached photo of Cas looking like he'd just ran a marathon or four, passed out and holding onto a tiny newborn baby who was sleeping soundly with his face squished against the angel's chest.

Bobby was out the door in an instant to go meet the little guy, but the scene that had greeted him was far from the happy family photo he'd had in mind.

Dean is in denial. He keeps talking like Cas is still alive, like he's gonna wake up any minute or like he left for an hour to go get groceries.

He knows that Cas is gone, knows that he can't bring him back, but he has this blind, desperate hope that if he pretends everything is okay, then some part of that will magically change.

When he isn't pacing or looking out the kitchen window at the new layers of snow that have covered the evidence of what happened the night before, he's spending his time adjusting the blanket over Cas' body and talking to him quietly, telling him that he's gonna fix this and get him better, sometimes getting frustrated with him when the empty vessel won't comply to his pleas for Cas to just wake the fuck up already.

Matthias has stopped crying, which would be a huge relief, except now he's deathly silent. He won't make a single sound. He won't watch things curiously or make cute faces. He won't even eat.

Dean's life isn't even in pieces; it's not even in pieces of pieces; all that's left is an ash-like dust that continues to scatter itself.

As he's looking out the window, he notices Chevy the snowman is still standing beneath the apple tree, a bit lopsided, but upright nonetheless. The memory makes his throat tighten, Cas smiling at him and Matthias watching with big, curious eyes.

It's physically painful, and the next thing Dean knows, he's out there kicking its snowy brains in, smashing the thing until it's nothing but a flattened heap of ice and dirt. He falls to his knees and punches the ground one more time for good measure. Hot tears slide down his cheeks, stinging his frozen skin. It's pointless trying to hold them back, so he sits in the snow and cries until he's numb from the cold and his lack of any sort of jacket. He would have stayed out there until he froze to death if there hadn't been a large hand on his shoulder that eased him onto his feet and nearly dragged him back to the house.

"He's gone, Sammy," Dean all but sobs, broken and leaning against his brother for support, "I don't wanna believe it, but I can't… I should have - if I would've just-"

"Dean, stop," is all Sam says, guiding the mess that is his brother to the door.

Dean feels like the biggest piece of shit when he steps inside, because Matthias is crying, terrified that he wasn't there, and Bobby is still trying to calm him down even though he knows it's pointless.

"You just gonna stand there like an idjit, or are you gonna come take care of your boy?"

Dean straightens up, hoping his eyes aren't too puffy.

"Sorry," he mumbles, walking over to take Matthias, who calms down almost instantly upon being returned to his father.

Dean moves to sit with him on the couch, not sparing a second glance at anyone else in the room and remaining completely unaware of the two worried looks he's receiving.

Matthias won't let anyone else hold him after that, and Dean hates himself, because now his kid has this severe separation anxiety, and it's all his fault.

He should've figured he would manage to fuck up parenting within the first few days.

Dec. 11

Matthias is a week old today. He already seems bigger.

They buried Cas in the woods behind the house, and Dean misses him like hell. He still feels around for him at night when he's drowsy and incoherent, and when Matthias wakes up screaming, he thinks he would give anything to trade places with Cas, because maybe the little guy wouldn't be so distraught if it had been him instead.

He'll cry for hours at a time in the middle of the night, scared and clingy, grabbing onto whatever of Dean's his tiny hands can grasp.

He sounds sad when he cries, not like a new baby who's hungry or needs a new diaper, but a distinctly heartbroken sound like homesickness or mourning, which probably isn't so far off from what the little guy is feeling.

Dean takes him to Castiel's grave every morning. He doesn't cry, but he whimpers like he's about to, like he knows where they are and what the little wooden cross in the ground means.

Today is supposed to be special, some sort of milestone. They were supposed to celebrate his first week of life today… except this first week has been nothing but one nightmare after another and is certainly not anything to be celebrated or praised.

He hates himself even more because Matthias doesn't deserve any of this, and Dean feels somehow responsible for all the things that have gone wrong since he was brought into this world.

He has to take Matthias to the store for groceries, and he swears there's something that reminds him of Cas around every corner. He keeps turning around to ask him what he wants for dinner, what kind of bread he should buy, whether or not the produce looks sufficiently ripe. He walks past a section of various teas and almost gets some more chai before he remembers that Cas is gone and no one will ever drink it.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Dean knows without a doubt that the world is out to get him (or this store is at least) when some woman in the check out line is cooing over Matthias and ventures to ask where his mother is.

The hunter's resolve cracks about then.

"Dead," is all he says before turning around, not even caring what an asshole he's being.

At first, he'd had this tiny, shimmering sliver of hope that whatever had brought Cas back all those times before might have the heart to do it one more time, but that had dissipated quickly, because why would it wait this long and cause so much suffering?

Matthias still refuses to eat most of the time, and it terrifies Dean. The amount he has been consuming is steadily decreasing day by day as the heart wrenching disturbances in his sleep become longer and more frequent.

Dean doesn't get much sleep anymore himself. Even when he gets the chance, he can't escape the overpowering fear that keeps him awake, the fear that this isn't going to get better. Sometimes it seems like he's spending more time each day trying to comfort Matthias than not. His worrying about him is certainly a constant, especially when Matthias' lack of eating is beginning to show in his behaviour. He moves less and less by the hour, becoming weaker, his movements smaller and slower and without any conviction.

"C'mon, buddy," Dean encourages, holding a bottle to his mouth.

Matthias turns his head away, tiny lips pressed together as much as her can manage.

"Just a little bit, Mattie, c'mon," he pleads, fighting tears and frustration, "Oh god, please don't do this to me."

He continues to try, even knowing it's a worthless attempt, but there's not much else he can do.

Dean can't take him to the hospital; Matthias will hardly allow Sam to touch him anymore, let alone some entirely unfamiliar doctor. Besides, they've spent enough time there this last couple weeks.

He's at a loss for what to do, because Cas couldn't have been more wrong when he thought they could live without him, and it hurts just that much more, because they had actually been happy for a minute, and now the little bit thats left of it is all falling to shit.

Dean nods off for a bit as he's cradling an unfed but sleeping Matthias in his arms. He swears he can hear Cas' voice when he's dreaming, but it's distant and quiet, and it doesn't even last a second before he wakes up on the couch with a sore neck and a headache.

Sam is there now. Dean can hear him shuffling around in the kitchen. He pops by a lot since Cas died… probably to make sure Dean doesn't accidentally kill himself or something, which probably isn't a very unreasonable concern with him in such a dysfunctional state.

Matthias wakes up moments after his father with an unidentifiable expression on his face. He looks surprised and confused, and he's radiating pure fear.

Dean furrows his eyebrows in concern, keeping a close eye on his son.

"What's the matter, buddy?" he asks quietly, brushing gentle fingers through his hair.

Matthias just begins to fuss.

"You finally hungry, little guy?" he tries, reaching for the now lukewarm bottle that had been set on the coffee table.

Matthias' fussing becomes a loud cry, and Dean hastily puts the bottle back in its place if exclusion to focus his attention on the frightened baby in his arms.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. Daddy's got you," he shushes, rocking gently back and forth and rubbing his little cheek with the back of his finger. Matthias leans into the touch, but calms down minimally.

Something doesn't feel right.

"Sammy?" Dean calls.

No response.

Not good.

He gets up, head pounding when he stands, and walks to the front door to look out the window. He peeks outside, and suddenly there's this awful twisting feeling in his gut, because Sam's car isn't even in the driveway.

Not good at all.

He shuffles around, trying to find where he'd put his phone, punching in Sam's number with impressive speed once he's located it.

Dean feels uneasy as he listens to the dialling tone, keeping his guard up and ready protect his son from whatever danger might be lurking around in the house.

"_Dean, hey_," Sam answers, "_Is… everything okay_?"

"Sammy, where are you?"

The other line is quiet for a moment.

"_I was just about to leave_," he assures, concerned by the fear and mild desperation in his brother's voice, "_I'll be there in less than an hour, promise_."

The older Winchester is silent. All that can be heard on his end of the line is Matthias' frightened cries.

"_Dean…?_"

"There's something in the house, Sammy," Dean breathes out, voice hushed to almost a whisper and carelessly leaking undisguised fear, "Sammy, you gotta get here fast, cause there's something here, and—oh god, they're gonna take Mattie from me too. Jesus, Sammy, they're gonna take him—"

"_Dean. Calm down. Just for a sec, okay?_"

The older hunter swallows and nods as if his brother can see the silent agreement.

"_How do you know there's something in the house? Did you see it?_"

Dean shakes his head, "No, I—I heard something. I don't know what it was, but I know I heard—I though it was you, Sammy, but—"

Dean doesn't hear the muttered 'shit…' on the other line.

"_Alright, I'm on my way, Dean. Just—_"

The line goes dead then.

Dean feels like he's gonna throw up. He's not in any shape to be fighting something right now, much less fighting something and protecting a baby.

He doesn't even know where to begin, other than hold on tight and run like hell.

It takes him a moment to realise that nothing is actually happening, and then he isn't sure whether he should be grateful or further terrified, but that bad feeling is still hanging around in his gut.

He cautiously makes his way back to the living room, wary of every nook and crevice, and holding Matthias as close and secure as he can possibly manage. Something catches his eye in the kitchen, though.

The bad feeling intensifies.

A small cabinet of various healing and medical supplies has been thrown open, a couple jars of herbs knocked over and spilled onto the floor. Most concerning, however, is that there's a large smear of blood stretching across the linoleum as if some bloody creature had dragged itself in there… or was dragged out by something else.

"These sigils are done very well. Still very difficult to get through, but much less effective without Castiel around to maintain them."

Dean whips his head around to the all too familiar intruder, the pouding in his head and in his heart almost in sync but separated just enough to be slightly disorienting.

"Get out of my house, you piece to shit," Dean spits.

"Gladly," the angel agrees, "Once you've handed over that filthy creature."

Dean takes a step back. Matthias has stopped crying. He is curled up in the hunter's arms and nearly shaking with fear, although it isn't quite clear whether or not the shaking is actually physical.

"You know that ain't ever gonna happen."

Dean lifts a hand to protect his baby's tiny head.

"I figured you would react as such. Perhaps you require a bit of motivation."

The angel snaps his fingers, and suddenly there is something laying beaten and bloody in a heap on the ground.

Dean blinks… and blinks again.

It takes a moment, because at first glance he doesn't even recognise this bruised and bleeding mess as a person, but there is a very distinct feeling of simple rightness, and he just knows. Before he even has to lift his beaten and battered face to lock his gaze with the hunter's, Dean knows, and for a long while his voice is caught in his throat.

"Cas?"

* * *

I have a right to be a bitch, okay? I'm recovering from what potentially could have been a life threatening illness, so you can't be mad at me.

Besides, it would've been a boring chapter if I didn't end like that.

I hope nothing was too weird or poorly written since I wrote some parts under the influence of prescription pain medication, and I'm really sorry I took so long with this and apologies for the short-ish length. I hope you liked it, though, and I would love your feedback!

Thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

**Rating:** PG13**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG baby, slash, possible English mistakes  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **So first off, apologies for my lack of timeliness _once again_. I had planned to make up for taking a long time with the last chapter by trying to get this finished as quickly as possible, and it was a little faster than usual, but I still did a shitty job. I had planned to have it up by the morning several days ago and thought I was going at the right pace to do so, but I ended up having to rewrite this huge section in the middle about five times (no joke) before I was even remotely happy with it. But hey, it's still better than usual, yeah? A bit? Maybe? Also, I realised that I've forgotten to respond to reviews the last two chapters in a row! Gosh, I'm so sorry about that! I feel like such an ass. Feel free to come on over here and slap me with a fish. I really want to blame it on being sick, but in all honesty I think it's just me being forgetful. Apologies again for all the many things I have reason to apologise for, and I hope you all enjoy the chapter! Thanks for reading! :)

**A/N #2: **In case anyone is wondering, I'm doing much better. I'm no longer under house arrest, so that's a big plus. Thanks so much for all the well wishes!

* * *

The angel snaps his fingers, and suddenly there is something laying beaten and bloody in a heap on the ground.

Dean blinks… and blinks again.

It takes a moment, because at first glance he doesn't even recognise this bruised and bleeding mess as a person, but there is a very distinct feeling of simple rightness, and he just knows. Before he even has to lift his beaten and battered face to lock his gaze with the hunter's, Dean knows, and for a long while his voice is caught in his throat.

"Cas?"

Dean is caught between the overwhelming relief that he is there and _alive_, the doubt and fear that this has to be some sort of trick because Cas is dead and buried, and the plain heartbreak of seeing the state he's in, covered in his own blood and beaten so badly he's barely able to move.

"De—" the angel tries to call out, only to be silenced by a forceful kick to the stomach that knocks the breath out of him and sends him curling in on himself.

"Now surrender the abomination or this will not end well for either of you."

"Dean, don't…" Castiel coughs, trying to push himself up before he is grabbed by his hair and pulled upright.

Suddenly there is a silver blade cutting into the curve of his cheekbone and more thick red liquid dripping down his face.

"You put him down, you son of a bitch!" Dean orders, voice leaking emotion as he's fighting the urge to run to his angel.

"As you wish," Akriel complies, carelessly tossing Cas to the side, where he hits the wall with notable amount of force, "It would serve you well to begin your cooperation now."

The hunter's gaze is still locked on his angel and the fear and pleading in his eyes as he weakly lifts his head, silently begging Dean not to give up their baby.

"How many times have I gotta say it?" he repeats, forcing himself to take his eyes from Castiel, "It ain't gonna happen."

Dean blinks then, only a moment, and suddenly Akriel is gone, Cas still crumpled on the floor, bleeding and looking deeply concerned.

The hunter is tense, waiting for the other angel to reappear somewhere behind him, until he realises that Matthias has stopped shaking. He's relaxed immensely, and Dean knows then that he is gone.

"That was way too easy," Dean mumbles, brow furrowed.

Castiel shifts slightly, still trying unsuccessfully to sit up, "He will not be gone long."

Dean stares at him for a moment as if just then realising that he's still there. He tries to speak, but the words won't come out, so he takes a cautious step closer.

"Cas," he finally manages, breath hitching and still fumbling helplessly with his highly uncooperative mouth, "How did - how are you even alive? Where the hell have you _been_? Cas, I—"

The hunter's voice breaks, and he can't say any more.

Castiel looks up at him with big eyes, the fresh wound on his cheek still bleeding and beginning to swell slightly.

"My father brought me back," he wheezes, noticeably struggling with his lungs, "But they… took me before I could get to you. They - they kept me from you, and they… inflicted harm when I refused them cooperation that would compromise your safety."

He coughs harshly then, bringing up blood that pools in his mouth and streams slowly down from the corner of his lips.

Dean is looking worriedly into his averted eyes as Castiel wipes the substance away with the back of his hand, succeeding only partially and leaving a light smear on his steadily paling skin.

"They cannot see you… or Matthias," he continues, returning his gaze to the hunter, "He was born with the same… the same sigils that I carved into your rib cage."

The angel coughs again, wincing at the harsh movement.

Dean moves closer, kneeling down and reaching his free hand towards Cas, only to retract when he can't find anywhere to set it that would not cause him pain.

"My brothers, they… they succeeded without my help… and Akriel will return. He will return and he will - Dean, you have to go. They will not find you. You have to—"

"Stop it. I'm not leaving you, Cas… I can't," he pauses, trying to swallow the lump in his throat and will away the wetness in his eyes.

"But _Dean_—"

"You have no idea what it's been like without you here!" he snaps, voice still shaky, "You don't know what it's like to wake up to Mattie screaming and to feel around for you and have you not be there… and Mattie, oh god. He's been fucking heartbroken, and he's scared all the time. He won't - I can't even get him to—"

The hunter stops and tenses, looking down at his son who has suddenly become intensely frightened.

He looks to Cas, as if to ask if he can feel it as well.

"Dean, go!" the angel pleads with desperation, having finally given up on trying to get himself upright.

The hunter looks at him one last moment, then starts to stand, only to fall back on his knees, barely managing to catch himself with his free hand as he keeps Matthias held tightly to his chest.

He coughs harshly, face scrunching in pain as he feels his chest contracting violently and notices the taste of blood suddenly filling his mouth.

The emotion radiating from Matthias is changing. Dean can't name it, but it is intense, and it scares him. He wants to look to Cas for reassurance, but he can't manage to lift his head, and he knows he wouldn't find it there anyway.

He can feel the presence of someone looming over him, and he knows how this is going to end. He wants to get up and run, but he can't stop coughing, and it hurts so bad.

Why didn't he see this coming?

He can't even keep his eyes open, and the last thing he hears is Matthias screaming as he's pried helplessly from the hunter's arms. Dean feels his terror escalating and whatever that other feeling is intensifying and expanding to fill the entire room. It's so strong that it's overwhelming and all of a sudden there is this light… and that's it.

Dean wakes up on the couch. He's fuzzy for a moment before the memories rush back to him, and sits up abruptly, only to discover that his head still hurts like hell…maybe even worse.

"Dean, take it easy."

He looks over to see Sam sitting in one of the chairs where he is holding Matthias and rocking him gently as he's sleeping.

It's getting dark out now, and he couldn't be more confused, especially since not only is Matthias there and okay and allowing Sam to hold him, but there's an empty bottle sitting on the coffee table and he is resting peacefully for the first time since Cas…

"Sammy, what happened?" he groans, "Where's Cas? Is he—"

"Dean, calm down," Sam tries, moving to his brother to make sure he stays put, "You're probably still off balance."

He sits down beside him. Matthias is awake now, staring up at his father as Sam carefully passes him over.

Dean visibly relaxes with his baby back in his arms.

"Hey there, buddy," he almost whispers, noticeably struggling to keep his composure, "You look pretty tired… I bet you are pretty tired."

He cradles him tightly against his chest, and feeling his warm, tiny breaths against his neck and his little lungs filling and compressing, each tiny movement he makes, is an overwhelming wave of relief.

"Jesus, Sammy, what happened?" he manages, "Where's Cas?"

Sam hesitates a moment, "Cas is upstairs. He's… well, he's alive."

Dean sits up a bit straighter. It's a relief to hear, but somehow it doesn't sound like a good thing.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he asks darkly.

Sam fidgets a bit.

"Well I mean he's breathing alright and everything… but he looked like he was hurt pretty bad, and he passed out awfully fast after healing you…"

"God dammit…" Dean mutters, "Why did he—?"

"Can you relax for a minute and just let me explain what happened?"

Dean sits back a bit and nods, absently sifting his fingers through Matthias' hair.

"Remember that kid who was half human, half demon?"

"Yeah," Dean says with an affirmative nod.

"Well, when you put a human and an _angel_ together," Sam continues, gesturing for him to make the connection, "And think of how much more powerful an angel is than a demon."

"Shit."

"Yeah, that's right."

"Well no wonder those dicks were trying to take him away. They're probably all sitting up there pissing themselves."

"Well, I did a bit of research on it when you were unconscious, and it turns out that it's quite a bit more reserved than the whole demon powers thing… at least until he's quite a bit older, and even then it would need to be, uh… stimulated, I guess. But for now, apparently it's only effective under extreme emotional circumstances."

"You mean like it only works as a defence mechanism?"

"Right," Sam confirms, "So when there's… say an angel trying to take him away, all he really understands is that his parents are in danger, and he's scared, and the only thing he wants is for it to stop… so it stops."

"It stops?"

"Yeah. Well, I mean I'm not exactly sure what he did; it was all over an done with by the time I got here… but the basis of what happened is that he eliminated the threat, and neither you or Cas ended up dead."

Dean returns his gaze to the once again sleeping baby in his arms, and his expression quickly becomes sympathetic and slightly concerned.

"Did he - he didn't kill him did he…? The other angel?"

Sam shrugs.

"I really don't know. But would it really be such a bad thing if he did?"

"Well, no - I mean I guess not. It's just - I don't want him to have that kind of weight on him, y'know? I mean even if he doesn't know what he did, word gets around fast, and if everything is that afraid of him they might all…" he stops himself, suddenly realising, "They might all stay away from him."

He looks back to Sam, "You don't think they'd have the guts to come after him, do you?"

Sam just shakes his head, "I don't know, man."

Matthias lets out a small sigh in his sleep that draws both brothers' attention.

"How'd you get him to calm down, anyway?" Dean asks, shifting slightly to hold his son in a more comfortable position.

"I don't really know. Cas said something to him in Enochian right before he passed out, so that might've had something to do with it."

Dean pauses a moment then nods hesitantly.

"You said he was upstairs. He's okay, isn't he?" the older hunter asks, suddenly sounding a bit panicked.

Sam hesitates a moment.

"He will be," he finally says, "He's gonna be alright."

Dean gives him a skeptical look as he stands a bit too abruptly, swaying slightly and quickly ignoring the vertigo as soon as he regains his balance.

"Dean, be careful. You were exposed to some kind of angelic shock wave," Sam warns, "And I think it kind of messed you up."

Dean gives him the best bitch face he has the energy to pull off with his head pounding and vision swimming.

"I'm fine, Sammy," he insists, heading for the stairs and somehow managing to keep his balance in check, "I've gotta go see him."

The younger brother gets up and follows, mostly to make sure Dean doesn't fall down the stairs, because he's doing a terrible job of hiding what a bad idea it was to stand up.

"You sure you're feeling alright?" he asks worriedly when Dean has to lean against the wall once he's reached the top of the stairs, eyes closed as he's petting absently through his son's hair.

The older hunter swallows dryly and opens his eyes at the question, only to hastily shut them again when the light stings.

"Said 'm fine, Sammy," he repeats, this time with even less conviction, "Just need a minute."

It's actually several minutes before Dean opens his eyes and stands, much more balanced this time.

Sam still looks concerned.

"You want me to get some ibuprofen or something?" he asks, although they both know it's more of an excuse for him to give his brother some time alone with his angel than anything else.

"Um, yeah. Sure," Dean replies a bit awkwardly, "Thanks."

He doesn't really know what he was expecting to see when he opens the door, but it's far from the sight that greets him.

Cas is all washed up and bandaged, and he looks unbelievably better from the last time Dean saw him.

He's lying on his side, curled slightly, lips parted and muscles relaxed.

Dean just wants him to wake up, and he wants him to heal himself so he can hug him and kiss him, and later when the baby is asleep, they can have desperate reunion sex over and over until neither of then can move.

Cas is out cold though, and Sam really wasn't kidding him not looking so good.

The angel is covered in bandages and bruises, and Dean looks over him worriedly, gaze falling on the white padding that is masking the cut on his cheek. It suddenly brings the question to mind, just how many of those wounds were caused by that knife? All of them? That would take a lot of juice to heal.

Dean sits down beside him on the edge of the bed and reaches out to run a hand through his hair, but the bandage covering a wound at his hairline is in the way, so he settles for gently stroking his cheek with the back of his hand.

It's surreal to have him back, and a huge relief to see his chest rising and falling, slow and even, but there is this nagging fear that won't leave, because he still isn't conscious.

Everything must be alright though, because Matthias seems to be perfectly relaxed, and he hasn't been that way in a long time.

Dean places a hand on his son's back, lightly rubbing small circles with his fingertips, and the feeling of contentment that the baby radiates from it is comforting, enough so that he decides it would be safe to rest his eyes for a minute. Only for a minute though.

Sam is sure to take his time getting that ibuprofen, but doesn't drag out the task for an excessively long time. By the time he returns, however, Dean has fallen asleep leaning back against the headboard and still holding Matthias protectively to his chest.

In all honesty, it's a sight he thought he'd never see, but his brother finally has the family he's always wanted. It's been a struggle so far, sure, but he has a feeling that things will be better from here on out.

After leaving the pills and glass of water on the nightstand, Sam debates whether or not to throw a blanket over him but decides against it, figuring it's warm enough, and he'd rather not deal with Dean's teasing about 'Sam the mother hen,' or maybe this time it would be 'mother moose'… even better.

He flicks off the light and heads downstairs to continue his unfinished research.

It isn't until a couple of hours later that Dean is woken up to someone calling his name. The voice sounds slightly panicked, but Dean is just groggy enough to ignore it for a moment. When Matthias begins to whimper though, he's alert and ready to handle anything in an instant.

He opens his eyes to Cas staring directly at him, and he's incredibly glad to see him conscious and not looking like he should have died from blood loss half an hour ago, but that feeling is overpowered by the tinge of fear in the angel's tone.

He sits up as quickly as he can manage without agitating his lingering headache or further startling the baby.

"Cas," he manages, expression leaking worry, "Hey, buddy. What - what's wrong?"

The angel just shakes his head weakly.

"Akriel is gone?" he asks as though to confirm what he already knows.

The hunter nods, "Yeah, Cas. It's okay; he's gone… and he ain't gonna bother us anymore either."

Castiel lets out a long breath, looking very contemplative.

"He is dead," the angel finally says, and it is a firm statement, not any kind of a question.

Dean glances down at Matthias who has quit fussing but still looks upset.

"Are you sure, man?" he asks, bringing his concerned gaze back up to meet the angel's eyes.

Castiel nods, looking to Matthias.

"It was not his intention to kill, Dean… but emotions are very powerful things," he says, "However, I am not even certain it was Matthias' doing. Akriel's crimes are liable in heaven to be punished by death."

Dean gives a skeptical look.

"I thought those dicks wanted Mattie dead."

Castiel shakes his head.

"They may disapprove, but it is not their place to harm or kill, especially without instruction, and Akriel's doings were not truly the intentions of heaven."

Dean doesn't let up on the unsure expression. His frown even deepens slightly, because Castiel still sounds panicked and afraid, and it even looks like his eyes may be on the verge of watering.

"Cas, what are you not telling me, man?" he tries, and the angel makes a pathetic attempt to change the subject, weakly reaching his arm to where he can hold Matthias' tiny hand and barely managing, "I am very glad he his alright."

The statement is genuine, but poorly placed in the line of conversation.

"Cas, what's going on?" the hunter cuts straight past the attempted diversion, "What is worrying you so much that is so bad you can't tell me, huh?"

The angel retracts slightly, looking even more frightened and now unquestionably about to cry.

He lets out a shaky breath, still not allowing any tears to fall, "Dean, they - they did terrible things while I was under their captivity. Most of the torture was the work of the other two, but Akriel…"

Castiel is quiet for a long moment, and Dean is becoming impatient.

"Cas, what did he do to you? Cause I swear to god, I will bring that bastard back and I'll kill him a hundred times over if he—"

Cas is shaking his head avidly.

"Dean, do not waste your time," he warns, relaxing noticeably when the hunter's expression softens slightly.

"Cas, what the hell did they do to you?"

The angel hesitates a moment, struggling to form words.

"They… mutilated my wings," he manages, speaking quietly but somehow keeping his voice even, "It is a sign of great humiliation amongst angels, and it is extremely painful to endure. That is the crime that is punishable by death, solely because it was committed without order or approval. It would be disastrous for such a fate to befall any others who were not sentenced such punishment."

Dean is at a loss for words, because it never ceases to amaze him how truly heartless most angels are. Castiel looks so lost and broken, and all Dean wants is to take him into his arms and hold him until everything is okay again, but he wouldn't dare touch him, because he looks so frail right now.

"Cas…"

"They will heal in time," he says, "But the process is slow… I will remain vulnerable until then."

Dean watches him for a moment with a mix of worry and sympathy and guilt before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Jesus, Cas," he chokes out, "Don't you worry, okay? Don't worry about anything, cause I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, not now, not ever, you understand that?"

The angel nods a bit hesitantly.

"Good," Dean affirms, moving in to kiss him one more time, because he just can't help it.

"Dammit, Cas, I love you so much."

* * *

I hope this was an alright chapter! I'm still not too sure how I feel about it, but I hope you enjoyed it!

Please let me know what you think!

Thanks for reading! :)


	14. Chapter 14

**Rating:** PG13**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings: **MPREG baby, slash, very vague description of sex, possible English mistakes  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N: **So, I think I may have set a new record for most fucking ridiculous update time. Feel free to come at me with pitchforks if my guilt does not bring you proper satisfaction. On the bright side, you won't have to deal with my tardiness much longer. Yes, as sad a I am to say it, I'm afraid this story is coming to a close. I'll probably do one more follow up chapter, but as far as the storyline goes, this is pretty much it. I've already dragged it out much longer than I should have. My original plan was to keep it at ten chapters, but it was so much fun that I decided to drag it out (although looking back in retrospect I really should have stuck with my initial plan).

Thank you all so much for sticking around throughout this story, and all your kind words! I haven't been thanking you enough lately. The stupidly slow update times are certainly no help, especially this time around. I can't even tell you how much I am going to miss this and reading all the wonderful things you guys have said to me, because it means so much, I really just can't properly express!

* * *

"Don't you worry, okay? Don't worry about a thing, cause I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, not now, not ever, you understand that?"

The angel nods a bit hesitantly.

"Good," Dean affirms, moving in to kiss him one more time, because he just can't help it.

"Dammit, Cas, I love you so much."

"And I love you as well, Dean," the angel says.

He gives a small smile, but winces slightly when it reaches the cut on his cheek.

The hunter's expression is sympathetic as he looks his angel over.

"Cas, how bad does that hurt?"

Castiel averts his gaze.

"I will heal," he says, managing to successfully avoid the subject when Matthias begins to fuss quietly in his sleep.

The angel is looking at him longingly, much too obvious for Dean not to notice.

"You wanna take him?" he asks, trying to assess whether Cas could do so without hurting himself.

The angel doesn't need to so much as make a gesture, because his answer is in his eyes, and Dean really isn't even sure why he bothered to ask in the first place.

"Yes," Castiel says, shifting carefully to make a small space for Matthias on the bed in front of him, struggling to keep the pain out of his expression as he does so, "I would like to hold him."

Dean nods slightly as he carefully places Matthias so his head is resting in the crook of the angel's arm, brushing his fuzzy hair back as the baby rolls on his side to face Castiel, sighing contently as he curls up and tucks his tiny hands under his chin.

Cas' expression changes several times before landing on a frown and looking a bit tearful.

Dean furrows his eyebrows.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

The angel is quiet for a moment, watching the subtle movements as their baby twitches in his sleep.

"He has gotten bigger," Castiel says quietly, voice trembling and sounding dangerously close to tears, "He got bigger… while I was away…"

"Hey, its okay, Cas," Dean comforts, struggling to keep from setting a reassuring hand on his shoulder, "It's only been a few days; it's not like he's outgrown his clothes or anything… and besides, we're all here now. That's the important thing, right?"

Castiel nods lightly, contemplating the hunter's reasoning.

He seems a little out of it for a moment before he lifts his gaze and opens his mouth to speak.

"Dean, why do you refuse to touch me?" the angel asks out of the blue, wondering if he has suddenly become repulsive since he came back.

Dean notices the mildly hurt look in his eyes and feels guilty.

"I don't wanna hurt you, Cas. You're… you're delicate right now, okay?"

The angel frowns, averting his gaze and looking sad.

"You just need to heal up a bit, then we can, uh… cuddle… or whatever it is you've got in mind."

Cas' sad look suddenly becomes a little peeved.

"I am struggling to retain heat, Dean. Hold me."

The hunter breathes out a long sigh as he gently takes ahold of the angel's hand, wary of the bandages concealing what looks like it might be a broken wrist. He's inwardly smiling though, because Cas is fucking pouting like a little kid, and Dean hasn't seen this childish side of him in a long, long time.

"I'll get you another blanket or something, Cas," he tries to compromise, though not without guilt, "You can barely move without flinching; there's no way I can hold you without hurting you."

The angel's frown deepens.

"I will be more comfortable in your proximity… both physically and mentally," he admits, looking a bit shameful.

"Cas…" the hunter begins to protest, "You shouldn't be moving around, not with wounds like that—"

"We have a bond, Dean," the angel starts, only to stop himself when he notices the look he's receiving from the hunter, "Have I displeased you in some way?"

Dean shakes his head.

"No, it's just - we're talking about your well being here, and going off on some tangent about our 'profound bond' or whatever isn't exactly—"

"It is relevant, Dean," Castiel interrupts sternly, his expression somehow managing to make irritation look endearing… or maybe relief just won't let Dean see him any other way.

"The bond that you and I share is… very strong," he continues, "Not merely profound. Proximity to you and your soul will essentially allow me easier access to my grace as well as guide the transition of energy to my physical form so as—"

"English, Cas, c'mon," Dean urges.

The angel frowns slightly, looking more than a little put out, because he had been quite certain he was sufficiently simplifying his explanation.

"I will be able to heal more easily if we are making physical contact," he clarifies.

The hunter smirks.

"That sounds dirty."

"_Dean_, I'm being serious," he all but pleads.

The hunter raises his hands in surrender.

"Alright, alright," he gives in, adjusting himself to where he can manoeuvre more easily, "I hear you… This better help, man."

He lets out a concerned sigh as Castiel carefully positions Matthias against his chest before Dean slides a tentative arm under his angel's shoulders.

The hunter makes it successfully around the rather deep knife wound in his upper arm without eliciting more than a repressed look of pain on the angel's face and some slightly laboured breathing, but all is lost when he reaches his back, and Castiel cries out like he's being cut open all over again.

The sound is pained and heartbreaking, and Dean quickly retracts while Matthias wakes up frightened and crying.

Shit," he mutters guiltily as their baby screams and Castiel shakily attempts to soothe him with a weak, unsteady hand brushing through his hair, all the while trying to calm his own rapid breathing.

"Shit, Cas - I'm sorry," Dean pleads, voice panicked and ridden with guilt.

The angel simply shakes his head for the brief moment before he can catch his breath enough to choke out, "Dean, you are not - not at fault—"

The hunter glances between his angel and their son, brow furrowed and heart racing, and he feels a simultaneous sense of panic and calm.

"You sure you're gonna be okay, man?" he asks, completely unconvinced.

Castiel nods weakly, eyes closed.

"I am in no danger of dying, Dean," he assures, voice hushed as he slowly opens his eyes to meet with the hunter's concerned gaze, "I apologise. The injury to my wings has caused my grace to merge slightly with my physical form for extra stability… the area is more… sensitive than I anticipated."

Sam chooses that moment to poke his head in the door, his expression initially looking concerned before embarrassment pervades his features.

Dean takes notice then of just how close he is to Cas' face, hovering over him, practically on top of the guy, and hastily puts several inches between them, sitting up straight and failing to convince himself that he's not blushing.

"Hey there, Sammy," he mutters sheepishly.

Sam nods in acknowledgement to his brother's greeting, clearing his throat awkwardly before addressing the situation, "Well it looks like you guys are okay, so I'll just, uh, leave you to… whatever you were doing…"

"Right," Dean says, "You do that."

Sam retreats to the safety of the unoccupied living room without another word, and there is a moment of silence before Dean fake coughs, as if to clear the awkwardness from the atmosphere.

Matthias has quieted down some, but is still upset. Dean leans over and joins Castiel in his attempt to calm their son.

"Shhh, it's okay, buddy… I'm sorry; I know that was scary, but everything's okay, I promise," he hushes, gently stroking the soft skin on his tiny hand and offering up a finger for Matthias to latch onto.

His little hands are still too small to wrap the whole way around, but Matthias holds on like it's a lifeline, and this mutual contact between holding onto Dean and Castiel brushing through his hair to a steady rythm seems to work wonders as far and calming him down.

Dec. 12

Dean wakes up early. Light is just beginning to penetrate the horizon outside, and it illuminates the room just enough to give him a perfect view of his angel resting quietly against his chest and their son soundly sleeping in his crib directly beside them.

Dean had somehow managed to pull Cas on top of him the night before without causing him to cry out or Matthias to get upset, and apparently it was worth it, because the angel already looks loads better than he did before.

There is more vibrancy in his complexion, and the once dark, colourful bruises scattering his body have now faded significantly and already look at least half healed.

Dean let's himself relax and enjoy the moment.

He's about to reach his hand up from where it is protectively stationed on Cas' back to run his fingers through the angel's already tousled hair, but the moment he moves his hand, he notices the feeling of something warm and wet and just the right consistency to make his stomach drop before he even looks and sees the red that has seeped through the bandages and is settling in the creases of his skin.

"Cas," he half whispers, nudging his angel gently and entertaining a small sliver of hope that he will be able to take care of this without waking Matthias.

"_Cas_," he tries again, nudging a little harder.

The angel stirs slightly, pressing himself a little harder into the warmth of Dean's body, but he doesn't seem to have any intention of waking up."_Cas_, c'mon, man," the hunter presses, more frantic this time, as he nudges him with a bit more force than he'd meant to.

"_Cas_, c'mon, man," the hunter presses, more frantic this time, as he nudges him with a bit more force than he'd meant to.

Castiel winces, sucking in a quick breath of air and jolting awake, blinking his eyes open at the sudden pain.

"Dean—"

The hunter doesn't waste time apologising in favour of figuring out how to making his angel stop leaking blood.

"Cas, you're bleeding, man," he blurts lamely.

"I am fine," Castiel insists almost casually, successfully trivialising the situation, except he's making a face like he's in pain, and he very indiscreetly tries to stifle a cough while Dean sends him a suspicious glare.

"No, you're not, Cas. You're bleeding through your bandages," the hunter counters.

Castiel is silent for a moment and lets out a quiet sigh before he speaks again.

"Nothing can be done," he says simply, and suddenly Dean looks ticked.

"The fuck is that supposed to mean? Cas, you need stitches," he argues, sounding angry but trying not to raise his voice.

The angel shakes his head.

"I do not. I am fine, Dean."

The hunter sits up slightly, shifting carefully beneath him. Castiel winces anyway and has to focus to keep his breathing steady.

"Right, you're _just fine_," Dean agrees sarcastically, "Care to elaborate on that or does 'bleeding out and immobile' fit your definition of pristine health?"

"Dean," Castiel says more firmly, "Nothing can be done. The injury is not a part of my vessel. The… bleeding is a manifestation of the energy my grace is losing to make reparations."

There is a flash of fear in Dean's eyes.

"Losing—? What - it'll come back, right?" Dean asks, masking his panic.

The angel nods, "Yes, Dean. My grace will mend itself. As I've told you, I am in no danger of dying."

The hunter watches him for a long moment, analysing the look in his eyes.

"Yeah?" he finally starts, "Well at least let me check your bandages. At the very least, we need to change them."

The angel nods, complying without protest.

It's a bit of a struggle, but Cas is able to sit up with little help from Dean. He's slow, and he shudders at the shifting of his unhealed wounds, but he bites his lip and doesn't make a sound.

He's leaning forward, holding two pillows pressed against his stomach to aid in supporting his weight as Dean carefully cuts off the dirtied bandages.

"Alright, Cas, I've gotta clean this up," the hunter warns, referring to the blood that is beginning to drip down Castiel's back, seeming to originate from creases of his shoulder blades.

The angel nods.

"I understand, Dean," he says quietly.

"Alright. You're doing good, man. Just try not to wake up Mattie. I'll be real careful, I promise."

"Yes, Dean," Cas says, sounding surprisingly relaxed, and there is a very subtle underlying tone of fondness to his voice, "I trust you… I never doubted that you would act as such."

The hunter watches him amoment before clearing his throat.

"Alright, man, enough of that sappy shit," he mutters, absolutely not blushing, "Just try to stay calm, and… keep the volume down."

Dean reaches forward tentatively and wipes away the blood as gently as he can manage, taking as much care, if not more, as he would have with Sammy when they were kids.

Castiel tenses. He's stiff and locked up and probably biting a hole in his lip… or at least drawing blood from the dried up cut taking residence there.

He keeps quiet though.

His breathing becomes ragged and shallow, and a couple quiet whimpers escape from his lips, but he doesn't cry out like he had the previous night.

There are no wounds when the blood is removed, only smooth, pale skin, and Dean gives in to the urge to press a gentle kiss to the top of his shoulder. Castiel relaxes at the contact.

"Alright, buddy. Just need to wrap you back up now," he assures, already placing a square of cotton down over the angel's shoulder blade.

Castiel straightens himself just enough so Dean can replace his bandages properly.

"Thank you, Dean," he almost whispers, humming at the hunter's gentle touches where his fingers brush against his side as he works.

"Hey, that's what I'm here for," he responds nonchalantly, which earns him a dissatisfied look from his angel.

"Dean, you have much greater purpose than dealing with my injuries. You have already accomplished things far more significant," Castiel reminds.

The hunter just laughs quietly to himself, and he's suddenly unbelievably happy, because he has Cas back, and he hadn't quite realised until then the full extent to which he had missed him. Not to mention, they had somehow, miraculously, managed to keep Matthias asleep through the whole ordeal with his wings, and Dean was just blatantly happy.

When the baby does wake up, it's of his own accord, and he only cries because he's hungry. Dean smiles as he cradles Matthias to his chest before laying him down next to Cas. The angel has the most awed, loving expression on his face as he comfortingly brushes up and down the baby's side. This is how it's supposed be, simple and mundane, and it's perfect.

It's so perfect, and Dean can't believe he almost lost this.

Dec. 16

Matthias is close to two weeks now. He's still so tiny, it's a little hard to believe.

Cas is almost fully healed, physically at least. There are still light, patchy remnants of the worst bruises, and he still favours one leg slightly when he walks, but the limp is hardly noticeable, the scars are fading, and he's able to move around on his own.

His grace is still fried for the most part, but he says the injuries are healing, slowly but surely. Dean can see that it hurts him, but Cas never complains. He doesn't try to hide it, but neither does he bring the issue to light.

He's sitting on the couch now, staring at Matthias, who is watching him back intently. Dean laughs quietly to himself as he enters the room from the kitchen, carrying a mug of chai in one hand and plain black coffee in the other.

"Make faces at him," the hunter encourages, setting the drinks on the coffee table taking a seat beside his angel and their son.

Castiel shifts his attention to Dean, unmasked confusion gracing his features.

"How do I do that?" he asks as though his lack of knowledge in genuinely concerning.

The hunter shrugs.

"Just make a funny face. Like a chipmunk," he suggests, squishing his cheeks and scrunching his face in demonstration.

Castiel just stares at him for a moment.

"Dean, that is upsetting."

The hunter takes his hands off his face and laughs genuinely at the angel's expression.

"Well I dunno then, Cas. Do a fish face or something, puff up your cheeks."

Castiel furrows his eyebrows, looking contemplative for a moment before turning back to Matthias and doing as Dean suggested, puffing out his cheeks and pursing his lips, even using his hands to imitate gills.

Dean laughs again, harder this time, because Cas makes the gesture so awkward in the most adorable way.

Matthias gurgles and reaches his arms up towards his father, waving his tiny limbs excitedly and cracking a crooked half smile.

Dean wants to capture this moment and frame it, play it over and over until every detail is memorised.

He also wants to capture the devious look in Cas' eyes after they lay Matthias down to sleep, the look that says he's tired of waiting to get better, and he wants it now. He wants to capture the desperate, needy noises that escape his lips and the pink flush in his cheeks.

Dean doesn't even care that when Sam comes over for dinner, he will inevitably notice that Cas isn't just walking funny because of healing injuries. Honestly, he's almost looking forward to it.

* * *

I know it wasn't very exciting (honestly, I feel it was lame and anticlimactic, and I'm more than a little disappointed with myself to say the least), but really I hope I didn't bore you all. D:

Would you guys like it if I continued to update with various little chapters about Dean and Cas caring for/raising Matthias? Or I could make a separate story for that for those who are interested? You'll have to let me know if you'd want that though. Review or message me, tumblr, whatever, just let me know. I hope you all were able to enjoy this last legitimate chapter (at least to some degree)! Thanks so much for reading and sticking through this whole time!


	15. Chapter 15

**Rating:** PG13**  
Fandom: **Supernatural  
**Pairing(s): **Dean/Castiel  
**Warnings:** MPREG baby, possible English mistakes, mentions of sex, FWP  
**Spoilers:** none. **  
A/N:** Greetings, dear friends. Unfortunately, we've come to our final chapter (it's really not even a chapter, just shameless FWP). People seemed to like the idea of continuing with little oneshots about our lovely couple taking care of Matthias, so I will be continuing to write for this, but I will be creating a separate story for it. I'll have more information on that at the end of the chapter for anyone who is interested.

Thank you _so_, so much for sticking through to the end of this! I hope you all enjoy! :)

* * *

It's sometime past three o'clock in the morning, and Matthias is pissed. Cas is on the verge of a mental breakdown, and Dean is about to pass out from exhaustion or possibly shoot himself in the face, just to get rid of this killer headache.

They've fed him and changed him, and wrapped him up and held him, but he's still wailing like he's been neglected for days.

"Dean, I don't understand - he won't take his pacifier," Castiel says worriedly.

The hunter groans some kind of half-assed response from where he's sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"What if I've done something wrong, Dean? Is he upset with me?"

The angel doesn't seem to be expecting any kind of response, because he immediately turns back to Matthias and starts speaking to him in Enochian.

The baby only cries harder.

"Christ, Cas, what are you saying to him?"

"I simply told him that he should not be upset… I don't understand, Dean. Why is he still unhappy?"

The hunter mumbles something incomprehensible before reaching out in offering to take him.

Castiel seems slightly reluctant, but passes Matthias over and takes a seat beside Dean on the bed.

He settles himself into the plush comforter, watching the hunter and their son.

"You are not feeling well," he remarks after a moment of observation.

"Yeah, no shit," Dean mutters, unamused, as he's shifting Matthias around, searching for a position that might ease his screaming.

Castiel looks at him worriedly for a moment before reaching up a hand to heal him of his affliction.

Dean blocks him half way there.

"Whoa - _Cas_."

The angel suddenly looks very confused and maybe a little hurt.

"You're still not a hundred percent, man. Save it for something that matters," the hunter says, earning himself a frown.

Castiel cocks his head slightly.

"You matter," he says, as if correcting a mistake in grammar.

"Okay, sure," Dean compromises after a brief moment, "But it's just a headache, Cas. I can deal with it."

The angel reluctantly returns his hands to his lap with a small nod and silently watches as Dean continues trying to calm Matthias.

After a sequence of different positions, the hunter holds him against his chest and lowers himself back so he is laying sideways across the bed. He sighs and closes his eyes, utterly exhausted, and begins to pet soothingly through his son's hair.

The crying stops then, and Dean opens his eyes to share a look with Castiel. He takes his hand away for a brief moment to test their apparently shared theory, and Matthias immediately begins to fuss.

"Well I guess we've found the off button," Dean says as he strokes their son's hair, and Castiel visibly relaxes along with Matthias.

"Yes, I believe we have."

The angel joins him in laying back on the bed and watches as their baby's eyes steadily grow heavier, and his tiny breaths become slower and deeper. They both laugh a little when he starts twitching in his sleep and are a bit reluctant to lay him back in his crib, but Dean is exhausted, and Cas could certainly stand to catch a few hours of sleep as well.

They settle Matthias in and get themselves situated in their own bed, Castiel tucked into Dean's side, the hunter's arm thrown lazily around him, and the tiredness takes over in no time.

It's just as the last sliver of consciousness is about to fade that a small whine comes from the direction of the crib, and hardly a moment passes before Matthias is wailing at full volume once again.

Dean rolls over, throwing an arm over his eyes with a groan, "You've got to be kidding me."

7:40 AM

Sam had agreed to come over in the morning to help out for the day. He'd brought breakfast with him and fucking starbucks of all things. Leave it to Sammy to pick the most generic, expensive, overrated place in town to get coffee.

Dean is being an ass about it, of course, but Sam is giving him the benefit of the doubt, because he really does look like hell (and also because it's awfully satisfying to poke fun at him).

"Dude, you look like week old road kill," he teases.

"Shut up, Sam," Dean warns from behind the cup of black coffee pressed against his lips, slouching forward with both elbows on the table for support.

"You almost look as bad as that one time on our way out of Tallahassee—"

"Sammy…"

"You were so hungover—"

"_Sam_," he snaps, "We do not talk about that."

The younger brother raises his hands in surrender, "Hey, I'm just saying."

Dean continues his death glare dutifully.

"Now you have peaked my interest, Sam," Castiel says from his place at the table across from Dean where he is feeding a bottle to Matthias, his head cocked slightly in curiosity, "Please do share the details of this event you are referencing."

Sam laughs, "Maybe some other time, Cas. Dean will probably have me murdered if I say anything else now."

"Damn right I will," the older brother agrees, "And don't think I'm not armed with a full gallery of embarrassing puke stories I could tell about you if you ever try to bring that up again."

Sam just rolls his eyes.

11AM

Dean had finally been able to sleep for the first time in what feels like days, and it's truly wonderful.

There's no baby screaming, no nagging fears or worrying, just peace and quiet and Cas curled up at his side, suddenly kissing him awake.

He starts at Dean's lips, lingering there until the hunter begins to stir before gliding over to his jaw and gradually easing his way down Dean's neck until he's peppering light kisses across the hunter's collar bone.

Dean is pushing him away now, sleep clouded and playful, and laughing quietly to himself as he groggily slurs something about how Cas must be extra horny if he's willing to get off his feathery ass and take some initiative.

When he finally opens his eyes, he's staring straight into intense dark blue, and he couldn't possibly have said no if he'd wanted to.

There's nothing to worry about, no excuse, because Sam is taking care of Matthias downstairs, and for now it's just them, both needing badly to make it up to their neglected libidos for the recent lack of attention.

Apparently they were louder than they thought, however, because when it's time to head down for lunch, Sam has that ever familiar pissed off and embarrassed look on his face.

Dean finds it much more satisfying than he really ought to, but he can't find it in himself to care. He's much too distracted by the warm swelling in his chest at the sight of his son sleeping, much too adorably, on the sofa, propped up by a small u-shaped pillow and not even close to filling out his blue footie pyjamas with the print of colourful little planets. His tiny fingers barely poke out of the sleeves and are clenched tighty around that same fuzzy blanket that he seems to be developing a bit of a preference for.

It's been a quiet day, still not something any of them are used to, but it's nice. Sam has to leave late in the afternoon for a dinner date with some girl he met recently. He won't tell Dean anything other than that, which drives him nuts, but he's happy for him nonetheless.

"Try not to scare her off in the first five minutes," he jokes as they're saying goodbye, patting his brother on the shoulder encouragingly.

Sam sighs quietly and resists an eye roll.

"I'll see what I can do."

The rest of the day is continued with the same quiet calmness. Dean plays with Matthias on the couch while Cas makes dinner, and they watch a movie before bed, all settled in together on the couch, Cas leaning back into Dean, sitting comfortably between the hunter's legs, and Matthias laying on his belly against the angel's chest, drifting in and out of sleep and seeming rather mesmerised by the movements and colours on the television screen.

The baby is out cold by the time the movie is over. They carry him upstairs and tuck him into his crib, which is still kept pressed against Cas' side of the bed.

"What do you think he dreams about?" the angel asks, leaning over the crib and gently stroking their son's side.

The baby leans into the touch and makes small, contented noises in his sleep.

"I dunno," Dean says with a shrug, "Pooping?"

Castiel gives him a questioning look.

"Well I mean look at him," the hunter reasons in his own defence, "He's pretty much making the same faces."

Cas' expression becomes slightly uncomfortable for a moment as he glances at their son, but he seems to agree with the logic, "I suppose that is a possibility."

Dean is very quiet for a minute, and Castiel can sense that something is suddenly troubling him.

The angel sends him a look as if to ask what's the matter, but the hunter just shakes his head.

Castiel is patient though. He sits quietly, keeping a steady rhythm with the hand he's running up and down their son's side, and Matthias lets out a small, happy sigh through his sleep that seems to grab the hunter's attention.

"I actually – I'm, uh, pretty sure he was having nightmares," Dean says, not sure why he's suddenly feeling compelled to talk about this, "For a while when - when you were… gone. He would hardly sleep, and he'd wake up in the middle of the night and just scream for hours, and… I dunno. He doesn't seem to have a problem anymore, but I worry about him… a lot."

Cas is watching him closely, expression unreadable. He nods slowly in understanding after a moment as he takes his hand from the crib and grabs both of Dean's to take in his own.

"He is fine," the angel assures, "The bond he shares with us is particularly strong. It is more than just physical. You would… sense if something were to be unwell."

Dean takes a deep breath.

"I know, I know. It's just hard… not to worry, you know?" he tries, "I want him to have a good life. I don't want him to be like me. I don't want to be like my dad, and I… I'm so scared I'm gonna fuck this up."

Cas can see his eyes are just the tiniest bit too glossy now.

"Dean Winchester, you are a better man than your father," he says, "You are the greatest man I have ever known, and I am certain that you are and will continue to be the most wonderful, loving father Matthias could ever ask for."

Dean smiles and leans forward so his head is resting on Castiel's shoulder to hide his face, and he laughs a bit to hide the fact that he's crying.

"Hey, Cas?"

"Yes?"

"You're a fucking sap, you know that?"

A small smile appears on the angel's face.

"Yes, I believe you have told me so once or twice."

The hunter lifts his head and kisses him hard on the mouth, not so subtly asking for entrance after a long moment, but Castiel denies him any further access.

"We should rest," the angel explains when Dean pulls back and gives him a questioning look, but he understands, because they've only got a few hours at best before a certain someone wakes up hungry and in need of a fresh diaper, maybe just wanting attention, or possibly some combination of those things.

The sight of Castiel wearing one of Dean's old t-shirts and a pair of boxers never gets old. That strange, warm feeling it gives Dean never seems to lessen or go away. If anything, it only ever gets stronger.

Dean pulls his angel to his chest beneath the blankets, and Castiel settles where he fits perfectly in the hunter's arms.

"Love you, Cas," Dean feels the need to remind, words already slurring slightly with the much needed transition to sleep.

"I love you as well, Dean," the angel returns, punctuating by snuggling further into the warmth of the hunter's body around him.

A small noise comes from the crib beside them, and they both stiffen, waiting for the crying to start, but Matthias just sucks on his lip, turns his head a few times, and settles back into a state of calm.

The sigh of relief between the pair is simultaneous, and Dean laughs quietly at whatever had just happened there.

"Thank god," he breathes out tiredly, relieved that this ridiculously comfortable position they're in had not been disturbed, "I guess we must have done something right."

Castiel relaxes again and smiles.

"Yes, thank you, father."

Dean chuckles to himself and pulls his angel closer, planting a swift kiss high up on his cheek, just below his eye, and mumbling something that was supposed to convey the phrase 'I love you, don't ever change' (Cas somehow seems to get the message) before letting himself relax completely and fade into sleep, his angel following suit not far behind him.

So maybe the peace lasts less than an hour, and maybe they're kept up until long after the sun rises, but if sleeping through the night means sacrificing this… well then fuck that.

This family may have a few blemishes and stains, but it's far from defective and perfect even so. It would be flat out wrong to have it any other way.

* * *

[[cue drunk speech at nonexistent award ceremony]] Thank you all so much! You are all so, so wonderful! I love you, each and every one of you! I hope his final chapter was enjoyable to everyone!

Thank you so, so much for reading! ❤ Seriously, you guys are so great. I'm going to miss this so much ❤❤❤❤❤ /tears /drunken sobbing

_To those who are interested in a continuation of this_: As I mentioned earlier, I decided to create a separate story for the continuation of this. If anyone really cares to know about my reasoning behind the decision, I'll make a post about that on my tumblr. Because I've decided to do it this way, all I can really say is keep your eyes peeled for it, on here, on my tumblr; that's where I'm at. That being said, if you want to keep it alive, I will _need_ prompts and ideas from you guys, because my brain capacity is limited, and I will no longer be focusing this story alone. Also, any title suggestions? If you couldn't tell from this story, I have a talent for coming up with really shitty titles. Aaanyway, I hope to see y'all there!

Reviews are highly appreciated. Once again, thank you all so much for reading! :)


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